Super Bowl XXIV was a matchup that included two incredibly proficient quarterbacks with plenty of offensive pieces that as a unit, took them to the final and most important game of the year.  The Joe Montana-led 49ers were slightly favored over Elway’s Denver Broncos but it was apparent by the first five minutes that this was going to be a relentless and lopsided onslaught of points until the final whistle.  Both of these current Hall of Famers enjoyed great success on the real and digital football field...

and the Dirty Dozen championship game felt like a video game thanks to the most points scored (147.9) and largest margin of victory (77.1) by Chris Marvel.  Fantasy Bowl XVII aka Powell Bowl I also featured two future Hall of Fame QB’s and like the 1990 Super Bowl, it was obvious this was going to be a blowout shortly after the coin toss. 

​Chris Marvel hitched his fantasy wagon to Aaron Rodgers two years ago when he picked him as our first overall pick in the draft (actually the 13th pick if you count keepers), hoping that Rodgers could become the top fantasy QB like he had been in years past.  Rodgers and Marvel’s path to the 2016 championship hasn’t been as smooth or predictable as Chris thought he was getting into when he made the commitment to Rodgers as his first pick but Chris would probably say it was all worth it now that he won the Granger Cup and can thank Rodgers as a huge reason for this victory.  Rodgers hasn’t set the world ablaze as we’ve seen before but he has easily been the best fantasy and real life quarterback since week 8 and it’s no coincidence that Chris’s nine game winning streak started at the precise moment when A-Aron began to humiliate opposing defenses.  Rodgers was magnificent again in the Wisconsin cold with 45.1 fantasy points (a Fantasy Bowl record), which put a bow on his MOP 2016 season with a smaller Fantasy Bowl MVP trophy now prominent in Chris’s trophy case.  You make a real commitment to another human being on your wedding day and when you use him as your fantasy football team name and it’s heartwarming to see that Chris’s love for Aaron has reached its peak since the day he looked him in the eye and said “I do” want to name my fantasy team after you.

​Dave Cress has crawled through 10 miles of donkey shit to get to his first Fantasy Bowl and even though he has to be somewhat pleased that he will actually go home with a little cash this year, he can’t be anything but embarrassed about how his first title game appearance went.  The NFL season is a grind for all involved and we usually see some not-so-good players get thrown in the fantasy spotlight due to injuries and favorable matchups and Dave found himself in the position to rely on two untested RB’s in the most important game thanks to injuries and lack of alternative options.  Kenneth Dixon and Kenneth Farrow both had great matchups but both proved that they are not ready for primetime with 11.5 combined points, looking as weak and vulnerable as Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock.   

On top of that, Dave got two combined points from his Flex, D/ST, and kicker spots, which is a formula for a bonerific week for any fantasy team.  This Fantasy Bowl appearance will help wash away some of the grime that has been attached to D12’s most tortured franchise but once again Dave’s team played like fecal matter and did it in the game that mattered most.

​As an avid football gambler of all sorts of games, Chris knows the toil that usually occurs every time he puts money on a game so it had to be an unfamiliar and incredible feeling to watch his team coast to a victory with minimal stress.  Everyone on his team had a pretty great day with six out of nine players scoring in double digits and the three that didn’t were the TE, D/ST, and kicker, who are usually not double digit suppliers.  Heck, even Mark Ingram was given every opportunity to succeed and he literally took the ball and ran with it providing 23.3 fantasy points and ending a frustrating rollercoaster of a fantasy season on a high note for Marvel.  Congrats to Dave for finally playing a full 16 weeks of fantasy football in this league and big ups to Chris for getting his first D12 championship victory since he sipped from the original and smaller version of the Granger Cup back in 2001.  For all the bitter shit that I talk about championships being attributed mostly to luck and not skill, it was a bit refreshing to see a regular season champ and a very good overall team win the big trophy at the end of the season.  Even if his opponents scored 54.7, 59.1, and 70.8 throughout the playoffs.  You lucky son of a bit....nope, not going to be bitter.  Not at all.

​Now for the annual State of the Dirty Dozen speech.  It’s pretty crazy that we’ve been playing in this league for 17 years now and there is no question that this league has taken up far too much our time, effort, and money, which is a good thing in my opinion.  I know it’s just a fantasy football league but it’s still pretty cool that we’ve had 12-14 owners in this league for as long as we have that also have a pretty long history with everyone else within this league.  I appreciate the commitment and emotions that everyone has for this league and I also think it’s been a good and bad thing when the season is over.  We take it so seriously that we want to win and have fun playing but as soon as things go off the rails for a little bit, the intensity takes over and sometimes it gets uglier than needed or people get a little defensive towards it all.  The Office was a great show for a long time but the final two seasons were not good because the shelf life for TV shows has an expiration date and it feels like maybe we’re getting to that point in this league where we’ve used up all the good jokes and funny exchanges and its maybe time to ride off into the sunset.  I have heard from four owners of this league that would like this year to be their last, which is totally their decision but it also creates a problem in regards to the future of the league.  I’m fine with keeping this train chugging along but we’ll need to find four new owners, which could be a problem but a problem that I think can be solved if enough people want to solve it.  I’m at peace if this is indeed the last year of D12 football as I know all of our priorities have changed and there’s no need to commit $150 and countless hours to a league if it’s not worth it at this point.  We have a few months to iron this all out and maybe people will feel differently when the 2017 NFL season rolls around but I’ll have to reach out to everyone again in a couple of months to see how they feel about the Dirty Dozen and then evaluate our options on where we want to go.

If this is the final time I type out some stupid drivel about this league, let me say that I have had a pretty awesome time with everyone and appreciate your dedication to this league.  At this point, fantasy football should really just be a conduit to talk with your friends since we all have trouble hanging out anymore so I’m glad I’ve been able to hang out with you guys via this stupid website for this stupid league for so long.  It is definitely lame to commit this much towards a fake football league but then again, I can’t think of many other rituals that we have anymore so if we are going to have a ritual, we might as well go overboard with it.  With that in mind, this next sentence might be the most pathetic in the history of the internet, so be prepared.  It has made me smile every time I get a text or comment from you guys about this league and a simple “thank you” from anyone at the end of the fantasy year went a long way in terms of keeping this league going and spending time trying to keep everyone engaged with a weekly recap or whatever fun stuff we did that separated this league from the vanilla ones out there.  As Al Pacino said in Any Given Sunday, “You know when you get old in life, things get taken from you. That's, that's part of life.”  Which is appropriate for this league as it might be one more college tradition that gets taken away.  It does defintely suck that we’ve gotten to a point where the D12 OG’s are splintering off but maybe change will be good, whether it’s four new owners or shutting this league down.  We’ll see where we’re at come September of 2017 but if this is the end, I want us all to raise a Corona like Dom Toretto in Fast and Furious and let you know that I’ve had a memorable time with you all and hope we can cheers together for this league or any other reason very soon.  Salud mi Familia.

