I imagine that most of us are never further than arms length away from our fantasy scores on a Sunday. It's almost ingrained in the D12 DNA for most of us now that when we see one of our fantasy players score, we go directly to the laptop/tablet/phone to get a quick update on our score. For five teams in this league, the battery life on their mobile devices had to be very low because they were checking scores at breakneck speeds due to all the touchdowns. For three much sadder owners in our league, they might've thought their screens froze because every time they checked their score, the number stayed the same. We saw some big point totals from a handful of owners this week and we saw numbers that had some owners face-palming most of the day. Now lets use these Sunday devices for reading as we break down the week 6 action in the Dirty Dozen.
Dirk Diggler vs. Denver Donkey Punches
If you open up a Dirty Dozen history book, you will see the names J.P. diZerega and Zach Suer littered throughout it. These two owners can usually be spotted atop the standings, are good at scoring points, and have five Granger Cups between them. Relying on history to teach us about our future isn't always reliable but we should've guessed that these two owners would be first and second in the standings when they met in week six. This was a game that had the potential to be featured on The Blitz with Boomer and Teej but when it was over, J.P. put together a very forgettable effort while Zach ran his D12 winning streak to 18 in a row. Not much went right for J.P. this week but we saw DeMarco Murray continue his assault on the NFL record books as he logged his sixth straight 100 yard rushing game and did it against the vaunted Seahawks D. Murray is on a tear, continues to get a bunch of carries, and is delivering MVP-like results. J.P. had two AFC West D's to choose from with both playing against an inept offense so you would think J.P. could do no wrong regardless of who he started in the D/ST slot. diZerega ended up doing himself dirty with a dud from the Chargers who struggled to contain Derek Carr and posted a -1 point game, which was costly compared to the 20 fantasy points the Broncos put up. Everyone else on this roster failed to step up on Sunday which resulted in an embarrassing loss for J.P., who is the latest to come up small against the Donkey Punches.
I wish I could somehow comb the internet to look at every single fantasy league just to see if Zach Suer has the longest running winning streak on planet earth. I don't even think Zach remembers the feeling of watching the Sunday night game, cursing at his roster for playing like shit or beating himself up over a dumb roster move like the rest of us jamokes. Zach didn't get his usual 100+ points this week, which is sort of like losing for Z at this point but he did get his usual bounty of P. Manning to J. Thomas touchdowns and a stress free Sunday night of football watching. Even though Suer didn't get much on the ground, he made up for it with a nice game from the Titans D, a slick touchdown from Benjamin, and a couple of Julius Thomas touchdowns. I have no idea why defenses aren't paying more attention to him around the goalline but I do know that Manning makes sure he looks Julius's way every time they are in the red zone. This was one of the rare times that the Donkey Punches were vulnerable for a loss but once again the opponent folded up like a Save By the Bell trapper keeper. Much like Julius Thomas in the red zone, this D12 fantasy football stuff is so fucking easy for Zach Suer.
Dirk Diggler vs. Denver Donkey Punches
If you open up a Dirty Dozen history book, you will see the names J.P. diZerega and Zach Suer littered throughout it. These two owners can usually be spotted atop the standings, are good at scoring points, and have five Granger Cups between them. Relying on history to teach us about our future isn't always reliable but we should've guessed that these two owners would be first and second in the standings when they met in week six. This was a game that had the potential to be featured on The Blitz with Boomer and Teej but when it was over, J.P. put together a very forgettable effort while Zach ran his D12 winning streak to 18 in a row. Not much went right for J.P. this week but we saw DeMarco Murray continue his assault on the NFL record books as he logged his sixth straight 100 yard rushing game and did it against the vaunted Seahawks D. Murray is on a tear, continues to get a bunch of carries, and is delivering MVP-like results. J.P. had two AFC West D's to choose from with both playing against an inept offense so you would think J.P. could do no wrong regardless of who he started in the D/ST slot. diZerega ended up doing himself dirty with a dud from the Chargers who struggled to contain Derek Carr and posted a -1 point game, which was costly compared to the 20 fantasy points the Broncos put up. Everyone else on this roster failed to step up on Sunday which resulted in an embarrassing loss for J.P., who is the latest to come up small against the Donkey Punches.
