With this same group (RIP in peace, Zach), playing in this same league, with the same rules (RIP in peace, WR3) for so long, we’ve gotten used to the same gripes and complaints said by the dozen-plus owners over a dozen-plus seasons. Without fail one of us (probably me) will say “I should’ve let the computer draft for me” which is about as fresh and funny as the receptionist who asks “Is it Friday yet?” every single day of every single week. Whether or not it still provokes a smile from your buddy, letting the computer draft for you is an experiment that would be interesting to see play out but one that would deprive us of controlling our $150 team on the most exciting day of D12 football.
It does seem like whether or not you spend five hours or five minutes studying fantasy football prior to the draft, you will inevitably finish 6-7 and then hope you can catch enough breaks to win some money come playoff time. After watching my fantasy teams trudge through many consecutive sucky seasons I was tempted to let the CPU pick my team to try to be the wacky/lazy/curious guy in our league but instead I resisted temptation and joined the rest of you in our feeble attempt to pick our own dream team. With boredom and curiosity still present after the draft, I decided to see how mine and your teams would look if we auto drafted. Much like the dork that simulates seasons of Madden without playing a game, I ran a separate simulated draft and setup a fake league to see how it would play out. I will do minimal roster moves to keep teams active but we can see how this league plays out (don’t worry, no need for any recaps on the fake D12 league) so we can all finally answer the unfunny question of if you should’ve just let the computer draft for you this season or not. I’ll put the auto draft next to your real draft below so you can compare and then I’ll attempt to analyze your real draft to see if we can predict one single thing correctly on how that will play out in the next 16 weeks in our league. Chances are high that none of what you're about to read comes true and chances are higher that what I'm about to say will be one of the most insanely idiotic things you have ever heard. At no point in my rambling, incoherent recap will I be even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this league will be dumber for reading it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
The Bushwhackers
Our preseason draft order game can be dumb fun but there are some semi-serious implications in a year when we keep two players. The reason why is that there always seems to be a couple of high priced players that could not be retained and one of those players was Ezekiel Elliot, who was rated a top 10 player on many draft boards even though he played at Ohio State last year, where he got paid almost as much as he will this year. Elliot could put up some huge numbers behind the Cowboys massive front line and the Zeke-Adrian Peterson combo could very easily be the best backfield our league has to offer. The Pep’s might’ve lucked out to grab Elliot due to golfers and horses but they weaved their way through the draft like an expert jockey through a crowded field at Churchill Downs. Randall Cobb needs to bounce back from an ugly year but does provide some value where the Pep’s got him and along with DeAndre Hopkins and Allen Hurns, this team has one stud, one bounce back, and one breakthrough player outside of the hashes. If they don’t feel like going with Hurns at the flex, they can easily roll out Jonathan Stewart or Frank Gore and hope for some goal line points. Stewart and Gore are boring as shit but they are pretty damn exciting RB3 and RB4 options. Eli is not consistent but he’ll probably be a top 10 QB and should play well enough to not crush the rest of this really solid roster. If you look below and see our Human Draft vs. Auto Draft grades, you’ll see that the Peppel Bros. and ESPN robots had a great night in the draft room. It’s anticlimactic to pick our eventual 2016 champion this early in the recap but I’m going to shoot my wad early and predict these two bothers will Eifel Tower the rest of our league and make us all watch a video of 2 Dudes, 1 (Granger) Cup at the end of the year.