And finally, our last piece of business to take care of.  Below is the final 2016 D12 payout summary.  If you owe money, it would be preferable if you could just mail me a check because I have no idea when I will see you guys next.  Hopefully that's soon but sending me a check or doing a transfer through Wells Fargo will ensure that I'm not asking you for payment for months on end.  For the lucky winners, I'll try to collect as much as I can as fast as I can but this has always been a long process and not many people paid already so I'm asking you to be patient for now and I'll hopefully be able to collect most of this by the Super Bowl.  Thanks again for paying and playing, I know this isn't couch change for everyone, especially now when we've just broken the bank of gifts for our families and have probably had to restock the liquor cabinet from all the holiday spirits that have been flowing through our veins.

Dave and Chris have a brotherly bond that has been strengthened by their long history together and will now be tested in the most pressure packed weekend of football; the D12 Fantasy Bowl.  These two have shared a brotherhood on the WR football field, as roommates in Ft. Collins, and if you look closely at their family tree, you will see that these two are actually eskimo brothers.  The lucky lady that connects these two is named Sarah Powell, who would make cameo appearances to Ft. Collins to get fed a constant stream of alcohol and later would usually be swallowing one of our penises before the night was done.  Sarah took her talents to the small screen for a very short stint on ABC’s the Bachelor (I had no idea) and now our fantasy league will find out who will get the final rose handed to them in D12’s 17th Fantasy Bowl and the first Powell Bowl in our league’s history.

I briefly thought this might be a bad move to post this on our stupid D12 website for potential access from Mrs. Marvel and Mrs. Cress but then I remembered that no sane husband would ever subject his wife to the boring, rambling, nonsense that this website provides, so we’re all good here.

​Back to the business at hand, we’ll break down the positional matchups for Powell Bowl I and we’ll try to guess which of these eskimo brothers will take the Granger Cup back to his igloo in 2016.

Quarterback
Super Bowl matchups are always more fun when there are great quarterbacks to watch and we have two D12 legends going up against each other this year.  Drew Brees has been more inconsistent than Aaron Rodgers on a week-to-week basis but he will be playing in a dome against the worse secondary this week, so he might be the more reliable signal caller.  Rodgers will play against the sinking Vikings who just let the Colts manhandle them, so they might continue their downward spiral by allowing Rodgers to connect on countless spiral completions this Sunday, too.  Brees gets the slight edge but both of these QB’s are capable of winning the Cup for either team.

Prediction
Brees 24 points
Rodgers 18 points

Running Backs
Both of these teams have one reliable running back and a bunch of others capable of putting up 15+ points or being forgotten all together.  Lamar Miller has found the endzone two weeks in a row but again had to come out of the game last week and there’s no telling which one of his 50 nagging injuries could flare up at any time on Saturday night.  Dave will hopefully have the same sexual attraction towards Miller on Christmas eve night when he attempts to dry hump his beautiful ass because he’s in the end zone so much.

Dave has Kenneth Dixon in the RB2 slot as of this writing but Dave could easily turn to Ryan Mathews, Dion Lewis, or Kenneth Farrow to get the same or better production.  We’ll see if he gets an itchy trigger finger leading up to kickoff.  Chris has a similar conundrum with his RB2 options as Tevin Coleman and Mark Ingram are pretty great when they get the ball but can’t convince their head coaches to give it to them consistently.  Ingram was screaming at Sean Payton last week and I think this is good news for Chris because I think Payton will say, “ok, fuck it, lets try not to vulture touchdowns and give it to Ingram a ton and see if he runs like a madman all game".  This matchup could swing based on the hot play of Jordan Howard and if Howard continues to rack up the points, Dave might punch a hole in the wall like the good old days because Dave dropped him about five weeks ago, where he was since scooped up by Chris and could be the dagger for Dave ultimately.

Prediction
Dave’s RB’s: 18 points
Chris’s RB’s: 20 points

Wide Receivers
I’m saying that it could come down to each position battle to decide this game but it literally could come down to the WR matchup for Dave as Dez Bryant will be playing in the final game of week 16 and Dave might need him to have a vintage Dez Bryant night to capture the cup.  Chris has the better WR1 but Dave has the overall WR advantage as Dez, Cooks, and DT all represent potential upside over Antonio Bryant and Devante Adams this week.  Chris can swing this in his favor if Adams actually catches an Aaron Rodgers touchdown pass this week.

Prediction
Dave: 29 points
Chris: 21 points

Tight Ends
Tight ends can be inconsistent as shit but Chris and Dave actually have two pretty solid tight ends who get a lot of looks in the redzone.  Eifert and Brate aren’t going to go crazy but both could get a short touchdown catch.

Prediction
Dave 6 points
Chris 7 points

Flex
Dave is probably locked in with DT and Chris will probably counter with Ingram and these guys could both be in their respected WR and RB slots come kickoff so a prediction is kind of stupid but I’m going to do it anyways.

Prediction
Dave: 10 points
Chris: 18 points

Defense and Kickers
I’m not going to pretend like I know what the Titans and Texans D will do as they are both not tremendous all around units and D/ST points are pretty hard to predict for any team besides the Broncos.  Same with kickers, I have no idea but they are both playing in favorable conditions so a random blizzard or wind gusts shouldn’t hamper their potential.  Haters gonna hate, and Prater’s gonna Prate on Monday night while Vinatieri might be the only remaining player that was on an original D12 roster in 2000 and he’s just as good as he’s always been.

Prediction
Dave: 15 points
Chris: 14 points

Fantasy Bowl XVII Prediction
This should be a pretty good game with both teams having the stars to put up a lot of points.  There will be NFL football on the TV four out of five days over the holiday weekend so expect Dave and Chris to try to wrap and unwrap gifts with their families while also trying not to have a Clark Griswold meltdown when things don’t go their way on the fantasy field.  I think it will come down to Monday night as these two are hungover from Christmas day and reach for the hard liquor one final time to calm the nerves as Dez Bryant gets enough catches for a respectable night and Prater connects on a couple of 40 yarders to hand Dave Cress his first ever Granger Cup victory as the winner of Fantasy Bowl XVII and Powell Bowl I.

Prediction

​Good luck to both gentlemen and we’ll recap everything next week and I’ll let everyone know what they won and what they owe as soon as I update the numbers next week.