I wish I could somehow comb the internet to look at every single fantasy league just to see if Zach Suer has the longest running winning streak on planet earth. I don't even think Zach remembers the feeling of watching the Sunday night game, cursing at his roster for playing like shit or beating himself up over a dumb roster move like the rest of us jamokes. Zach didn't get his usual 100+ points this week, which is sort of like losing for Z at this point but he did get his usual bounty of P. Manning to J. Thomas touchdowns and a stress free Sunday night of football watching. Even though Suer didn't get much on the ground, he made up for it with a nice game from the Titans D, a slick touchdown from Benjamin, and a couple of Julius Thomas touchdowns. I have no idea why defenses aren't paying more attention to him around the goalline but I do know that Manning makes sure he looks Julius's way every time they are in the red zone. This was one of the rare times that the Donkey Punches were vulnerable for a loss but once again the opponent folded up like a Save By the Bell trapper keeper. Much like Julius Thomas in the red zone, this D12 fantasy football stuff is so fucking easy for Zach Suer.
That's My Forte vs. Foles Gold
Jeff Meyer has been the recipient of some fortunate points against luck this season just like Zach Suer has and this trend continued again in week six when he doubled up on Corey and Dan. Jeff was Orioles super fan #1 this weekend as he flew cross country to cheer on the Showalters and their suddenly shaky bullpen and while the end result of that game 2 did not go according to plan, Meyer was able to see his players dominate early and often on Sunday. Rivers took a very nice matchup and provided 31.7 points for Jeff to continue his hot streak for this San Diego QB. Matt Forte has broken out of his early season slump and his 27.7 points was exactly what Meyer was counting on when he took Forte with the fifth overall selection. Forte now leads the NFL in receptions, too. Andre Johnson and Brandon Marshall had a couple of encouraging games as they both looked a little more agile than a week ago and it showed with two double digit scoring games. The Lions D helped slam the brakes on the Teddy Bridgewater hype train as their 24 points is another impressive performance for what could be our best fantasy D/ST right now. That's My Forte has certainly been lucky by not playing too many high scoring teams this year but much like the Donkey Punches, this team is also scoring a lot of points. Our top two teams are making virtually every game a blowout and telling us whiny points against complainers to blow it out our collective asses.
I think it's safe to say that shit had definitely hit the fan for Corey and Dan. That's what losing by 71.7 points will do. This team has now lost five games in a row and if that wasn't bad enough, this team found out that Calvin Johnson and A.J. Green will likely miss a chunk of time due to some untimely injuries. It's safe to say that Nick Foles might not be the breakout QB that some thought he might be and even though he's still a viable fantasy QB, he's making too many mistakes and missing too many receivers lately. It's about time these guy bury C.J. Spiller forever. Spiller has pretty much lost any faith Doug Marone had in him as he's not getting the ball a whole lot and is certainly not doing enough with the ball to warrant more touches. The loss of Megatron and Green meant Kendall Wright and John Brown would need to step up and they combined for 4.9 fantasy points to remind us that these two are nothing more than borderline WR3's right now. Even Andre Ellington wasn't able to take advantage of playing against the terrible Redskins D as he was just another piece of tinder to throw on this dumpster fire. Corey is now a 30 year old, which means his athletic career arc is officially on a downturn and by the looks of his fantasy ability and injury luck, Corey might tell Dan he's taking his old balls and going home for the rest of the season.
