Which is to say that I don’t think we really need a thorough breakdown of week 12 in our league nor do I think you need your hand held to grasp the various scenarios that could unfold this week but just in case you prefer to read the cliffs notes version rather than conduct research all by yourself, I’ll try to lay out what’s on the line in our final regular season week and make sure you have all the tools you need to enjoy a fantasy league ran by the biggest tool of all-time, Commissioner DeFelice.
It’s anticlimactic and something that rarely happens, but there will be no bubbles bursting in week 13 because the playoff field has already been determined. Rest in Piss to Fanning, Brian, Michael, Jordan, and Kevin who have probably sworn off this league and aren’t reading this anyway. Your collective seasons can best be summed up with dropped passes and hard kicks to the asshole.
As we all know there is no advantage from being the 1 seed or the 8 seed in this league. No playoff byes, no home field advantage, no tiebreaker advantage, either. That’s a little wonky but it’s what the people wanted so we’ll all just hope we end up in a seed that gives us the path of least resistance to the cup; whatever the hell path that might be.
Regular Season Champ (Estimated $240)
There are six teams that can win the regular season title, which is pretty neat. None of the 8-4 teams will play against each other so there’s a very small chance they all lose and either J.P. or Meyer comes out of the clouds to pull this off. It won’t happen but we did see some crazy shit in the last week of the season in 2015 so I might as well throw it out there.
Keep in mind that the tiebreaker is points scored, which gives Jerome a big advantage followed by a comfy cushion for Chris.
- If Jerome wins, he’s the regular season champ for the first time since we were in college.
- If Jerome loses, we’ll see which if the remaining 8-4 teams gets a win to overtake him. Chris is the most likely contender as he’s got many more points than Dan or Castillo. Dan will play against J.P. while Castillo will go up against the dead carcass that is the Peppel roster.
Points Scored Champ (Estimated $240)
Jerome wins unless Chris outscores me by 70.4 points this week. If I lose this, I will calmly walk to my laptop and immediately delete this league.
Top Team QB ($55)
This has been quite the season long battle between Chris and Dave. It should come down to the wire as 1.6 points separates these gunslingers with a very fun Rodgers vs. Brees battle to monitor on Sunday.
Top Team RB ($55)
J.P. has our best RB duo by 57.7 points so he will run away with this award from Romer like his RB’s have run away from defenders all season long. That lead is bigger than a shellfish allergic Ben Roethlisberger at Red Lobster.
The commish has a 27-point advantage over Dan and a 37 point lead over Chris. I'm feeling pretty confident about this trophy but Dan has Julio and Amari while Chris has Antonio and Davante and all four of them are capable of putting up some huge numbers. Jerome should take this home unless Dan or Chris reach deep into their playbooks and send their receivers on some ricockulous routes.
This will be the second trophy to be determined between Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees. This won’t give their owners much money but will give them a small tip of the cap for a MOP performance in 2016.
Individual Awards (No $$$)
There’s not much to get from winning an individual award besides the satisfaction of drafting one of these players or keeping them.
QB: Brees leads Rodgers by 2.2
RB: David Johnson leads Ezekiel Elliot by 9.2
WR: Mike Evans leads Antonio Brown by 3.3
TE: Delanie Walker leads Greg Olsen by 3
D/ST: Vikings lead the Broncos by 20
K: Justin Tucker leads Matt Bryant by 5
That should cover pretty much everything, I think. I’ll try to update all the trophies early next week and then hopefully provide a Round 1 playoff preview soon afterwards. Hopefully I’ll have a little WAM (Walking Around Money) in my pocket when I sit down in front of my keyboard. I’ll try to avoid heartbreak and heartburn with y’all with a drink via text or in person if I’m so lucky as we all whine, bitch, and complain our way into the fantasy football playoff season together on Sunday.