It does seem like whether or not you spend five hours or five minutes studying fantasy football prior to the draft, you will inevitably finish 6-7 and then hope you can catch enough breaks to win some money come playoff time. After watching my fantasy teams trudge through many consecutive sucky seasons I was tempted to let the CPU pick my team to try to be the wacky/lazy/curious guy in our league but instead I resisted temptation and joined the rest of you in our feeble attempt to pick our own dream team. With boredom and curiosity still present after the draft, I decided to see how mine and your teams would look if we auto drafted. Much like the dork that simulates seasons of Madden without playing a game, I ran a separate simulated draft and setup a fake league to see how it would play out. I will do minimal roster moves to keep teams active but we can see how this league plays out (don’t worry, no need for any recaps on the fake D12 league) so we can all finally answer the unfunny question of if you should’ve just let the computer draft for you this season or not. I’ll put the auto draft next to your real draft below so you can compare and then I’ll attempt to analyze your real draft to see if we can predict one single thing correctly on how that will play out in the next 16 weeks in our league. Chances are high that none of what you're about to read comes true and chances are higher that what I'm about to say will be one of the most insanely idiotic things you have ever heard. At no point in my rambling, incoherent recap will I be even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this league will be dumber for reading it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
The Bushwhackers
Our preseason draft order game can be dumb fun but there are some semi-serious implications in a year when we keep two players. The reason why is that there always seems to be a couple of high priced players that could not be retained and one of those players was Ezekiel Elliot, who was rated a top 10 player on many draft boards even though he played at Ohio State last year, where he got paid almost as much as he will this year. Elliot could put up some huge numbers behind the Cowboys massive front line and the Zeke-Adrian Peterson combo could very easily be the best backfield our league has to offer. The Pep’s might’ve lucked out to grab Elliot due to golfers and horses but they weaved their way through the draft like an expert jockey through a crowded field at Churchill Downs. Randall Cobb needs to bounce back from an ugly year but does provide some value where the Pep’s got him and along with DeAndre Hopkins and Allen Hurns, this team has one stud, one bounce back, and one breakthrough player outside of the hashes. If they don’t feel like going with Hurns at the flex, they can easily roll out Jonathan Stewart or Frank Gore and hope for some goal line points. Stewart and Gore are boring as shit but they are pretty damn exciting RB3 and RB4 options. Eli is not consistent but he’ll probably be a top 10 QB and should play well enough to not crush the rest of this really solid roster. If you look below and see our Human Draft vs. Auto Draft grades, you’ll see that the Peppel Bros. and ESPN robots had a great night in the draft room. It’s anticlimactic to pick our eventual 2016 champion this early in the recap but I’m going to shoot my wad early and predict these two bothers will Eifel Tower the rest of our league and make us all watch a video of 2 Dudes, 1 (Granger) Cup at the end of the year.
Drunk Hiccups
We’ve never had two owners trade draft picks before the draft so when old Sts. Peter and Paul pals executed the first predraft player exchange and added the spice of a keeper into the mix, it probably caused some intrigue and complaining from the rest of the league. You might want to wonder what bribe Dan took to part with David Johnson but it would be more fair to judge this trade after the draft picks were made by these owners. In the end, Dan traded David Johnson and Doug Baldwin for Amari Cooper and Latavius Murray, which really doesn’t sound bad at all besides the fact that Cooper and Murray play for those smelly buttholes in Oakland. This helped Dan put together a very solid lineup that has depth and can contend this year. Dan smartly grabbed Doug Martin early to replace David Johnson, then cashed in his commissioner trade chips, and then proceeded to fill out a steady starting lineup with Rivers and Kelce (Jesus Dan, lot of AFC West ass clowns on your team) followed by some late round potential studs with Josh Gordon, Will Fuller, and Terrance West. Dan will need his Terrance West pick to land because he’s currently Dan’s RB3, which was a mistake on his part and could derail this team if Martin or Murray get hurt or play like crap. Dan won’t have to worry about his lone keeper, Julio Jones because he could very easily be the #1 WR in our league and even though I kind of like his auto draft roster just a fraction better, I think Dan did a very nice job of wheeling and dealing and turning it into fantasy football assets. Dan was drinkin' n' draftin' in Nebraska for some godforsaken reason and I have to believe he put down the Busch beer, stood up, and Freddie Mitchell’ed the fuck out of his laptop when he saw his final roster in Huskerland.
We’ve never had two owners trade draft picks before the draft so when old Sts. Peter and Paul pals executed the first predraft player exchange and added the spice of a keeper into the mix, it probably caused some intrigue and complaining from the rest of the league. You might want to wonder what bribe Dan took to part with David Johnson but it would be more fair to judge this trade after the draft picks were made by these owners. In the end, Dan traded David Johnson and Doug Baldwin for Amari Cooper and Latavius Murray, which really doesn’t sound bad at all besides the fact that Cooper and Murray play for those smelly buttholes in Oakland. This helped Dan put together a very solid lineup that has depth and can contend this year. Dan smartly grabbed Doug Martin early to replace David Johnson, then cashed in his commissioner trade chips, and then proceeded to fill out a steady starting lineup with Rivers and Kelce (Jesus Dan, lot of AFC West ass clowns on your team) followed by some late round potential studs with Josh Gordon, Will Fuller, and Terrance West. Dan will need his Terrance West pick to land because he’s currently Dan’s RB3, which was a mistake on his part and could derail this team if Martin or Murray get hurt or play like crap. Dan won’t have to worry about his lone keeper, Julio Jones because he could very easily be the #1 WR in our league and even though I kind of like his auto draft roster just a fraction better, I think Dan did a very nice job of wheeling and dealing and turning it into fantasy football assets. Dan was drinkin' n' draftin' in Nebraska for some godforsaken reason and I have to believe he put down the Busch beer, stood up, and Freddie Mitchell’ed the fuck out of his laptop when he saw his final roster in Huskerland.
