Injuries, awful play, weird coaching decisions, and the randomness that is NFL football can make for some second and third guessing when it's time to fill out a starting lineup. When football decides to add the element of a massive bye week like we saw in week 9, it makes our jobs that much harder. The NFL schedule makers decided that week 9 would be a week where a lot of NFL players could chill the fuck out which meant it was a week that a lot of us fantasy owners freaked the fuck out. With many studs unavailable, we knew the replacements would lead to some low scores and for 1/4 of the league, that was more than true. Like a movie critic that is forced to review an awful horror flick around Halloween, I'll do my best to review the rotten tomatoes being tossed around this week and I'll do me and everyone else a favor by doing it in bullet point form once again.
Foles Gold vs. Graham's Crackers
Dan and Corey's Notes
Chris Marvel's Notes
Ambiguously Gay Duo vs. That's My Forte
Peppel's Notes
Foles Gold vs. Graham's Crackers
Dan and Corey's Notes
- Nick Foles going down shouldn't be surprising for this team based on the shitty injury luck they've endured already. Now these two will have to plug in Palmer in order to break their eight game losing streak, and to be honest, I don't know if Palmer represents much of a downgrade from Foles at this point.
- These two will hope Palmer dumps it to Ellington around the goalline to double penetrate their opponent on the fantasycast . Ellington has come on as of late and is about the only student these guys would give a passing grade to when they review their draft.
- C&D finally found someone to step up and be Megatron's replacement and that guy is Brandon LaFell of all people.
- Eight losses in a row now. With Dave Cress next up on the schedule, you now have the best opportunity you will have to end this humiliation in 2014.
Chris Marvel's Notes
- If you don't think Antonio Brown is the best receiver in the game at the current moment, you be trippin'.
- LeSean McCoy has been healthy and getting around 25 touches per game all season. LeSean McCoy has celebrated a touchdown once this entire season.
- Joe Flacco takes longer to windup and pitch than Hideo Nomo.
- This team is still well positioned in our standings but without a reliable QB, RB2, and WR3, this is a team that could find itself as a seven seed come playoff time.
- If the favorites and the overs are hitting big on most of these prime time football games, I have to assume 2014 Chris is much happier when he falls asleep based on the gambling Chris Marvel I know.
Ambiguously Gay Duo vs. That's My Forte
Peppel's Notes
- Any time you can start Brian Hoyer and win a fantasy game, you take it.
- Ronnie Hillman looked pretty awful against the Pats but you wouldn't know it by looking at his 18.3 fantasy point day.
- This team is without Adrian Peterson and Gio Bernard and still put up 30.4 points from their running backs this week. I know it's not what the Pep's want to make a habit of this but they are not losing ground and are actually gaining ground without a serious ground game.
- T.Y. Hilton has taken the next step in his development of becoming an all around receiver.
- Ace and Gary are winners of five straight and just knocked off the second place team with ease. Better watch your bunghole when you see these two flying towards the top of the standings.
Meyer's Notes
- Granger learned first hand how quickly your balloon can be popped in fantasy football. One week you're the owner of a team with a huge sleeper QB that's led you to the second most total points scored in our league. The next week your quaterback tosses up a -2.3 point game, which leads your team to sit in the five spot for the points title.
- Vernon Davis is completely and utterly worthless. Like Mike Singletary is coaching him all over again.
- We've never seen a two week scoring bonanza like the one Ben Roethlisberger has given us and we'll probably never see a player score 104.4 points in two weeks but not be in a starting lineup the whole time.
- It was exactly a 50 point difference between Rivers's -2.3 points and Big Ben's 47.7 points this week. I don't really blame Meyer for sitting Roethlisberger for Rivers but we'll see what Big Ben thought about this coaching decision while on Meyer's bench...
- Don't be shocked if Roethisberger takes this starting job and runs with it if he continues to eat his spinach on Sunday morning.
- Fantasy football is a fickle game where you think you have a top 5 QB one week and then have serious doubts three hours later. It's a diabolical game that only Batman's nemeses would enjoy.