There are two ways to win a fantasy football game.  You can either get lucky when your opponent has a shitty scoring week or you can watch your big time players step up and justifiably get that double U.  We saw each version play out this week that setup a championship title between two dudes that haven’t been there for a long time or ever.

#1 You Done Messed with A-Aron vs. #5 Team Tecmo
Benching Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers in fantasy football is a felonious way to manage a team but it might’ve been the smart move for both Meyer and Marvel this week.  Of course, I’m saying this with the benefit of hindsight but both of these QB’s had a few question marks attached to them this week and they both combined for 19.2 points on an ugly Sunday semifinal matchup.  Brady didn’t complete his first pass until the second quarter and he was more than happy to run some clock and play it safe at Mile High all day.  Brady was held in check while also defeating the Broncos, which was a lose-lose scenario for Jeff and basically crushed any chances of Meyer winning while simultaneously putting a significant dent in the Broncos chances for a repeat.  Rodgers’ stat line does not tell the true story as he suffered from two horrendous Devante Adams touchdown drops and Aaron handed it off around the goalline, limiting his point potential and causing this reaction from Devante Adams at Soldier Field and probably from Chris wherever he was watching football.

91.6 total points is below average and you might want to call Chris lucky for advancing but if Adams catches those two passes, it adds at least another 27 points to Chris’s total and suddenly he looks like a juggernaut football squad.  Meyer seriously could’ve put his receivers in a bingo spinner and pulled out two names at random as all of this WR’s were probably ranked within 18-35 this week and all of them were equally capable of scoring within 3-15 points.  Meyer decided to go with Diggs and Crowder, which didn’t work out but it’s hard to point the finger at Granger for not identifying the best WR duo because they were all so equally matched.  Chris will saunter into the Fantasy Bowl for the first time since 2006 winners of eight in a row and a 9.5 point favorite according to the early lines in Las Vegas.  Chris’s winning streak has been aided by the fact that only one of his opponents has scored over 100 points against him but as the 11 other teams would bitterly call Ch. Marvel lucky for this run, Chris would remind you that he’s been the unluckiest owner in the league when it comes to points against and you can take your bitterness, roll it up real tight, and shove it straight up your candy ass.

#3 I’m Your Huckleberry vs. #7 Dick Tickling Cock Jockeys
We talked about how Meyer and Chris might’ve thought twice about starting their stud QB based on the potential downside but Dave Cress could’ve seriously considered bencing Drew Brees all week based on his craptastic two weeks leading up to a game against the seemingly decent Cardinals D on the road, where Brees has struggled.  Just when Dave thought Brees couldn’t be any dumber, Drew decided to go out to Scottsdale...

with 37.2 fantasy points.  This is an example of why fantasy owners shouldn’t bench the studs that got them there and Brees was even kind enough to throw a couple of nice balls to Brandin Cooks, allowing him to race the endzone twice and compile 30.6 fantasy points all by himself.  I thought that this game would be won thanks to big time performances from star players, but I thought it would be from Castillo’s team.  Getting 13.1 points from a running back shouldn’t be considered a disaster by any means but the way Le’Veon Bell has been playing, that amount was disappointing for Castillo.  Devonta Freeman picked up the ball as the big scoring back but he got little help elsewhere as Derek Carr was happy to settle for FG’s and Carlos Hyde’s numbers suffered from playing on a shitty team with a shitty defense, limiting his carries.  Dave will get to experience his first Fantasy Bowl ever while Castillo gets to experience getting outplayed by a high scoring team instead of being on the right side of that whooping, like he’s been so often lately.

Christopher Marvel hasn’t won a D12 title since 2002 and David Cress hasn’t won a D12 title since the inception of mankind so we will come back here in a few days and allow them to read a D12 Fantasy Bowl preview that they might actually care about this time. 

This is the view many of us would have multiple times during the years of 2000-2002.  Whether coming back from Christmas break or driving this route from Gunnison for a long weekend bender with friends, this highway sign was looked at and driven under many, many times by the four remaining owners in this league.  The years between 2000 and 2002 were fun years filled with plenty of memories and it was also when the DIrty Dozen crowned its first three champions.  Those three were Granger, Ch. Marvel, and Castillo and each of these college grads will have a chance to revisit that championship feeling if they win this week.  Dave Cress had many memorable moments in Ft. Collins but the one thing he has never experienced no matter the zip code is the jubilation of going undefeated in the D12 playoffs.  The four remaining owners have been major contributors since Season 1, Episode 1 of the Dirty Dozen and if they will try to make sure they get a starring role in Season 16, Episode 16 of this year's prime time event.  There were few things better than sitting on a beer soaked recliner and watching Sunday football all day only to cap it off with a compelling episode of Cheaters (with Joey Greco) and two of these men will be able to seduce the Granger Cup into the backseat of a car with a chance to go all the way.  I want to kiss them knees, lick them thighs, and then you can strive to make my Levi's rise.

#1 You done messed With A-Aron vs. #5 Team Tecmo

​These two jokers used to be referred to as "Coach Marvel" and "Coach Meyer" whenever they got together on a Saturday at Hughes or the living room because of their continual analysis of what plays should be run for maximum success.  They will be at it again this weekend as they both will be insisting that quarterbacks use the play action or the running backs to cut it inside all the friggin' time.  It should be a lot of fun to watch Brady and Rodgers battle this Sunday but there are a few factors that could seriously hamper each of their potential scoring.

Brady goes up against the best defensive backfield in the game and it's going to be incredibly hard for Meyer to cheer for the Broncos to decapitate Brady while also hoping that maybe Tom Terrific could chuck a couple of long TD's before losing to the home team.  This is about the time every year where Aaron Rodgers begins to break down and once again his calves will potentially limit him from extending plays and getting that extra 2-3 seconds where he kills opposing defenses.  It's going to be cooler than a polar bear's toenails in Chicago this week so we'll see if A-Rod's calf along with Devante Adams and Jordan Howard can heat up for Chris.

​Meyer should have no questions about the Ware-Blount-Kelley trio he's going to employ but he might spend coutnless hours trying to determine which two receivers are going to bring him the most points this week.  Jeff has an astounding seven WR options to choose from and all seven of them are pretty much the same when it comes to point potential this week.  The roster decisions should be much easier for Marvel, who will hope Adams stays hot and Brown gets his usual 200 targets on Sunday but he cannot take comfort in Mark Ingram or Terrelle Pryor, who could combine to get him anywhere from 5 to 30 fantasy points and will probably be the difference makers for Chris.

