I know I shouldn't be saying this as the commissioner of your league but the 2015 season was boring as hell. I mean, there was plenty of great players doing great things, there were sleepers and busts as usual, but lets be honest, the season as a whole has kind of been a yawner. Arch has sat at the top pretty much from start to finish and his position atop the Regular Season and Roto Standings was never really challenged. That's what happens when your team just earns the best winning percentage in a season ever, as Arch did in 2015 with a .671 mark. Even our Batter of the Year and Pitcher of the Year established their dominance early and never relinquished it. For Arch's efforts, he will take home $210 and is the heavy favorite to win a lot more in the postseason.
Without further ado, here are the final 2015 rotisserie standings:
Arch just completed the greatest regular season of all time and his roster is relatively healthy so I really don't see him losing here unless his team falls into a major slump and/or the Blacksox go bananas. I will say that Arch's team isn't exactly running on all cylinders at the moment though, which is concerning for our #1 seed. Goldschmidt is going through his first slump of the season, Posey is wearing down at the time of the season where all catchers start wearing down, Carlos Gomez has somehow gotten worse in Houston, Sonny Gray is battling injuries, and Scherzer looks mortal in August. The Hot Corner is still the better team by a wide margin (a 37.5 win margin over the Blacksox during the year) so two weeks should be enough time for this deep and talented team to overcome any upset Castillo tries to pull off.
The Blacksox might have a prayer if the final week of the regular season foretells something. Castillo was able to force a rare 6-6-0 tie with Arch on the final week of the season where we saw the Blacksox offense absolutely obliterate the efforts of Hot Corner's lineup. After three days, the hitting stats are pretty close so if Yo was hoping to jump out early and scare the shit out of Arch, that hasn't happened. Much like Arch's MVP, Castillo's best player, McCutchen has hit a rough patch and he has to start hitting if Castillo wants to pull off an upset. Castillo might want to rename this team the Black Holes because there are more than a couple batters on this team that have contributed nothing this season and will likely continue to drag this team down in the playoffs. This team has never really lived up to their potential all year but that can all be forgotten if they somehow find a way to pull of an incredible upset.
Commissioner's Prediction: The Hot Corner prevails 7-4-1
(2) Arvada Astros vs. (7) Finger Betters
This is an intriguing matchup to me. Lance and his boy have kept quiet most of the season and have a reputation of being a very hands off front office when it comes to roster moves. Kevin Petty on the other hand, is known for constant needling of his roster while staying up late at night looking for any competitive advantage he can find. The Astros have been able to coast most of the season thanks in large part to a very good lineup and better than average pitching staff so it would probably be wise if they continue to avoid making too many roster moves unless an injury or massive cold streak forces them to. Laser has the top two AL MVP candidates and they are currently moving in completely opposite directions right now. Josh Donaldson is in a groove and when Josh Donaldson is in a groove, the numbers pile up rapidly. On the other hand, Mike Trout is probably nursing an injury, which might help explain the recent power outage. Both of these guys can carry Lance for stretches at a time and if Trout gets healthy, watch the hell out. Laser does have plenty of power on his roster to help keep the lights on for his team and this is another matchup that has a wide gap in overall talent and Laser's superior roster should be able to withstand any creative curveballs Kevin throws his way.
Petty really shouldn't be in the playoffs if you look at this team and the stats they've posted so far but Kevin usually finds a way to make it interesting no matter who is on his roster. It looks like Kevin is going all in with his approach of mixing and matching batters based on matchups while sending out a collection of shitty pitchers and hoping to find a matchup advantage somewhere. As usual with this team, it's kind of hard for me to predict what they will do for the next two weeks but Kevin is going to have to hit big on his pitching pickups and hope he plugs the right batter into the right hole every day. Chris Davis, Brian McCann, and Ryan Braun will need to be constant contributors for this to work out and the revolving door of mediocre pitchers will force Kevin to white knuckle grip his phone as they work in and out of trouble every game. Kevin has pulled off some impressive wins before and he's going to have to dig back into his bag of tricks if he wants any prayer of advancing to round 2.
Commissioner Prediction: Arvada Astros dominate 8-3-1
(3) Harry Doyle vs. (6) Heads UP
Matt Suer has flown under the radar most of the season but we know that Matty graduated at the head of the class last season the Top Flight wings on his jumpsuit is all the reminder his opponents need to fear getting blown out of the sky. Even though it looks like it'll be a lost season for Jonathan Lucroy, the rest of these guys are starting to redeem themselves. Cano is slowly improving, Kinsler is getting on base a lot more, Votto has found his power stroke again, and Teheran and Iwakuma are finally making up for lost time. A.J. Pollack might be the best player that nobody knows but Matt Suer is fully aware of his potential as Pollack always seems to be on Matty's team every year. Pollack is healthy which means Pollack is producing and it was a real tough call not to award him our most valuable player this year based on his draft spot and his 8th overall spot on the player rater. The more I look at this roster, the more I fall in love with it and if this team continues to trend as they have this season, Matty is going to be a serious threat to Arch and Laser.
It was probably a dick move on my part to completely dismiss Heads UPs chances before even mentioning their name and despite their lackluster overall stats, this team has been playing some decent baseball lately. The Grandy Man is one streaky SOB but when he's not whiffing, he's usually hitting homers and he has two playoff bombs already and will probably need to contribute a few more to help Tim's and Zach's chances. This team is outmatched so they will have to find a way to win the rate stats and the speed stats to give themselves a chance. The pitching staff has been pretty solid lately, which bodes well, and if they can keep the ERA, WHIP, and Losses down, then maybe they can find a way. Having Cuteo and Grienke pitch every so often will certainly help this gameplan. I am cheating a little with my prediction because Matty has already gotten out to a decent sized lead but there's still 10 more days of baseball to play which means there is some time for this team to catch back up. Not likely, but possible. Here's a preview of what Harry Doyle will be doing on the bases during round one.
(4) The Balloon Knots vs. (5) Stroke My Shaft
If the playoffs had started two weeks ago I would like Jeff Petty's chances a lot more but ever since August began, the batters and pitchers on this team have decided to do the opposite of what Jeff Petty would prefer they do. In fact, the only one having a worse August than Jeff Petty is Jared Fogle. This team does have more power potential than practically anyone else in our league but Tulo, Duda, Frazier, Tucker, and Trumbo will need to cool it with the K's and get going with the HR's. Power can be a funny thing and come and go when it pleases so there's no reason to think these thumpers can't start putting on a firework display any day now. The pitchers should be of greater concern to Jeff as they have been seriously awful lately and have dug a hole early in this matchup. Jeff Petty has officially punted SVHD's with zero relief pitchers on his roster and while he's automatically going to lose that category, he'll hope to make up for it in the K and QS categories. It can be a dangerous game to play as it also increases the risk of blowing the Losses, ERA, and WHIP categories but that's the path Jeff Petty has chosen and probably needs to stick with. It doesn't help that Felix Hernandez's profile picture has turned to this.
Prediction: Stroke My Shaft outlasts the Knots 6-4-2
I'm going to copy and save this now onto a Word document so if those boneheads at Weebly decide to erase this post, it can be restored. Let me assure you that if you didn't get a chance to read my last one before it was erased, it was by far the funniest and most brilliant piece of literature on the internet, hands down. I know the regular season was a little dull and it's not like my postseason predictions offered anything outlandish but now that the season is broken into two week chunks and the tension has been raised, it's time for this league to have three shots of espresso and get all jittery up in this bitch. As George Costanza would say...."You wanna get nuts? LETS GET NUTS!!!"