Nerf Turbos vs. Ray's Elevator Service
I hope all this pink is heightening your awareness of breast cancer but it's about time we all become aware of the D12 cancer that is Kevin Petty's fantasy football team. I think we're now looking at the worst team in our league and it's only a matter of time before we pull the plug on Kevin. I don't know how it's possible but Percy Harvin got three catches and three carries for a combined -1 yard this week. It's been a difficult season for Percy who has yet to have his breakout game for the Seahawks and he's been a frustrating receiver to follow for Petty. Kevin decided to drive by the D12 day laborer spot on Sunday morning to pick up a WR3 and while it wasn't a terrible idea, Kevin had enough in house workers already capable of doing the job right. Andrew Hawkins should've scored more than his zero points considering the Browns scored 31 on the day but Hawkins was only targeted twice and failed to haul in either pass. This team did have a couple of Chargers receivers that found the end zone while on Kevin's bench, which is appropriate for how bad this season has gone for Petty. I thought this Seahawk heavy lineup would put up some decent points against what I think is an average Cowboys D but the Cowboys looked really good again on Sunday and held Wilson, Lynch, and Harvin to 16.3 combined points. This season is spiraling out of control for Petty as he's going bizarro Suer style and losing every game he plays and he's probably one or two more losses away from calling 2014 a season to forget.
A Nerf Turbo is a ball that is designed to give elementary school kids a tight spiral and right now this fantasy team is spiraling up the standings at turbo speed. This is now four 100+ point games for the commish and three wins in a row to pull this team up to .500 on the season. Aaron Rodgers throws each pass like he's slinging a Nerf Turbo and he was fake spiking and TD chucking his way to 31.8 fantasy points in Miami. Jerome did have some early morning concerns when he only got 10.8 points combined from his running backs who continue to disappoint as a unit no matter who is plugged into the starting lineup. Alshon Jeffery made some nice grabs while Michael Floyd found the end zone to help the commish pull away from Kevin in the afternoon. I shouldn't waste your precious time talking about kickers on this site but the fact that Dan Bailey has more points than everyone on my team besides Aaron Rodgers speaks to how consistently great he's been at scoring points so far this season. It also means some of my RB's and WR's need to start getting into the endzone. DeFelice is starting to get back some of the confidence that was running through his veins after the draft and if this team continues to score 100+ points and methodically work their way up the standings, Jerome will be on his couch with a maniacal Jerry Jones grin as he looks down on his fantasy footballers each Sunday.
Jeff Meyer has been the recipient of some fortunate points against luck this season just like Zach Suer has and this trend continued again in week six when he doubled up on Corey and Dan. Jeff was Orioles super fan #1 this weekend as he flew cross country to cheer on the Showalters and their suddenly shaky bullpen and while the end result of that game 2 did not go according to plan, Meyer was able to see his players dominate early and often on Sunday. Rivers took a very nice matchup and provided 31.7 points for Jeff to continue his hot streak for this San Diego QB. Matt Forte has broken out of his early season slump and his 27.7 points was exactly what Meyer was counting on when he took Forte with the fifth overall selection. Forte now leads the NFL in receptions, too. Andre Johnson and Brandon Marshall had a couple of encouraging games as they both looked a little more agile than a week ago and it showed with two double digit scoring games. The Lions D helped slam the brakes on the Teddy Bridgewater hype train as their 24 points is another impressive performance for what could be our best fantasy D/ST right now. That's My Forte has certainly been lucky by not playing too many high scoring teams this year but much like the Donkey Punches, this team is also scoring a lot of points. Our top two teams are making virtually every game a blowout and telling us whiny points against complainers to blow it out our collective asses.
I think it's safe to say that shit had definitely hit the fan for Corey and Dan. That's what losing by 71.7 points will do. This team has now lost five games in a row and if that wasn't bad enough, this team found out that Calvin Johnson and A.J. Green will likely miss a chunk of time due to some untimely injuries. It's safe to say that Nick Foles might not be the breakout QB that some thought he might be and even though he's still a viable fantasy QB, he's making too many mistakes and missing too many receivers lately. It's about time these guy bury C.J. Spiller forever. Spiller has pretty much lost any faith Doug Marone had in him as he's not getting the ball a whole lot and is certainly not doing enough with the ball to warrant more touches. The loss of Megatron and Green meant Kendall Wright and John Brown would need to step up and they combined for 4.9 fantasy points to remind us that these two are nothing more than borderline WR3's right now. Even Andre Ellington wasn't able to take advantage of playing against the terrible Redskins D as he was just another piece of tinder to throw on this dumpster fire. Corey is now a 30 year old, which means his athletic career arc is officially on a downturn and by the looks of his fantasy ability and injury luck, Corey might tell Dan he's taking his old balls and going home for the rest of the season.