Conclusion: Both Brady and Rodgers are kept in check, driving down the final score for both teams and keeping it tight throughout.  Meyer needs 90 yards and a touchdown from R. Kelley but Robert sees something wrong with a little bump n' grind as he's stuffed inside the 5 twice to send Meyer packing.  Marvel wins 90-87.

#3 I'm Your Huckleberry vs. #7 Dick Ticking Cock Jockeys

Dave should feel incredibly fortunate the he’s been able to win the past two weeks with zero touchdowns and 11.4 combined points from Drew Brees.  Dave has to get at least double that on Sunday against a pretty stout Cardinals D or he will definitely not escape with another victory.  Right now Castillo has the best team with the best player and there’s pretty much a 20 point floor on Le’Veon Bell right now based on the amount of times he’s touching the ball for the Steelers.  For Dave, it’s going to be like a trip to get dental work done.  He knows it’s going to hurt; he just hopes the pain isn’t excruciating.  Kenneth Farrow has a chance to be a clutch pinch hitter if he can get David a touchdown and maybe 10-15 fantasy points, it'll be a big boost at a position where Dave is desperate.  Cress will try to recreate the dirty bird magic yet again as the Falcons D plays another inept NFC West offense this week.

With enough money left in the bank, you can almost assure any player off waivers that you want at this point of the season but as every other active owner was making a move, Castillo had the luxury of saving his cash because there’s no reason to mess with what he’s got going right now. Bell and Freeman are a pretty great RB duo but if Carlos Hyde is going to get work and run like he did last week, Castillo’s going to be able to high step into the finals with ease.  I would expect Carr to play much, much better under the California sun and if Jordan Reed is a little healthier, I expect a lot more production.  Castillo’s only downfall might be from the receivers as both T.Y. and DeAndre have tough matchups.

Conclusion:  Based on the last five weeks, it’s going to take at least 115 or 120 points for David to take down Castillo’s team.  I just don’t see it happening as Brees once again is under too much heat and Le’Veon stays hotter than an Emily Ratajkowsk-Ana Cheri lesbian scene as Castillo rolls on 127-101.

These four used to stand in line and brave the conditions for a long time in order to buy cheap alcohol at the various bars in Ft. Collins.  We’ll see which of these four will be able to finally get into Club D12 after 15 long weeks of waiting and who will be ordering one large shot of whiskey from the Granger Cup by Christmas time.

It’s hard to feel sorry for dorks that get paid to talk and write about fantasy football but I do not envy them after weeks like we saw in round 1 of the playoffs.  They are asked to make a prediction on pretty much every player every single week and when we see so many reliable studs with so many piss poor performances like we did in round 1, it might make you feel just a twinge of sympathy for these guys. They stick their necks out to a fantasy nation only to have these necks to be put into a guillotine by angry fantasy owners who just saw their season and $150 entry fee get flushed away thanks to letdowns from major players and the advice of people on tv and on the internet.  The disappointment started early Thursday with a plethora of awful individual scores and continued all the way through the week with some terrible games that sent their owners packing who were possibly looking at their phones and telling some fantasy experts to Cobain themselves.

​Absolutely none of us should be surprised when it goes off the rails in the fantasy playoffs but we get sucked in every year and the fantasy disappointment on top of the Broncos game probably had many of us wondering why something we care about so much could hurt us like that.  That’s playoff football in real life and our league where bad weather, bad play, and bad luck can end a season.  We’ll try to break it down with more precision than the general quarterback play this week that looked like this across most of the league.

#1 You done messed With A-Aron vs. #8 Notorious Z.A.C.
It’s dumb to distill a fantasy game down to four overall players but the outcome of this game was always going to mirror the outcome of the Packers-Seahawks contest on Sunday afternoon.  It was pretty tight and terrible leading up to the 2:00 games and it definitely setup a tag team match of Rodgers and Adams vs. Rawls and the Seattle D.  It took 1 and ½ minutes for the pivotal play to occur when Rodgers hit Adams for a 66-yard TD bomb to give Chris an early advatage.  This touchdown killed Coran in a couple ways as it was a 20-point play for Chris and a negative 4-point play for Coran.  Kind of like farting in the middle of a business meeting and then having a little poop squirt out at the end.  Bad road game Ben Roethlisberger struck again with an unfathomable 2.6 points and with neither fantasy team scoring many points at all, the 43.6 to 4.4 difference between Chris’s Packers and Coran’s Seahawks was the difference in this one.  Much love to Corey and Loran for trying to keep it light and funny with the team names but as I can attest, putting effort into humor and participation in fantasy football very rarely equates to success in this thankless game.  Based on the history of our league and the ESPN projections, Corey and Loran might’ve had some confidence in being the next 8 seed winner but ended up falling on their faces in embarrassment come Sunday.

#3 I’m Your Huckleberry vs. #6 Dirk Diggler
Fantasy football can jerk you around in all directions like you’re Adam Arellano’s cock alone in a hotel room.  I’m pretty sure Castillo was counting himself as eliminated after Derek Carr’s worst game of his career with a 4.9 fantasy game that sent many other fantasy owners packing.  But then a figure emerged from the snow in Buffalo who came in and saved a fantasy season.  Le’Veon Bell’s 47.8-point game was a performance that will go down as one of the best ever and obviously was the reason Castillo survived an awful game from his QB.  J.P. made a small run at the end of the afternoon games when Matt Ryan tried to will his owner/friend/soulmate to another playoff victory but when he was pulled from the game early in the 4th and the Packers D continued to intercept passes for Castillo, it was the end of the season for diZerega.  The Melvin Gordon injury could’ve been the difference in this one as it’s possible J.P. was licking his chops on Sunday morning only to go through a gauntlet of emotions as Gordon went down and his team continued to fight with surprising touchdowns from Jackson and Randolph to keep the hope alive.  Castillo will advance and pray he doesn’t need 47.8 points from Bell to get to the finals.

#2 Drunk Hiccups vs. #7 Dick Tickling Cock Jockeys
I thought Jeff Fischer was untouchable after he inked his two-year extension to remain head coach of the Rams earlier this week.  He’s been a pretty bad coach for a very long time but somehow was able to not only remain employed but ensure job security with the LA Rams.  But there are certain things that a man cannot come back from as a head coach and one of those things is making the Atlanta Falcons defense look like the 2015 Denver Broncos.  The Falcons defense is really bad by pretty much every metric but the Rams are so inept at every phase that Dave could not resist taking a chance on a very bad defense against an even worse offense.  The result was a trip to the second round as the Rams turned it over all day and two Falcons defensive scores equaled 29 fantasy points for the smartest coaching move of the week.  We saw individual positions save entire fantasy teams and this was another case as Dave easily could’ve been eliminated based on the horrible play of Brees, Bryant, and Cooks.  This trio was projected to bring in 45.6 and combined to score 9.5 on the day.

