Week 12 had a lot of high scoring games and close contests, which normally would make for a halfway entertaining fantasy football recap on this website right here. I’ll trust that you all were in the coaching office early Monday morning to break down tape on what went right and wrong for your team and hopefully you did because the commish has already moved onto week 13 in our league. There’s too much going on during the final week of the regular season and in an attempt to prevent this from being a 10,000 word chore for you to get through, we’ll focus on where every team stands for the final week of the regular season and all the potential scenarios that might take place in week 13.
The Bushwhackers
Three weeks ago it was almost a lock that the Pep’s would take home their first regular season title but after two losses, week 13 has now gotten really real for Brian and Michael. Castillo’s won two games in a row and scored a lot of points in the process, which means the Pep’s are still in the driver’s seat but are running out of gas. If the Pep’s beat Jerome or Castillo loses to Chris, the Pep’s will win their first regular season title. If they Pep’s lose and Castillo wins, the Pep’s will need to outscore Castillo by 34.2 points to maintain their standings lead. If the Pep’s want to win the Points Scored trophy, they’ll need to outscore Castillo by 34.2 regardless of wins and losses. The Pep’s are ahead in the Team WR battle by 29.1 points and that should be enough to take this trophy home. This should’ve been a celebratory week for the Pep’s but nothing has ever been easy for them in this league and they’ll be swearing at the TV as much as any of the playoff bubble teams this week.
The Bushwhackers
Three weeks ago it was almost a lock that the Pep’s would take home their first regular season title but after two losses, week 13 has now gotten really real for Brian and Michael. Castillo’s won two games in a row and scored a lot of points in the process, which means the Pep’s are still in the driver’s seat but are running out of gas. If the Pep’s beat Jerome or Castillo loses to Chris, the Pep’s will win their first regular season title. If they Pep’s lose and Castillo wins, the Pep’s will need to outscore Castillo by 34.2 points to maintain their standings lead. If the Pep’s want to win the Points Scored trophy, they’ll need to outscore Castillo by 34.2 regardless of wins and losses. The Pep’s are ahead in the Team WR battle by 29.1 points and that should be enough to take this trophy home. This should’ve been a celebratory week for the Pep’s but nothing has ever been easy for them in this league and they’ll be swearing at the TV as much as any of the playoff bubble teams this week.
I’m Your Huckleberry
Castillo has made it interesting thanks to a huge week 12 and now he can take home some nice cash prizes if he dominates Chris in their week 13 Showcase Showdown. You can read the Pep’s breakdown above to know what Castillo needs to do to win some regular season money. It will also be interesting to see if Castillo can hang onto his 12.5 point lead in the Team RB race to take home that trophy over Jordan. There’s about $540 on the line between the Pep’s and Castillo this week and with all three of them intending on watching the games together on Sunday, don’t be surprised if you see some unsportsmanlike penalties between these three as the games unfold and the boxed wine starts flowing.
Denver Donkey Punches
Week 13 is usually a week where Zach can order himself some top shelf liquor because he’s already paid for his entry fee thanks to some regular season trophy winning. Week 13 will be a relaxing one this year as well but it’s only because Zach has nothing on the line at all. He’s pretty much locked into a 2-4 seed for the playoffs and really can’t make a run at any positional trophies. Zach will just have to kick his Air Force Ones up, hope his team stays healthy, and watch the rest of the league collectively lose their shit this week.
We need to pause a second in order for me to recruit you young, impressionable men to join The Watch with me. The Bubble Watch, that is. The three teams above will be participating in the 2015 D12 playoffs but the other nine teams do not yet know their fate and will be teetering on the playoff bubble throughout week 13, hoping it doesn’t pop below their feet.
I thought about creating a set of bullet points to outline the possible scenarios for each team in order to get in but as I got into this, a sharp pain ran through my head and I realized there were endless scenarios that could take place and it might be easier to explain these in one excel table. So what you will see for each team is a little table including all the surrounding bubble teams and the threat they pose to you in earning a playoff spot. I looked at the Games Back column and the Points For column to determine who is a major threat to your coveted playoff spot and the odds of you getting in or not. There are five levels of threat created by the Department of Romeland Security and they are listed as follows:
Castillo has made it interesting thanks to a huge week 12 and now he can take home some nice cash prizes if he dominates Chris in their week 13 Showcase Showdown. You can read the Pep’s breakdown above to know what Castillo needs to do to win some regular season money. It will also be interesting to see if Castillo can hang onto his 12.5 point lead in the Team RB race to take home that trophy over Jordan. There’s about $540 on the line between the Pep’s and Castillo this week and with all three of them intending on watching the games together on Sunday, don’t be surprised if you see some unsportsmanlike penalties between these three as the games unfold and the boxed wine starts flowing.