Nerf Turbos vs. Ray's Elevator Service
I hope all this pink is heightening your awareness of breast cancer but it's about time we all become aware of the D12 cancer that is Kevin Petty's fantasy football team. I think we're now looking at the worst team in our league and it's only a matter of time before we pull the plug on Kevin. I don't know how it's possible but Percy Harvin got three catches and three carries for a combined -1 yard this week. It's been a difficult season for Percy who has yet to have his breakout game for the Seahawks and he's been a frustrating receiver to follow for Petty. Kevin decided to drive by the D12 day laborer spot on Sunday morning to pick up a WR3 and while it wasn't a terrible idea, Kevin had enough in house workers already capable of doing the job right. Andrew Hawkins should've scored more than his zero points considering the Browns scored 31 on the day but Hawkins was only targeted twice and failed to haul in either pass. This team did have a couple of Chargers receivers that found the end zone while on Kevin's bench, which is appropriate for how bad this season has gone for Petty. I thought this Seahawk heavy lineup would put up some decent points against what I think is an average Cowboys D but the Cowboys looked really good again on Sunday and held Wilson, Lynch, and Harvin to 16.3 combined points. This season is spiraling out of control for Petty as he's going bizarro Suer style and losing every game he plays and he's probably one or two more losses away from calling 2014 a season to forget.
A Nerf Turbo is a ball that is designed to give elementary school kids a tight spiral and right now this fantasy team is spiraling up the standings at turbo speed. This is now four 100+ point games for the commish and three wins in a row to pull this team up to .500 on the season. Aaron Rodgers throws each pass like he's slinging a Nerf Turbo and he was fake spiking and TD chucking his way to 31.8 fantasy points in Miami. Jerome did have some early morning concerns when he only got 10.8 points combined from his running backs who continue to disappoint as a unit no matter who is plugged into the starting lineup. Alshon Jeffery made some nice grabs while Michael Floyd found the end zone to help the commish pull away from Kevin in the afternoon. I shouldn't waste your precious time talking about kickers on this site but the fact that Dan Bailey has more points than everyone on my team besides Aaron Rodgers speaks to how consistently great he's been at scoring points so far this season. It also means some of my RB's and WR's need to start getting into the endzone. DeFelice is starting to get back some of the confidence that was running through his veins after the draft and if this team continues to score 100+ points and methodically work their way up the standings, Jerome will be on his couch with a maniacal Jerry Jones grin as he looks down on his fantasy footballers each Sunday.
I'm Your Huckleberry vs. Ahwatukee Drunk Cactusman
We all know it's been a rough season for Dave in this league and no owner needed a 116.9 point game and a win more than this man to help lift his spirits. Dave has gotten close to nothing from his running backs all season so it must have felt like ten blowjobs when Dave saw Ben Tate and Joique Bell combine for 35.5 points. Dave has three quarterbacks who are all very capable of disappointing and while Dave had to like the sight of Cam Newton finally running the ball, he didn't like the sight of him doing it on Dave's bench. Ben Roethlisberger played like crap as most all of the Steelers did on Sunday and the 24.2 fewer points he scored than Newton definitely looked like it could haunt Cress. Dave hasn't had much to like about his trade with Jerome but Mohammad Sanu made Dave look pretty wise as he's got the potential to score lots of points if he's Dalton's main target while Green is injured. Sanu's 18 points was clutch for Cress as was the 10.7 from Zach Ertz on Sunday night, which more or less clinched the first victory on the season for Dave. This team still has plenty of work to do but now that they finally notched a tally in the win column, the mood around the Cactusman locker room has improved by leaps and bounds.