Sometimes a bad individual season sneaks up on you at the worst possible time.  Phil Rivers was carrying the Chargers early in the year and making great throws behind a crumbling offensive line, actually inspiring MVP and Hall of Fame talk by week 5.  But as the Chargers have faded from relevancy, so has Rivers, who has been a turnover factory and his five turnovers against a favorable matchup cost Dan big time.  Otherwise, the Hiccup team performed admirably but when Rivers gave zero shits about ball security, it really helped secure the elimination of this team.  I can’t imagine cheering for Rivers for any reason and now that Phillip the Phucktard has helped eliminate Mr. Burke, I can only assume Dan will never rely on him ever again and have the following words in his head whenever he sees Phillip’s stupid face on TV.

SUCK

#4 Nerf Turbos vs. #5 Team Tecmo
Seriously fuck the NFC South and every player and team within that division.  Who in the hell knows what any of these guys are going to do week to week.  The Bucs, Saints, Falcons, and Panthers are quite possibly the four most inconsistent teams in the NFL and good luck to anyone trying to predict what the hell they are going to do at any point.  I was fairly confident the Bucs-Saints game would feature a decent amount of points but as I sat on my couch late in the 4th quarter of a 16-11 game, I realized that I had been NFC Southed.  Apparently the Buccaneers and Saints play smashmouth football now with dominating defenses, which has been the trend for both teams lately and makes no sense to me.  Winston was unwilling to try a pass longer than seven yards, crippling the production of Mike Evans and killing any chances of me advancing.  Tim Hightower sucked, which wasn’t shocking and when Tyreek’s TNF touchdown represented the only touchdown for anyone else in my starting lineup, it meant an early exit for what I thought was a team destined to make some money this year.  I should know by now to never get excited about anything good happening in fantasy football or gambling but I get drawn in every fucking season and then get blasted in the back of the skull like Joe Pesci when he thinks he’s going to be a made man in Goodfellas.

Meyer had plenty to complain about on Thursday and Sunday as well as his team was failing to get anything going on offense.  It’s always tricky to rely on the projected scores that ESPN provides as it sure looked like the commish had this game in the bag for most of the matchup until his team decided to generate nothing on offense.  As Nerf’s projected score moved methodically from 110 to 67, Meyer saw a window but crap games from Crowder, Bryant, and Jimmy Graham was going to put the Granger’s chances in Brady’s hands on Monday night.  Fortunately, Brady continues to be about as certain of a thing in football as you can get as he diced up the Ravens D and with the help of Blount catapulted Meyer into round 2 after a pretty gross overall matchup this week.

​Just because I’m fantasy dead doesn’t mean I’ll leave the remaining Dirty Four in the dark.  I’ll attempt to keep up with the previews and recaps.  The commish is fantasy dead.  Long live the commish.  Jerome Thugs-n-Harmony will see you at the crossroads.  And I’m gonna miss everybody…and I’m gonna miss everybody.

It's time for the D12 big dance where eight teams will enter but only one will exit with the Granger Cup.  This can be the most memorable dance since you got a boner in 4th grade dancing to Color Me Badd or it can be a quick and painful dance like when you tried doing the worm at the last wedding you were at.  Either way, it's time for all of us to hit the dance floor and try to thrust ourselves one round deeper into this season.

#1 You done messed With A-Aron vs. #8 Insert Zach Joke Here
We’re about to see how much matchups can affect a top team.  Chris has the better players but seemingly all of them are up against a defense that specializes in shutting down that very position.  If Rodgers can throw a couple touchdowns with one of them going to Devante Adams, that might be the boost Chris needs.  Jordan Howard has been a revelation who will need to stay hot against the stingy Lions D-line to help this backfield now that Ingram is a hard breeze away from getting injured once again.

Corey and Loran have had an uneven season but they have some explosive talent capable of putting up big numbers.  Big Ben has to play better on the road this week than he has all year and it would help if Odell Beckham ended up with plenty of caught passes instead of caught feelings about how the world hates him.

Prediction:  The 1 seed comes in winners of six in a row while the 8 seed comes in losers of four straight.  This should be a Stone Cold Steve Austin Led Pipe Lockmaster Pro Guarantee of the Decade but ESPN has the 8 seed as favorites here.  I think superior talent shines through but not before giving Chris a serious scare.  Chris escapes 96-92.

#2 Drunk Hiccups vs. #7 Dick Tickling Cock Jockeys
Dan’s team is playing much better recently thanks to a solidified backfield and the usual hard body karate play from the jacked up receivers.  The biggest boost might be from Golden Tate who has been a playmaker at just the right time for Dan.  Blake Bortles might have more pick-6’s than completions this week against Dan’s Vikings D.

Dave’s got to get something from his running backs or he’s not going to play another fantasy game after this one.  Not only are defenses keying in on Lamar Miller but they seem to be keying in on specific parts of his body because Miller is beat up and has had to come out of a lot of drives lately.  Dave will also need Breesus Christ to perform the miracle of throwing the ball enough to Brandin Cooks to make him a happy camper.

Prediction:  Both of these teams have a lot of soft matchups, which could set the table for a shootout.  Right now the Hiccups are playing better ball and I think they have the clear advantage in this one.  The Hiccups start hot on TNF and pull away with a 121-108 victory.

#3 I’m Your Huckleberry vs. #6 Dirk Diggler
Castillo doesn’t have the longest winning streak coming into the playoffs but I would say that he’s got the hottest team as they’ve scored 100+ in four straight games.  Derek Carr continues to be a second half sorcerer and if Carr can avoid getting frostbite in KC tonight, he can set the tone early.  If Devonta Freeman enters the endzone at his recent pace, Castillo should win and we’ll see what happens with Jordan Reed on Sunday.

Over the last three weeks Matt Ryan hasn’t been able to put up big fantasy numbers which means he’s back to being Matt Ryan.  This team has our best backfield and worst receivers during the regular season so we know exactly the formula for diZerega to advance, which would be about 55 combined points from his three headed RB monster.  If he gets a random TD from a WR or TE, it could turn the tide.  This is a gritty group of guys who truck pool to work every morning with their lunch pails and are the last to leave and they’ll need to bring their hard hats and start chopping wood when they start the night shift on Thursday.