Dirk Diggler vs. Demaryius Targaryen
J.P.'s Notes
J.P.'s Notes
- J.P. went to the same shoe store as Meyer did this week and purchased the exact same pair of cement boots that helped him fall down our points scored standings.
- 49.6 points in a week will very likely be the lowest we see all season. Almost got outscored by Big Ben. Don't worry, no more Roethlisberger pictures coming your way.
- It's funny (or not) how much our RB's and WR's can hinge based on their starting quarterback. DeMarco Murry looked invincible all year but if Brandon Weeden is the one handing the ball off to Murray, you can expect this look on J.P.'s face when he sees nine in the box all Sunday.
- We've officially gone off the rails with the QB faces.
- Don't know why the hell the Jets would give Chris Johnson the ball more than Ivory based on how they've looked this season. Now I know, they're the Jets and they are absolutely horrible with all roster decisions.
Jordan's Notes
- This season has been fickle in a good way for J. Marvel. A month ago I would've predicted that this team stood no chance in being a real playoff team. Now this team has rattled off two 130+ point games and is knocking down the door to the 8 seed already.
- You probably would've been considered a moron if you didn't accept a one-for-one trade of Russell Wilson, Phil Rivers, Matt Ryan, or Matthew Stafford for Tom Brady a month ago. Now you couldn't pry Brady from Jordan's hands if you had the jaws of life.
- Doug Martin sucks and was ruled out on Saturday night. Doug Martin was still in your starting lineup when we kicked off on Sunday morning.
- Mark Ingram keeps on truckin' to help Jordan cuckold diZerega with a 85 point victory.
Westminster White Devils vs. I'm Your Huckleberry
Fanning's Notes
- Being an Arian Foster owner is like being in first place in Mario Kart. You have a great car making great time but you know the threat of a spiked blue shell is always behind you, ready to blow up your season. Fanning just better hope Foster's groin is still attached or else it'll be a huge kick to Jeff's groin.
- Try as Fanning might, he has zero reliable wide receivers. Garcon, Welker, Decker, Robinson, Wayne, and Wheaton can put up 15 as easily as they can put up zero points.
- It's no coincidence that the Patriots started smashing fools right around the same time Gronk got fully healthy and fully involved in their offense. Watching healthy Gronk is a treat, unless it's against the Broncos.
- This team has scored the 7th most points in our league, has the most points scored against, and yet they sit in 6th place. You don't need a stupid spreadsheet from the commish to figure it out. They're winning by the skin of their teeth and getting their faces blown off when they lose.
Castillo's Notes
- This team has put it into 5th gear and is going to start running over opponents like Grave Digger does junkyard cars on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
- Luck has thrown the ball 40 or more times in each of his last 6 games. It's almost hard not to put up 30 fantasy points if your pitch count rivals Madison Baumgarner's.
- This team is so deep at the moment, I would be tempted to say that it would be time for Castillo to pull off a trade to patch up a weakness. The problem is, I don't see a glaring weakness anywhere on this roster.
- This aforementioned depth will be tested in week 10 with Luck, DeSean, and Hopkins all on a bye.
Denver Donkey Punches vs. Nerf Turbos
Zach's Notes
- Here is footage of Zach Suer's living room after Jerome took the lead on Sunday night:
- Fortunately for Zach, the Ravens D decided to thug the fuck up and melt the fuck down for the final 45 minutes of football.
- Overall, it wasn't a great week for this team as a whole but they got 20+ point games from three players, which is why this team has won 21 in a row.
- Jeremy Maclin is an injury risk but he's going to ball 'till he falls in 2014. What a season that dude is putting on.
- Alfred Morris looks like a pretty blah running back this year with no 100+ yardage games but if the Redskins can finally start moving the ball and actually give Morris a chance around the endzone, 22.9 point games could happen a little more often.