Andrew Luck's 30.6 points on Thursday night was a very good start for Castillo in his attempt to pour a little more dirt on Dave's season. While Luck continued to be the best player for this team, the rest of Castillo's roster didn't answer the bell. LeVeon Bell continues to be a steady RB1 but one RB that you can never call steady is Stevan Ridley who was taken out of the game for injury instead of fumbling this time but his 2.9 points was more reason for Castillo to welcome Jamaal Charles back from a bye with open arms next week. DeSean Jackson actually stepped up and Castillo actually started him this weekend as Castillo was drawing ever closer to Dave as the afternoon games progressed. Castillo needed his tight end to outscore Dave's tight end on Sunday night in order to make it really interesting on MNF but the opposite happened with Donnell doing next to nothing while Ertz was able to get a touchdown. Castillo probably thought he could just casually defeat the Cactusman like many have before him but Castillo must now suffer the humiliation of losing to a last place team much like this creep must suffer from casually taking an upskirt photo of a cheerleader on Sunday and was instead caught red handed on national television.
We all know it's been a rough season for Dave in this league and no owner needed a 116.9 point game and a win more than this man to help lift his spirits. Dave has gotten close to nothing from his running backs all season so it must have felt like ten blowjobs when Dave saw Ben Tate and Joique Bell combine for 35.5 points. Dave has three quarterbacks who are all very capable of disappointing and while Dave had to like the sight of Cam Newton finally running the ball, he didn't like the sight of him doing it on Dave's bench. Ben Roethlisberger played like crap as most all of the Steelers did on Sunday and the 24.2 fewer points he scored than Newton definitely looked like it could haunt Cress. Dave hasn't had much to like about his trade with Jerome but Mohammad Sanu made Dave look pretty wise as he's got the potential to score lots of points if he's Dalton's main target while Green is injured. Sanu's 18 points was clutch for Cress as was the 10.7 from Zach Ertz on Sunday night, which more or less clinched the first victory on the season for Dave. This team still has plenty of work to do but now that they finally notched a tally in the win column, the mood around the Cactusman locker room has improved by leaps and bounds.
Andrew Luck's 30.6 points on Thursday night was a very good start for Castillo in his attempt to pour a little more dirt on Dave's season. While Luck continued to be the best player for this team, the rest of Castillo's roster didn't answer the bell. LeVeon Bell continues to be a steady RB1 but one RB that you can never call steady is Stevan Ridley who was taken out of the game for injury instead of fumbling this time but his 2.9 points was more reason for Castillo to welcome Jamaal Charles back from a bye with open arms next week. DeSean Jackson actually stepped up and Castillo actually started him this weekend as Castillo was drawing ever closer to Dave as the afternoon games progressed. Castillo needed his tight end to outscore Dave's tight end on Sunday night in order to make it really interesting on MNF but the opposite happened with Donnell doing next to nothing while Ertz was able to get a touchdown. Castillo probably thought he could just casually defeat the Cactusman like many have before him but Castillo must now suffer the humiliation of losing to a last place team much like this creep must suffer from casually taking an upskirt photo of a cheerleader on Sunday and was instead caught red handed on national television.
Westminster White Devils vs. Ambiguously Gay Duo
It's fun to watch two fighters exchange punches for 10 rounds and the Thursday night football game saw Arian Foster and T.Y. Hilton trade jaw jarring punches all night. Watching Foster watch defenses is something to behold as I can't think of a running back that sets up his blockers and has the vision that Foster has. Foster found the endzone twice and his 26.1 points would usually be the most by a non-QB on any given Thursday night. That was until T.Y. Hilton decided to break out by catching everything thrown his way for 28.3 points and probably that many F-bombs from Fanning as he watched the Texans secondary get shredded all night. Hilton's night was particularly upsetting for Jeff only because the receiver on the other side of the field was getting ignored while Hilton dominated. Reggie Wayne was only able to gain 35 yards on the night and didn't do much to take away any attention that Luck had towards Hilton. Fanning got another solid performance from Justin Forsett with his 111 yards but the receivers on this team really sunk any chances Fanning had at victory. It's time for Fanning and all Wes Welker owners to officially worry about Welker's role in the Broncos offense. Wes only got one target on Sunday and the Broncos look pretty comfortable with looking at any direction besides Welker's in order to move the chains. There's probably not much Fanning could do to score more than the 125.6 points the Pep's scored this week and with Brees on a bye, that task was more desperate than us during last call at Zydeco's.