Prediction:  Five of the top ten running backs will be playing in this game so expect a lot of points on the ground for both sides.  Whatever team can get the most production from their receivers might be able to get the win here and I think Castillo a.k.a. The Colorado Kid will keep gunslingin’ and score more than his opponent as he wins 108-99.

#4 Nerf Turbos vs. #5 Team Tecmo
The commish had the best team for most of the year but the final week of the season sent a scare down the commish’s spine that it could be a quick death in the playoffs.  I hope David Johnson’s legs aren’t too tired from running through my mind all day as his beautiful ass will be counted on again to carry this team.  I’ll hope Jameis isn’t dumb enough to make the handful or stupid plays he usually does against the Saints and that he’s smart enough to look in Mike Evans’s direction every play.

​Meyer’s team doesn’t have a lot of breakaway speed so he’ll hope to see a lot of redzone possessions for all of his players, where they do their damage.  Meyer’s been pretty consistent throughout the year and has been better in the second half so he should hover around the 100 point mark no matter what.  Jeff will just hope that Blount and Brady can get enough points on MNF to put this team over the top and have this team looking as pretty as Tom Brady the Barbizon model. 

​Prediction: Both of these guys can’t let go of their past, which is evident by their team names and I think this matchup will be as fun as playing some tubular Tecmo while tossing the Turbo.  It will come down to Monday Night where Brady gets two touchdowns but it’s still not enough as the commish wins 104-100.

We have a lot to cover this week and I’m more than certain you will be sick of my typing by the time we roll to the actual games so instead of me attempting to set up this recap somehow, someway, I’ll just get to the part of the story where the commish tells you who won what and how that happened in week 13.

Regular Season Title
I’ve drank a lot of awful alcohol for long stretches of time but I’ve never once gotten a hangover while getting drunk.  That was until last Sunday where drinking from a box of fanzia wine seemed like a funny joke at the time but turned into a horrible decision after about five hours of consistent consumption.  I got the same feeling when I started Colin Kapernick and Kap was able to give me and every other fantasy owner that trusted him a ringing headache after his five pass attempts for two whole fantasy points.  Kapernick decided to focus his brave stance towards a protest against the accumulation of fantasy points this week. Kap wasn’t the reason I lost to Meyer but it really didn’t help at all and this loss opened the door for Chris, Dan, and Castillo to walk in.  Chris basically just needed to win to capture the title thanks to his points lead on Dan and Castillo and when Antonio Brown caught a TD while the Steelers D picked off Eil twice, it helped clinch the title for Chris, his first in 13 years.

Most Points
I had to crunch the numbers to ensure that I could breathe easy and after creating an algorithm for every possible scenario, I came up with the final calculation to make sure the Most Points title would be mine. 

No amount of bottom shelf wine or bottom shelf QB play was going to prevent me from taking this home as even though I had about the worst possible scoring week, I also built up enough cushion to absorb a terrible week such as this.  Romer wins this award for the first time in 15 years.

MOP & Team QB
Dave has been depantsed enough by fantasy football to never, ever feel comfortable but I’m guessing when he saw Aaron Rodgers playing in a decent snowstorm while his boy Brees was in the climate controlled Superdome, Dave might’ve thought he would own the MOP/Team QB advantage over Chris.  And just when Dave was getting comfortable with that idea, fantasy football came around the corner and depantsed Dave in front of the entire league once again.  Brees looked pretty crappy with zero touchdowns while Rodgers was able to connect on two snow scores, handing Chris the MOP and Team QB awards and playing one more prank of Dave in the process.

Team RB
The commish would need tecmo Bo Jackson and tecmo Christian Okoye to compile enough points to overtake J.P. for this award.  J.P.’s had our best backfield since week 1 and thanks to another huge run from LeSean McCoy, was able to win this easily because nobody circles the wagons like J.P. diZerega.

Team WR
The commish had a 30-point cushion and was able to outlast the impressive WR duos that Chris and Dan put together.

Other observations
I can’t think of a better way for Jordan’s season to end than for him to realize that his TE was on a bye, for him to pick up a new TE to fill the void, and then forget to put him into the starting lineup.

I also can’t think of a better year-to-year representation of Jordan’s fantasy team than the Carolina Panthers.  Last year they did everything right to make it to the final game and this year their MVP quarterback is getting benched for not wearing a tie while the backup goes in a chucks an interception on the first play.  Another shining example of how things can change drastically in real and fake football.
​
One more fitting end to the season was Dave scoring 45 points and winning.  Not because he’s lucky but because he beat Kevin, who posted his third game with less than 50 points this season.  I’ll give Kevin a tip of the cap for keeping up with his roster all year but it’s really hard to be this bad with a full roster like Petty did this year.  He’s in Andy Burk/Mike Favero territory in terms of D12 ineptitude.

​I’m going to try to post the end of the year “Mega Standings” update and will also aim for a quick Round 1 preview before the week is over.  Congrats to everyone that won a couple dollars this week and now the remaining eight owners will be saying “Big bucks, no whammies” when they submit their rosters the rest of the way.

I trust that most everyone in here stays on top of their fantasy teams, does sufficient checking of our players, knows where they stand in the W-L standings, and gives a quick look at the weekly Points Standings that is a D12 exclusive feature for no additional charge to you, the dedicated owner.  The only difference between your evaluation of our league and my evaluation is that I probably spend a little more time looking at everyone’s team each week and I’m the only sucker that signed up to write about them almost every week.  Otherwise, you know exactly as much as I do and are equally qualified to dispense information and predictions as I am.

​Which is to say that I don’t think we really need a thorough breakdown of week 12 in our league nor do I think you need your hand held to grasp the various scenarios that could unfold this week but just in case you prefer to read the cliffs notes version rather than conduct research all by yourself, I’ll try to lay out what’s on the line in our final regular season week and make sure you have all the tools you need to enjoy a fantasy league ran by the biggest tool of all-time, Commissioner DeFelice.

Playoff Bubble
It’s anticlimactic and something that rarely happens, but there will be no bubbles bursting in week 13 because the playoff field has already been determined.  Rest in Piss to Fanning, Brian, Michael, Jordan, and Kevin who have probably sworn off this league and aren’t reading this anyway.  Your collective seasons can best be summed up with dropped passes and hard kicks to the asshole.

Playoff Seeding
As we all know there is no advantage from being the 1 seed or the 8 seed in this league.  No playoff byes, no home field advantage, no tiebreaker advantage, either.  That’s a little wonky but it’s what the people wanted so we’ll all just hope we end up in a seed that gives us the path of least resistance to the cup; whatever the hell path that might be.