Jerome's Notes:
- Ohhh, I was sooo goddamn ready to send Suer a text that said, "Do you believe in miracles??? YESSSSS! on Sunday night once Torrey Smith hauled in a touchdown to give me the lead. I knew it was probably not going to hold up, which of course it didn't.
- I know there are no such things as moral victories in fantasy football but when you're playing a team that has won 20 games in a row and doing it without four of your top five players, taking a lead in the SNF feels like a victory in itself.
- Ryan Tannehill and Charles Clay, thank you so much for your huge games in shellacking the Chargers. Now, I hope I never see you in my starting lineup again.
- Michael Floyd; so much potential, so little targets.
- I need a shower after actively cheering for the Baltimore Ravens to lead me to fantasy victory and complete a 6 team parlay. Fucking dirtbags.
Ray's Elevator Service vs. Ahwatukee Drunk Cactusman
Kevin's Notes
- Hey, a win!
- I'll revisit the herky-jerky nature of fantasy QB's once again. I thought Kevin had a real diamond in the rough with Russell Wilson three weeks ago. He's followed that up with 25 combined points since.
- Speaking of the Seahawks, that Boz 30 for 30 documentary was pretty damn awesome. This is probably the 30th time I've mentioned a 30 for 30 but if it's not an automatic record on your DVR by now, you're a dipshit.
- 54.6 combined points from Jeremy Hill and Marshawn Lynch is the reason Kevin was able to coast to victory.
- This was exactly the type of game we were expecting from Petty and Cress. A disgrace to fantasy sports.
Dave's Notes
- Anyone that thought Cam Newton was ready to take the leap as a true QB can let that thought sail over your heads like a Cam Newton incompletion.
- If you want to equate Dave's day to an actual NFL player's performance, Ben Tate's 10 carries for 3 yards would be a good place to start.
- Dez Bryant had more "Are you fuckin' serious, dogg?" looks on his face than receptions with Weeden this week.
- Mike Evans broke out with a big 24.4 point game. He was on Dave's bench because it's Dave.
- I'll go out on a limb and say next week's matchup of Foles Gold and the Cactusman will be the first time we've had a matchup of two teams with a combined 2-16 record. The loser might want to brace themselves for a team name change in 2015.
Before I leave you
- CU thought about doing the impossible and actually winning a Pac-12 game. Then the Buffs went out and Buffed it up in the second half.
- It's actually kind of nice for us Ram fans that we are complaining that this team doesn't finish wins strongly. It wasn't too long ago that this team didn't start, sustain, or finish strong. Granted, CSU had a handful of bonerific plays on Saturday night. We still got those Fiesta Bowl dreams in our heads if Boise State stumbles and with the Rams remaining schedule, it's going to take a piss poor game for the Rams to lose. Rashard Higgins absolutely cannot be hurt for an extended period of time if this team has any visions of cracking the top 20 and winning a meaningful bowl game.
- No two ways about it, the Broncos got their asses whooped by the Pats. I, for one, was confident they would go in there and win but the Pats have their mojo back and look like the hottest team in the league. I would bet good money that we'll see the Patriots again this year and I really hope it's in Denver next time.
- The Altitude Network might be in for a ratings dive. The Avalanche and Nuggets look like emu shit so far. It's still early.
I'm getting a sense that we're in the dog days of fantasy football now where owners probably aren't as enthused to read these recaps and other nonsense I post on the ESPN and boxscorebros site. I'm not pouting but based on the lack of feedback I'm seeing and the lack of work I'm getting done, you'll probably get a slimmed down version of these recaps the rest of the way, if you want to call these slimmed down. Then again, I'm probably kidding myself. I go through this same shit every year about this time where I question why the hell I put so much damn time into this thing. Ok, you can stop listening to Jerome's fantasy therapy session with myself thinking aloud now.
I wonder if the increase in cell phone roster managing or increase in children is causing a lull in this league on top of it? Either way, I'll keep trying to keep this league a fun one as long as you continue to make an effort to win in our league and give me a minimum of 5 minutes of fantasy talk and 3 beers when we hang out next time.