Ace and Gary have some real concerns with their backfield but they have to walk away from week six encouraged by what they saw. We might've seen the shortest starting backfield in the history of our league with Bernard and Hillman starting for the Pep's but these little guys put up big yardage numbers as they both ran for over 100 yards and both combined for 33.3 points on the day. Hillman looked pretty good out there and if he continues to run like this and not lose a fumble, he might work his way into the backfield rotation regarless if Montee is healthy or not and it that's the case, the Pep's might have a decent RB2 or RB3 on their team. These guys were waiting for a breakout game from T.Y. and Hilton delivered in a big way for a receiving corps that is now the highest scoring in our league. Cutler is automatic for at least 20 points every week and his 381 yards passing was another reason for these Broncos fans to appreciate the former Bronco QB. It was all gravy, baby with the exception of the Bengals D whose -4 points made it three consecutive weeks that this fantasy team has gotten negative points from their D/ST. If they can figure out what D to play, I don't see any reason why this team can't continue to score points and work their way up the D12 ladder.
Demaryius Targaryen vs. Graham's Crackers
When your quarterback scores 38.7 points and your team scores 117.6 points, chances are you'll be spooning in bed on Sunday night with a W. It's hard to know if Brady's bad numbers earlier this year were because of diminished skills or diminished surrounding talent but whatever the case, it looks like Tom is figured it out. Brady threw for four touchdowns and let us know that the rumords of the demise of Brady and the Patriots have been greatly exaggerated. D.T. played some more great football on Sunday and Jordan Cameron caught a long TD to help Jordan go blow for blow with his bro. This team is starting to play better at the QB and WR positions but they are still waiting for the running backs to snap out of their season long funk. I'm not sure if Doug Martin will ever get more than 20 touches in a game but regardless of his usage, he's good for about 4.5 points a game, no more, no less. Frank Gore has been good for parts of this season but when Jordan needed Frank the Tank to be better than good on Monday night, he was the opposite. This is probably why Jordan ranks the lowest in running back points in the league. Jordan was good enough to win this week but I'm guessing his Sunday hangover was made even worse when he had to watch Joe Flacco toss back touchdowns like they were shots of fireball at a 30th birthday party.
Just like Varsity Blues, I can't imagine Coach Chris Marvel was happy at all by yelling at the backup QB to drop the clipboard and go win him a ballgame. But much like Mox, Joe Flacco went in there and exceeded every expectation. 42.2 points is expected from the Peyton's, Luck's, and A-Rod's of our league but not from the unibrowed caveman with slow decision making. Flacco benefited from a bumbling Bucs team and took full advantage by tossing five touchdowns on the day and having Chris sing "There goes my heroooo!" as Flacco ran up the score. Chris got a couple more solid games from Antonio Brown and his former teammate Mike Wallace but it was still looking very iffy going into Sunday night. I don't know if we can call the Eagles defensive unit a dominant one but they are somhow, someway our #2 ranked D/ST. Most of this is due to their superior special teams and turnover ability but the Eagles looked stout as a unit by shutting out the Giants on their way to a 21 point fantasy day. Chris has to be a little bummed that his little guy twisted his knee up but he might've been cheered up by seeing LeSean McCoy finally break out and break some long runs. Losing Sproles will take away an option for this team but McCoy can compensate if he runs like he did on Sunday night. Chris had a somewhat comfy lead on Monday night and when Gore continued to get stuffed and Dawson drilled a 55 yarder, Chris could hand out one game ball to Flacco and one game ball to himself for making a move to roll with Joe and it turning out better than anyone thought it could.