Denver Donkey Punches
Week 13 is usually a week where Zach can order himself some top shelf liquor because he’s already paid for his entry fee thanks to some regular season trophy winning. Week 13 will be a relaxing one this year as well but it’s only because Zach has nothing on the line at all. He’s pretty much locked into a 2-4 seed for the playoffs and really can’t make a run at any positional trophies. Zach will just have to kick his Air Force Ones up, hope his team stays healthy, and watch the rest of the league collectively lose their shit this week.
We need to pause a second in order for me to recruit you young, impressionable men to join The Watch with me. The Bubble Watch, that is. The three teams above will be participating in the 2015 D12 playoffs but the other nine teams do not yet know their fate and will be teetering on the playoff bubble throughout week 13, hoping it doesn’t pop below their feet.
I thought about creating a set of bullet points to outline the possible scenarios for each team in order to get in but as I got into this, a sharp pain ran through my head and I realized there were endless scenarios that could take place and it might be easier to explain these in one excel table. So what you will see for each team is a little table including all the surrounding bubble teams and the threat they pose to you in earning a playoff spot. I looked at the Games Back column and the Points For column to determine who is a major threat to your coveted playoff spot and the odds of you getting in or not. There are five levels of threat created by the Department of Romeland Security and they are listed as follows:
I’ll break down each bubble team with their table and toss in my two cents about their playoff hopes and any positional trophies they might need to keep an eye on this final regular season week. I also need to remind everyone that our playoff tiebreak is Points Scored, which will definitely be a factor in how the seeds are set.
That’s My Forte
We’ll start with a team that has minimal threat for a playoff spot as you can see with all the green icons below.
That’s My Forte
We’ll start with a team that has minimal threat for a playoff spot as you can see with all the green icons below.
Meyer has a substantial points lead over every bubble team besides Chris and he is a game up on him so that brings his threat level into a comfy spot. Unless Brady is the latest Patriot to suffer a serious injury, Meyer will win the Team QB trophy and MOP trophy with ease. Along with the Eliminator win, Meyer should be playing with house money going into the playoffs and he’ll hope that his guys can stay healthy and hope whoever lands in the playoffs will not be a huge threat to his team in round 1.
Westminster Warriors
Westminster Warriors
Fanning’s situation is much more complex than Meyer’s as he does have a crucial 1 game lead on many bubble teams but he also is within striking distance in the Points For column for many bubble teams as well. If Fanning beats Meyer this week, he’s in but if he doesn’t he needs to score around 100 points to feel somewhat comfortable with his odds of getting in with the Points For tiebreaker. It’ll help Fanning’s chances if Bortles ups his Awareness level from 0 when scrambling and Fanning will pray that Blake can stay behind the line of scrimmage when throwing passes this week.
Demaryius Targaryen
If Jordan didn’t screw the pooch last week, he could’ve locked up a playoff berth but his team played like an Andy Burk bowel movement, which means he’s in danger of being flushed out of the playoffs altogether. Like most teams above the bubble, Jordan just needs to beat Zach to get in but if he can’t do that, he will still likely get in unless Jerome and Dave win and score more than 36 points than Jordan does. Jordan shouldn’t worry too much about his spot but if he has another 66.2 point game this week, there’s a 50% chance his season is over.
Dirk Diggler
Dirk Diggler
J.P.’s team has been on the skids for the entire second half of the season and even though he lost to Castillo in week 12, diZerega’s 120 point effort will afford him some cushion. Again, if J.P. wins, he’s in but if he doesn’t he’ll have to monitor the results of Dave, Jerome, and Petty’s games with the hope that they lose or don’t score more points than our defending champ. J.P. is a member of the Fantasy Football Illuminati so we know they will pull the strings to make sure he gets into the playoffs no matter what referee needs to be bribed or player needs to be murdered.
You Done Messed with A-A’Ron
You Done Messed with A-A’Ron
Marvel is fortunate to have the points advantage over everyone on the bubble watch besides Meyer but he’s also got one less win than the teams within the bubble so if he does lose and one of the teams outside the bubble wins, it won’t matter how many points Chris scored this year, he will be going home. Chris will be a knight for House Peppel this week as he’ll be handed a sword from Brian and Michael to fight off Castillo’s chances of a regular season title and if Chris can run a sword through Castillo’s heart, Chris has a decent enough points cushion to earn a playoff spot. If Chris cannot kill Castillo, he’ll have to hope Dave, Jerome, and Petty all lose.