Regular Season Champ (Estimated $240)
There are six teams that can win the regular season title, which is pretty neat.  None of the 8-4 teams will play against each other so there’s a very small chance they all lose and either J.P. or Meyer comes out of the clouds to pull this off.  It won’t happen but we did see some crazy shit in the last week of the season in 2015 so I might as well throw it out there.
Keep in mind that the tiebreaker is points scored, which gives Jerome a big advantage followed by a comfy cushion for Chris.

• If Jerome wins, he’s the regular season champ for the first time since we were in college.
• If Jerome loses, we’ll see which if the remaining 8-4 teams gets a win to overtake him.  Chris is the most likely contender as he’s got many more points than Dan or Castillo.  Dan will play against J.P. while Castillo will go up against the dead carcass that is the Peppel roster.

Points Scored Champ (Estimated $240)
Jerome wins unless Chris outscores me by 70.4 points this week.  ​If I lose this, I will calmly walk to my laptop and immediately delete this league.

Top Team QB ($55)
This has been quite the season long battle between Chris and Dave.  It should come down to the wire as 1.6 points separates these gunslingers with a very fun Rodgers vs. Brees battle to monitor on Sunday.
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Top Team RB ($55)
J.P. has our best RB duo by 57.7 points so he will run away with this award from Romer like his RB’s have run away from defenders all season long.  That lead is bigger than a shellfish allergic Ben Roethlisberger at Red Lobster. ​

Top Team WR ($55)
The commish has a 27-point advantage over Dan and a 37 point lead over Chris.  I'm feeling pretty confident about this trophy but Dan has Julio and Amari while Chris has Antonio and Davante and all four of them are capable of putting up some huge numbers.  Jerome should take this home unless Dan or Chris reach deep into their playbooks and send their receivers on some ricockulous routes.  

Most Outstanding Player ($19)
This will be the second trophy to be determined between Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees.  This won’t give their owners much money but will give them a small tip of the cap for a MOP performance in 2016.

Individual Awards (No $$$)
There’s not much to get from winning an individual award besides the satisfaction of drafting one of these players or keeping them.

QB: Brees leads Rodgers by 2.2
RB: David Johnson leads Ezekiel Elliot by 9.2
WR: Mike Evans leads Antonio Brown by 3.3
TE: Delanie Walker leads Greg Olsen by 3
D/ST: Vikings lead the Broncos by 20
K: Justin Tucker leads Matt Bryant by 5

That should cover pretty much everything, I think.  I’ll try to update all the trophies early next week and then hopefully provide a Round 1 playoff preview soon afterwards.  Hopefully I’ll have a little WAM (Walking Around Money) in my pocket when I sit down in front of my keyboard.  I’ll try to avoid heartbreak and heartburn with y’all with a drink via text or in person if I’m so lucky as we all whine, bitch, and complain our way into the fantasy football playoff season together on Sunday.

The Dirty Dozen is quiet now…a little too quiet if you ask me.  The top four scoring teams are also stacked 1 through 4 in our W-L standings.  The bottom four scoring teams are also the four teams that will not be playing any playoff football this season.  No team in this league can really complain about where they sit in the standings as their points scored supports their position.  Everything is right where it should be, which makes this seasoned D12er feel uneasy.  Fantasy football rarely goes as planned, which is why this chalk look of our standings could turn into chaos at the drop of Jeff Fisher's hella phat backwards hat.  

Chris: Aaron Rodgers’ personal and professional life is in shambles right now and Chris should be loving every second of it.  Rodgers hates his family and the Packers defense but that’s not standing in his way of averaging 35 PPG over the last month.  The fact that Rodgers is walking around in a living hell is a heavenly feeling for Chris Marvel.

Castillo: If this team could ever get a touchdown from Benjamin or Hopkins, it could be a title contender.  At least Le’Veon is back to scoring touchdowns and with a D12 schedule that’s been more accommodating than Geoffrey from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Castillo will be able to secure a playoff appearance and hope the touchdowns follow.  If they don’t we’ll be saying “Yo holmes, smell you later!” after Round 1.

​Jerome:  The aerial view of Blake Bortles’s head would make for a perfect match for the commish but Blake n' Romer will not be holding hands into the playoffs, mostly because Blake Bortles is a trash quarterback for a trash franchise in a trash city.

Here's further proof that executing a trade with me is a smart idea; Alshon Jeffrey gets pinched for consuming a banned substance after one active game on my roster and then A.J. Green’s hamstring decided to peace out three games into his Nerf Turbo tenure.  This should compel me to make a trade for a wide receiver, which I would if I didn’t think they would immediately be lost for the fantasy season soon afterwards.

Fanning:  Colorado passed a law that made it easier for long suffering people with terminal illnesses to just call it a life and Jeff Fanning might be the first to take advantage of that as his Granger Cup hopes are in hospice care.  It’s been a struggle from day one as Gronk has been on IR as much as he has been on the field, Jeff’s had to rely on Yeldon and Tavon Austin far too often, he’s averaging 4.2 points a game from his D/ST, and his trade proposals and acceptances have been comical and disastrous for all involved.

Jordan:  The Super Bowl hangover appears to be an actual thing in the NFL and considering that both Fanning and Jordan’s 2016 teams looked like us after Vegas all season long, it could be a real thing in this league as well.  That, or fantasy football players, owners, teams, and luck all vary widely from year to year and there’s no correlation from the results of one year to another.  Cam Newton’s MVP season in 2015 helped carry this team to the title game and Cam’s LVP season in 2016 is helping make sure Jordan ends up nowhere near the Granger Cup.

​Meyer: I’m unsure if Robert Kelley will continue to rack up fantasy points behind that mediocre offensive line for the offensively named football team but Meyer was opportunistic to grab him off waivers and is loving the production so far.  It’s been a Contra-like season for Granger (UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, B, A, START) which has seen him all over the map but he’s got plenty of options at RB and WR and could be in great position come playoff time now that R. Kelley is peeing on our faces.

Petty:  Just like his sex life, Russell Wilson waited far too long in this season to start scoring, which has allowed the rest of the league to gang bang Petty out of a playoff spot early and often.

diZerega: J.P. plowed into the top position thanks to Matt Ryan, DeMarco, Melvin, and LeSean but diZerega regressed back to the pack when 75% of these studs got hurt or relaxed during a BYE.  It would’ve been wise to take the under on this fantasy matchup based on the unavailable players and diZerega will have to pray to the injury gods that he’s never forced to rely on his bench like this ever again.