Other thoughts:
Colorado State looked like world beaters for 45 minutes of football and then looked like uncle fuckers the next 15 minutes. That would've been a brutal loss for the Rams but they held tight and walked away with a nice win. This is the season of progress for this program and again, while getting a few votes in the AP and coaches poll is nothing to pop champagne over, it's another sign that this team is working its way out of the doldrums we've seen them in for far too long.
The Broncos offensive line needs to get better. At least they sort of ran the ball this week. That Talib pick 6 at the end of the game was a legendary moment in gambling history.
I'm approaching a time where I cannot get overly intoxicated for the fact that I might be called upon to drive my pregnant wife to the labor room. This is somewhat scary for me. We're all similar drinkers as we either go 0 MPH or 100 MPH when we drink and once that buzz gets triggered, it's really hard for any one of us to stop.
Corey rapping Juicy will never not be funny.
These baseball playoffs have been a lot of fun to follow.
This is what the Wild did to the Avs to start the season.
It's fun to watch two fighters exchange punches for 10 rounds and the Thursday night football game saw Arian Foster and T.Y. Hilton trade jaw jarring punches all night. Watching Foster watch defenses is something to behold as I can't think of a running back that sets up his blockers and has the vision that Foster has. Foster found the endzone twice and his 26.1 points would usually be the most by a non-QB on any given Thursday night. That was until T.Y. Hilton decided to break out by catching everything thrown his way for 28.3 points and probably that many F-bombs from Fanning as he watched the Texans secondary get shredded all night. Hilton's night was particularly upsetting for Jeff only because the receiver on the other side of the field was getting ignored while Hilton dominated. Reggie Wayne was only able to gain 35 yards on the night and didn't do much to take away any attention that Luck had towards Hilton. Fanning got another solid performance from Justin Forsett with his 111 yards but the receivers on this team really sunk any chances Fanning had at victory. It's time for Fanning and all Wes Welker owners to officially worry about Welker's role in the Broncos offense. Wes only got one target on Sunday and the Broncos look pretty comfortable with looking at any direction besides Welker's in order to move the chains. There's probably not much Fanning could do to score more than the 125.6 points the Pep's scored this week and with Brees on a bye, that task was more desperate than us during last call at Zydeco's.
Ace and Gary have some real concerns with their backfield but they have to walk away from week six encouraged by what they saw. We might've seen the shortest starting backfield in the history of our league with Bernard and Hillman starting for the Pep's but these little guys put up big yardage numbers as they both ran for over 100 yards and both combined for 33.3 points on the day. Hillman looked pretty good out there and if he continues to run like this and not lose a fumble, he might work his way into the backfield rotation regarless if Montee is healthy or not and it that's the case, the Pep's might have a decent RB2 or RB3 on their team. These guys were waiting for a breakout game from T.Y. and Hilton delivered in a big way for a receiving corps that is now the highest scoring in our league. Cutler is automatic for at least 20 points every week and his 381 yards passing was another reason for these Broncos fans to appreciate the former Bronco QB. It was all gravy, baby with the exception of the Bengals D whose -4 points made it three consecutive weeks that this fantasy team has gotten negative points from their D/ST. If they can figure out what D to play, I don't see any reason why this team can't continue to score points and work their way up the D12 ladder.
Demaryius Targaryen vs. Graham's Crackers
When your quarterback scores 38.7 points and your team scores 117.6 points, chances are you'll be spooning in bed on Sunday night with a W. It's hard to know if Brady's bad numbers earlier this year were because of diminished skills or diminished surrounding talent but whatever the case, it looks like Tom is figured it out. Brady threw for four touchdowns and let us know that the rumords of the demise of Brady and the Patriots have been greatly exaggerated. D.T. played some more great football on Sunday and Jordan Cameron caught a long TD to help Jordan go blow for blow with his bro. This team is starting to play better at the QB and WR positions but they are still waiting for the running backs to snap out of their season long funk. I'm not sure if Doug Martin will ever get more than 20 touches in a game but regardless of his usage, he's good for about 4.5 points a game, no more, no less. Frank Gore has been good for parts of this season but when Jordan needed Frank the Tank to be better than good on Monday night, he was the opposite. This is probably why Jordan ranks the lowest in running back points in the league. Jordan was good enough to win this week but I'm guessing his Sunday hangover was made even worse when he had to watch Joe Flacco toss back touchdowns like they were shots of fireball at a 30th birthday party.
