Unlike slumping batters who slowly eat away at your chances for victory every day, a slumping pitcher will save up his appetite for four days and then consume every bad stat in sight during his one night at the table. There's nothing that ruins an appetite more than looking at your boxscore and seeing your pitcher getting tuned up for seven earned runs in the third inning and these guys below are having owners everywhere reaching for the Tums. Even if you're fortunate enough to have a healthy ace pitcher this season, all it takes is a couple of disaster starts before you wonder or even wish that their elbow is the reason. A bad outing or two from a pitcher can swing the tide when it comes to the final score in your fantasy matchup and there's a nice collection of ball throwers that are begging to get kicked the fuck off our fantasy teams right now.
Homer Bailey (77th Average draft position)
Homer got his contract in the offseason and he hasn't been worth a single penny so far. Bailey has always had the stuff to plow through lineups and he's got one of the highest ceilings and lowest floors. Bailey has been much more bad than good so far this season with an arm that is serving up more taters than a steakhouse. Bailey will mix in a gem just to tease you but his 5.44 ERA is testing the patience of owners everywhere. You might not want to flat drop Homer but a couple more duds and this dude will be on trade blocks across the US of A. Bailey can probably afford a really nice car with his new contract and I'll ask that he puts that thing in fifth gear and drive the fuck off my team now, please.
Jim Johnson (134 ADP)
A lot of people were surprised that the frugal Oakland A's spent big bucks on a closer and Jim Johnson is performing a very rare feat in making Billy Beane look like an idiot. Never since Darius Hayward-Bey has the fans inside Oakland Coliseum watched a new addition make such a horrible first impression and I wouldn't be surprised if every owner has dropped Johnson like Heyward-Bey does pigskins. Johnson will have to wander around the 7th and 8th innings to get his mojo back but for a guy that doesn't strike a lot of batters out, it's going to be a long time until the A's and fantasy owners trust this bust and his 7.00 ERA again. He's the 276th ranked relief pitcher right now for fuck's sake. Jimmy John, grab a sandwich for the road because you've been kicked the fuck off my team.
CC Sabathia (142 ADP)
CC Sabathia earned his money by being an reliable horse that took the ball whenever asked and took it deep into games consistently. It's too bad that this horse looks like he's about to be put out to stud soon. CC's velocity is down a notch or five right now and you really have to wonder if all of Sabathia's grinding is finally wearing down the big man. His periferal numbers weren't all that bad this year but he would have one inning every game where he would completely melt down and be the most hittable pitcher in the game. Maybe a little rest will do CC some good but I think it's about time we all get used to watching this slimmer version of Sabathia pitch more to contact and pitch a little less often than we would like. We hope the rehab goes well, CC but we also hope that you'd get the fuck off our team.
Zach Wheeler (173 ADP)
Remember Generation K? They were a Mets pitching trio that was sweeping the Big Apple back in the mid 90's with their electric arms and bright futures. The careers of Bill Pulsipher, Jason Isringhausen, and Paul Wilson didn't turn out as hoped, in fact, they turned out horribly but the Mets have a new breed of young pitchers that will hopefully help ease the sting of lost opportunity for this lousy franchise. Zach Wheeler is an important piece to this new Generation K and he showed enough flashes last year to get NYM fans excited again. This year Wheeler is reminding Mets fans how frustrating it is to attach their hopes to a young pitcher as Wheeler is all over the fucking place with his pitches and has been a AA caliber pitcher for this team so far. The Mets ain't winning shit this year, so they can be patient with Zach with the hopes he'll figure things out but for redraft owners like us, we're likely on our last nerve with this fella. Why don't you jump on the 7 train and get the fuck off my team, Zach.
Homer Bailey (77th Average draft position)
Homer got his contract in the offseason and he hasn't been worth a single penny so far. Bailey has always had the stuff to plow through lineups and he's got one of the highest ceilings and lowest floors. Bailey has been much more bad than good so far this season with an arm that is serving up more taters than a steakhouse. Bailey will mix in a gem just to tease you but his 5.44 ERA is testing the patience of owners everywhere. You might not want to flat drop Homer but a couple more duds and this dude will be on trade blocks across the US of A. Bailey can probably afford a really nice car with his new contract and I'll ask that he puts that thing in fifth gear and drive the fuck off my team now, please.
Jim Johnson (134 ADP)
A lot of people were surprised that the frugal Oakland A's spent big bucks on a closer and Jim Johnson is performing a very rare feat in making Billy Beane look like an idiot. Never since Darius Hayward-Bey has the fans inside Oakland Coliseum watched a new addition make such a horrible first impression and I wouldn't be surprised if every owner has dropped Johnson like Heyward-Bey does pigskins. Johnson will have to wander around the 7th and 8th innings to get his mojo back but for a guy that doesn't strike a lot of batters out, it's going to be a long time until the A's and fantasy owners trust this bust and his 7.00 ERA again. He's the 276th ranked relief pitcher right now for fuck's sake. Jimmy John, grab a sandwich for the road because you've been kicked the fuck off my team.
CC Sabathia (142 ADP)
CC Sabathia earned his money by being an reliable horse that took the ball whenever asked and took it deep into games consistently. It's too bad that this horse looks like he's about to be put out to stud soon. CC's velocity is down a notch or five right now and you really have to wonder if all of Sabathia's grinding is finally wearing down the big man. His periferal numbers weren't all that bad this year but he would have one inning every game where he would completely melt down and be the most hittable pitcher in the game. Maybe a little rest will do CC some good but I think it's about time we all get used to watching this slimmer version of Sabathia pitch more to contact and pitch a little less often than we would like. We hope the rehab goes well, CC but we also hope that you'd get the fuck off our team.
Zach Wheeler (173 ADP)
Remember Generation K? They were a Mets pitching trio that was sweeping the Big Apple back in the mid 90's with their electric arms and bright futures. The careers of Bill Pulsipher, Jason Isringhausen, and Paul Wilson didn't turn out as hoped, in fact, they turned out horribly but the Mets have a new breed of young pitchers that will hopefully help ease the sting of lost opportunity for this lousy franchise. Zach Wheeler is an important piece to this new Generation K and he showed enough flashes last year to get NYM fans excited again. This year Wheeler is reminding Mets fans how frustrating it is to attach their hopes to a young pitcher as Wheeler is all over the fucking place with his pitches and has been a AA caliber pitcher for this team so far. The Mets ain't winning shit this year, so they can be patient with Zach with the hopes he'll figure things out but for redraft owners like us, we're likely on our last nerve with this fella. Why don't you jump on the 7 train and get the fuck off my team, Zach.