​Dave: Dave’s team is exasperatingly inconsistent once again but one thing David can always rely on is Ryan Matthews doing the opposite of what you hope he will do on the football field.  We did an Isaiah Crowell decision chart earlier this season and may I present the Ryan Matthews version for fantasy owners everywhere.

Coran: These guys had a monopoly on shitty football performances this Sunday.  This team was the Mediterranean and Baltic Ave. of the Dirty Dozen with a 59.7-point outing while being stuffed in a locker by Castillo.  Only one player on their entire team scored a touchdown and it was Colby Fleener and they were fortunate to get that considering ol’ Colby had three grabs for 17 yards.  Do not pass go, and you won’t be collecting any dollars if this team plays like this ever again.

​Dan:  Fantasy owners should try to eliminate their personal feelings for the betterment of their team but Danny Burke has gone full Darth Vader this year.  On top of the plethora of AFC West turd burglars Danny employs, he also has started Brock Osweiler for the second time this year for some unknown reason.  It’s not only a personal attack against us fellow Bronco fans in this league but it’s also a really stupid football decision because Brock Osweiler might be a less effective passer than the paralyzed QB on Friday Night Lights.  Osweiler has the same awkward look on Dan’s roster as braces do on an NFL player.

As a man grows older and experiences more of what life has to offer, he will involuntarily gain knowledge and perspective that he never had previously.  This might happen based on a life changing event or a collection of small instances that help enlighten what was previously an ignorant thought or ideal.  Infants used to be loud, weird looking diarrhea factories but now they are the apple of most D12 father’s eye.  Drinking downtown until your memory and wallet were zeroed out used to be something we all looked forward to and is now the worst possible evite to ever pop up in your Gmail account.  Our attitudes towards people, places, and things have surely changed many times over since we started this fantasy league and as I approach my 36th year on earth (the Brain Westbrook year), I now have an educated and cultivated opinion on fantasy football and this league.

We’ve been playing in this league since 2000 and many things have changed for each and every one of us on and off the fantasy field.  In this league, we've seen changes in scoring, rosters, strategies, priorities, draft nights, and champions.  Our roster of active owners has changed repeatedly for the good and the bad since we started but one thing has always remained constant, and that was the element of luck.  I used to think luck ruled fantasy football and no matter how much time, effort, and money we invested into fantasy football, luck would be the main reason any of us won or lost in our fantasy football leagues.

This opinion has been debated for many years with various estimations on the true luck/skill ratio that exists.  A recent DeFelice poll showed that championship teams attributed their wining to skill 84% of the time, while owners with a losing record attributed this to skill only 27% of the time.  It took 16 years of playing in a 12 team league but finally the 2016 season has showed me that D12 football is a league based on 0% luck and 100% skill.

This was not always my opinion.  Before, when I was fighting tooth-and-nail to win the 7 seed and the right to lose to J.P. in the first round based on a missed field goal, I was angry and confused that logging countless hours annually had netted me negative money since we started this league.  It seemed almost every season a 6 win, 7 loss team would get hot for three weeks and capture the Granger Cup and win a lot of our money, making a lot of us angry.  This caused me and many others to grow bitter at the sport we once loved and questioned if the ends ever justified the means.

​But now, as I have matured and gotten wiser, I realize that the “luck equals winner” opinion was wrong on so many levels.  As I sit atop the W-L and Points Scored Standings, staring down at the 13 other inferior brains in this league, I now realize it takes guts, grit, and skill to become a fantasy football winner.  The rest of you bleeding heart Hillary supporters are wallowing at the bottom, waiting for a handout while the commish is pulling himself up from the bootstraps and simply outworking and outthinking the rest of you.  Yes, it may have taken 16 hard years of never being atop of any regular season standings for me to realize this but the road to success will teach a man a thing or two about the mentality of losers like yourself and how to avoid that and become a winner like myself.  Even the people at DraftKings and FanDuel would agree that fantasy football is a game of skill, not a game of chance, and those organizations are loaded with ethical, intelligent businessmen.  All of what I just said is simply the harsh reality we must all face when we can’t get the job done and now that I see clearly, I will not waiver from my opinion that wrapping your Neumann gloves around the Granger Cup has everything to do with talent and drive and nothing to do with what you excuse makers call luck.  Unless I don’t win anything this year, then it’s all based on luck again.

11 Observations of 11 Losers
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Meyer: Granger’s going to have to juggle the best collection of pretty good receivers that nobody ever cares about.  Loaded with five WR2’s on this roster.

Petty: Big ups for joining the century club this week with your first 100+ point performance and second win of the season.  The week 9 output of 130 points represents 20% of the total points you’ve scored all season long.  High five.

Peppel’s: There’s bad points against luck where you play a juggernaut every week and then there’s bad points against luck when you lose games by a cunt hair throughout the season.  The Pep’s would probably be the first to tell you their team has been a major disappointment but they’ve also lost three games by two points or less so they could very well be in the playoff mix with some better luck.  These guys are getting robbed more than DeMarcus Ware and the Pep’s remain a frozen burrito.

Dave: Dropping Jordan Howard for Jeremy Langoford right before the MNF game last week couldn’t have gone any worse.  Not exactly a stupid move but definitely a regrettable one.  Running backs are a fickle bunch.

Castillo: Still waiting for that explosive 25+ point Le’Veon Bell game.  Dude cannot find the endzone.

Chris: Mark Ingram goes from -1.5 to 29.1 points in a week.  It’s hard enough to predict running backs, let alone running backs that play for the New Orleans Saints.

Lorey:  More examples of running backs being impossible to trust:  Jay Ajayi goes from a shot in the dark Sunday morning pickup to our 10th best running back in a month.

Dan:  This is one of many teams looking for any semblance of balance in the backfield.  With Latavius Murray looking like Bo Jackson against the Broncos and Doug Martin returning, this is a team that could be balanced and bodacious come playoff time.  Dan might have lost his 1st place spot but he also could be finding his swagger.

J.P.: Carson Palmer was supposed to be the tall, dark, and handsome man to lead you to the Granger Cup.  Then he got banged up, and the backup Matt Ryan turned into the most desirable backup quarterback since Johnny Moxon.

Missing you every day, Paul Walker.

Fanning:  I remember when every Devontae Booker owner and Broncos fan was more than excited for his chance to shine.  Maybe he’ll look better or maybe he’ll continue to get 3 YPC but he’s probably not the savior for fantasy teams or the Broncos offense this year.

Jordan:  You picked the wrong week to play our worst scoring team that suddenly went off and beat you by 60.  You have the most points against and your quarterback dresses up like a carnival barker for the gay circus every Sunday.  Your season can be summed up in one gif