WIth Wrestlemania XXX about to run wild on Sunday, I wanted to present my top five WWE entrance songs of all time. I know we don't watch wrestling anymore but I also know that we love to talk about college stuff ad nauseum so let's get in the time machine and go back to wrestling's glory days for a minute or five.
Honorable mention: Mr. Ass. This song is so incredibly absurd but it was so incredibly fitting for a man named Mr. Ass. The lyrics are ridiculous just like Billy Gunn was by wearing a thong underneath his shorts. Zach introduced me to Mr. Ass back in 1999 at his house and thus began my love affair with the WWF for most of my college days. He was a shining example of the crudeness that saturated the "attitude era" in wrestling and a reminder of when WWF gave zero fucks and filled up the unintentional comedy scale every Monday and Thursday nights.
5. Hulk Hogan. Hulk had two pretty great entrance themes with Jimi Hendrix as his nWo Hollywood Hogan character but the classic Real American immediately takes you back to your living room when you were taking your vitamins and saying your prayers in 1987. Sadly, the Thunderlips theme song is a bottom five song. Such a wasted opportunity.
4. Kurt Angle. I'll admit, I was a big Kurt Angle fan which is why he's on this list. I always lived by the three I's. Intensity, Integrity, and Intelligence. It takes some skill to have everyone in the arena cheer you but it takes even more talent to have everyone universally boo you and Kurt Angle was great at that. When you add the "YOU SUCK" that the crowd would chant during this song, it makes it an incredibly fun entrance to witness live. Which we all did in college at the Pepsi Center because we were all the fucking best in college. Oh it's true. It's damn true.
3. Stone Cold Steve Austin. The actual song is truly a 6 out of 10 but the initial glass breaking sound is a 18 out of 10. That glass break sound made everyone either stand up from their seat or reach for the closest canned beer and chug the shit out of it. I can remember all of us saying "If Stone Cole returns tonight, I'm going to drink every beer in this house" and when he did finally return from injury, we made every effort to drink every drop of alcohol we could find. This song still makes me want to pour two beers down my throat simultaneously and also drag out a mattress to the living room and get stunned repeatedly throughout the day and that's the bottom line.
2. Vince McMahon. You've got no chance, that's what you got. The song itself is pretty great but add on Vince's strut and you got the total package.
1. The Rock. Got to be honest, this isn't the #1 song with a bullet but that's just because there are plenty of great entrance songs and I really have no favorite. As much as we geeked out at Austin's glass break we also got some goosebumps when we heard "IFFF YOU SMELLLLLL, WHAT THE ROCK…IS COOKING." It will be near impossible to find someone as electrifying as the Brahma Bull and that's probably why he's made millions AND MILLIONS of bucks as a movie star lately. You might raise the people's eyebrow at the spot that this song has on the list but you can't deny that whenever you heard this song, you knew Dwayne Johnson was about to layeth the smacketh down.
Other theme songs that deserve some love:
Shawn Michaels - Possibly the gayest song ever made by someone not in the Culture Club.
Undertaker - Got to admit, I loved Limp Bizkit in college and was a big fan of the old school Taker song as well as the Biker Taker songs. Probably deserved a spot on the top 5 list.
The Brood/Gangrel - Really great entrance by all of them. Too bad Edge was the only one who made it big.
Road Dogg - Personal favorite. His schtick never got old, at least in my opinion.
Shane McMahon - Another personal favorite. Wish he would come back on TV.
Degenreation X. Such a great team. Fucking X-Pac was the legit worst.
Stephanie McMahon - Still gives me boners.
Triple H. Hunter Hearst Helmsley seemed to have the belt or be fighting for the belt every PPV we ordered in college. I still want to spray water everywhere whenever I drink a bottled water, just like Trips did.
Shawn Michaels - Possibly the gayest song ever made by someone not in the Culture Club.
Undertaker - Got to admit, I loved Limp Bizkit in college and was a big fan of the old school Taker song as well as the Biker Taker songs. Probably deserved a spot on the top 5 list.
The Brood/Gangrel - Really great entrance by all of them. Too bad Edge was the only one who made it big.
Road Dogg - Personal favorite. His schtick never got old, at least in my opinion.
Shane McMahon - Another personal favorite. Wish he would come back on TV.
Degenreation X. Such a great team. Fucking X-Pac was the legit worst.
Stephanie McMahon - Still gives me boners.
Triple H. Hunter Hearst Helmsley seemed to have the belt or be fighting for the belt every PPV we ordered in college. I still want to spray water everywhere whenever I drink a bottled water, just like Trips did.