Just like Varsity Blues, I can't imagine Coach Chris Marvel was happy at all by yelling at the backup QB to drop the clipboard and go win him a ballgame. But much like Mox, Joe Flacco went in there and exceeded every expectation. 42.2 points is expected from the Peyton's, Luck's, and A-Rod's of our league but not from the unibrowed caveman with slow decision making. Flacco benefited from a bumbling Bucs team and took full advantage by tossing five touchdowns on the day and having Chris sing "There goes my heroooo!" as Flacco ran up the score. Chris got a couple more solid games from Antonio Brown and his former teammate Mike Wallace but it was still looking very iffy going into Sunday night. I don't know if we can call the Eagles defensive unit a dominant one but they are somhow, someway our #2 ranked D/ST. Most of this is due to their superior special teams and turnover ability but the Eagles looked stout as a unit by shutting out the Giants on their way to a 21 point fantasy day. Chris has to be a little bummed that his little guy twisted his knee up but he might've been cheered up by seeing LeSean McCoy finally break out and break some long runs. Losing Sproles will take away an option for this team but McCoy can compensate if he runs like he did on Sunday night. Chris had a somewhat comfy lead on Monday night and when Gore continued to get stuffed and Dawson drilled a 55 yarder, Chris could hand out one game ball to Flacco and one game ball to himself for making a move to roll with Joe and it turning out better than anyone thought it could.
Other thoughts:
Colorado State looked like world beaters for 45 minutes of football and then looked like uncle fuckers the next 15 minutes. That would've been a brutal loss for the Rams but they held tight and walked away with a nice win. This is the season of progress for this program and again, while getting a few votes in the AP and coaches poll is nothing to pop champagne over, it's another sign that this team is working its way out of the doldrums we've seen them in for far too long.
The Broncos offensive line needs to get better. At least they sort of ran the ball this week. That Talib pick 6 at the end of the game was a legendary moment in gambling history.
I'm approaching a time where I cannot get overly intoxicated for the fact that I might be called upon to drive my pregnant wife to the labor room. This is somewhat scary for me. We're all similar drinkers as we either go 0 MPH or 100 MPH when we drink and once that buzz gets triggered, it's really hard for any one of us to stop.
Corey rapping Juicy will never not be funny.
These baseball playoffs have been a lot of fun to follow.
This is what the Wild did to the Avs to start the season.
A disclaimer for anyone that reads this recap soon after I post it; I am not a fucking idiot. True, I am an idiot but based on some of the misspellings and sentences that I see on here after I reread my posts, I may come across as a fucking idiot. I'm trying to punch this thing out during my free time at work or at home and I tend to get distracted throughout the construction of this thing. I can't tell you how many times I read a sentence like "Is Shaky McCoy struggling dew to a week offensive line or is McCoy the won to Point your hands at?" Fucking idiot. Anyway, I feel like a dipshit when I proofread this thing and please try to keep that in mind when you come across one of the 10 parts of the recap that look like they were written by Sloth's retarded 7 year old son. I need to run this by an editor every week.
Finally, I'll leave you with more D12 trivia.
Foles Gold's 71.7 point defeat is not the largest of all time. What is?
Answer: Jordan defeats Jerome in week 13 of the 2013 season 187-84.3 for a margin of 104.4 points. Christ on a crossing route, is that embarrassing.
Finally, I'll leave you with more D12 trivia.
Foles Gold's 71.7 point defeat is not the largest of all time. What is?
Answer: Jordan defeats Jerome in week 13 of the 2013 season 187-84.3 for a margin of 104.4 points. Christ on a crossing route, is that embarrassing.