Dick Tickling Cock Jockeys
Dick Tickling Cock Jockeys
It’s incredible that Dave is even in this conversation but he’s won four games in a row and looked good winning them, which means he has a legit chance at a playoff spot after starting the season 1-7. Dave’s game against J.P. will likely have huge ramifications on the playoff seeds because the winner of that game will likely take the loser’s playoff spot. If Dave beats J.P. by more than 2.5 points, he will have that tiebreaker over diZerega and then he’ll have to hope either Chris, Jerome, or Kevin lose, and Dave will clinch a spot and has pulled off a tremendous playoff push. If Dave and Chris both win or both lose, Dave won’t catch Chris in the tiebreaker. Dave has a slight point advantage over Jerome and better advantage over Kevin, which he should keep in mind if all three of them win. Dave also has a chance of winning a tiebreaker if Jordan or Fanning lose and don’t score a lot of points this week. Of course none of this will matter if Dave loses this week because if he does, his furious comeback will be over.
Nerf Turbos
Nerf Turbos
The commish was lucky as fuck to get a win last week and while that win kept his playoff hopes alive, Jerome’s ugly 68.2 point effort really put a dent in his tiebreaker chances. Like everyone outside the bubble, Jerome has to win this week to have a prayer. Jerome is hoping that Dave can beat J.P. in a low scoring affair and that will open up the chances of the commish to win the tiebreaker over both J.P. and Dave, which could get him in. Basically every scenario that I laid out for Dave is the same for the commish so he’ll focus on winning first and then hoping everyone ahead of him loses and scores points like a men’s rec basketball team. Hey, if Matt Hasselbeck can still win NFL football games, why can’t the commish sneak into the playoffs?
Miller’s All-Stars
It seems like just yesterday Kevin was a 4 seed and was playing great fantasy ball but his team has lost three in a row and are ostensibly eliminated from the playoffs. Kevin could go bananas this week and give himself a chance but the fact that J.P. and Dave will play each other hurts his chances. If Chris, Dave, and Jerome all lose, Kevin could get in with a win and with Kevin playing the only team colder than him this week (Dan and Corey), you never know. A fair amount of dominoes are going to need to fall correctly but Kevin shouldn’t bury this underperforming team just yet.
Johnson & Johnson
Johnson & Johnson
There’s a scene in the latest Indian Jones movie where Dr. Jones survives a nuclear blast because he was inside a refrigerator during this blast. The suspension of disbelief that this refrigerator scene asked of its viewers was enormous and that’s about as far as we need to stretch to think Corey and Dan have any chance of making the playoffs. These two need to win, and also need Chris, Dave, Jerome, and Kevin to lose just to start the conversation. If that happens, they need to outscore Kevin by 43.6 and the other three by at least 75 points, which means every player on the Johnson & Johnson roster needs to score two touchdowns at minimum, including the kicker. These guys have clinched a spot but that spot is dead fucking last in our league and are now at the team name god's mercy for 2016. It’s been a brutal close to the season for these two but the good news is they only have one Sunday left this year to watch this season end as poorly as the Crystal Skull Indiana Jones movie did.
Hopefully the explanations above weren’t overly confusing and your commish was able to interpret these correctly for everyone. It should be a pretty entertaining final week of the year as I can’t remember so many trophies and playoff positioning being on the line. We may see plenty of Dirty Dozen owners walk to the boxed wine frequently to calm their nerves while also waiting to pour a bit of the bubbly if everything falls into place for them this week. We’ll be back next week to start our playoff season, award trophies, and the commish will try to give the league an update on who won what and how much we will all owe as soon as the numbers start rolling in.
Hopefully the explanations above weren’t overly confusing and your commish was able to interpret these correctly for everyone. It should be a pretty entertaining final week of the year as I can’t remember so many trophies and playoff positioning being on the line. We may see plenty of Dirty Dozen owners walk to the boxed wine frequently to calm their nerves while also waiting to pour a bit of the bubbly if everything falls into place for them this week. We’ll be back next week to start our playoff season, award trophies, and the commish will try to give the league an update on who won what and how much we will all owe as soon as the numbers start rolling in.