Westminster Warriors
There are many reasons to not take anyone’s opinion seriously after the draft when we talk about who the eventual champion will be. Two of the main reasons are:
1) Your week 16 roster will likely look much different than your week 1 roster
2) Fantasy football playoffs are a crapshoot
Jeff Fanning took home the Granger Cup last year thanks to some nice FA pickups and some hot streaks but his 2015 draft is perfect proof that getting too high or low about your team after the draft isn’t worth it. Looking at his 2015 draft class, I see three players that contributed to his fantasy title run (Gronk, A.J., and Gostkowski) and nine players that weren’t on his roster when he hoisted the cup.
There are many reasons to not take anyone’s opinion seriously after the draft when we talk about who the eventual champion will be. Two of the main reasons are:
1) Your week 16 roster will likely look much different than your week 1 roster
2) Fantasy football playoffs are a crapshoot
Jeff Fanning took home the Granger Cup last year thanks to some nice FA pickups and some hot streaks but his 2015 draft is perfect proof that getting too high or low about your team after the draft isn’t worth it. Looking at his 2015 draft class, I see three players that contributed to his fantasy title run (Gronk, A.J., and Gostkowski) and nine players that weren’t on his roster when he hoisted the cup.
I’m not trying to crap on Fanning’s 2015 draft or his championship but I am trying to show us an example of something we probably already knew, which is that our job of winning the Granger Cup will last far beyond draft night. Fanning’s 2015 draft class does translate perfectly to his 6-7 season, which is proof that this bad draft did play out as expected for most of the season. Now that I’ve spent entirely too much time on last year’s team, I should offer up a thought or two on Fanning’s 2016 squad. Jordy Nelson could be the big threat he was before his untimely injury but he was probably our riskiest pick in the opening round. I don’t know what the hell to expect from Forte but having him lead a backfield followed by T.J. Yeldon and Duke Johnson isn’t ideal. Andrew Luck is going to need more time in the pocket this year and hopefully can shake off a horrible 2015 season. I knew Devontae Booker would come off the board a lot earlier than his usual draft position and Fanning will be the Broncos fan that will be the least upset if C.J. Anderson gets hurt. Overall, this team looks like one with a lot of injury risks but we know that even if a lot of early round picks go down early, it doesn’t mean Fanning can’t repeat as D12 champion.
I’m Your Huckleberry
Starting a season with a couple of mediocre keepers is like starting a round of golf with a couple of double bogeys. It doesn’t have to ruin your day but it will make it a lot harder to put up a respectable score. There was nothing wrong with keeping Le’Veon Bell as a keeper but he plays for the Steelers which means he’s a part of an organization that burns more trees than Paul Bunyan’s fire pit. Bell will be lost for the first three games and Castillo is going to have to trust Derrick Henry or Jay Ajayi in order to avoid some ugly scores early in his round. Picking Devonta Freeman with his first pick will certainly help. Castillo did a great job of finding a replacement last year so maybe he’s got the smarts to scramble again this year. Kelvin Benjamin does not look quite ready to go full bore early in the year so Castillo is going to need his other keeper, TY Hilton to team up with Jordan Reed and Jordan Matthews to get some long scores while Benjamin gets his knee and conditioning back in order. Derek Carr was starting to look like a pretty decent NFL quarterback and we’ll see if the Raiders allow him to make all the throws this year and become the best QB in Oakland since Rich Gannon. To be honest, I think this team has too many holes in their lungs, their knees, their belt loops, and their roster to win our regular season title again and Castillo’s going to want to ask for a human draft mulligan by week 8.
Starting a season with a couple of mediocre keepers is like starting a round of golf with a couple of double bogeys. It doesn’t have to ruin your day but it will make it a lot harder to put up a respectable score. There was nothing wrong with keeping Le’Veon Bell as a keeper but he plays for the Steelers which means he’s a part of an organization that burns more trees than Paul Bunyan’s fire pit. Bell will be lost for the first three games and Castillo is going to have to trust Derrick Henry or Jay Ajayi in order to avoid some ugly scores early in his round. Picking Devonta Freeman with his first pick will certainly help. Castillo did a great job of finding a replacement last year so maybe he’s got the smarts to scramble again this year. Kelvin Benjamin does not look quite ready to go full bore early in the year so Castillo is going to need his other keeper, TY Hilton to team up with Jordan Reed and Jordan Matthews to get some long scores while Benjamin gets his knee and conditioning back in order. Derek Carr was starting to look like a pretty decent NFL quarterback and we’ll see if the Raiders allow him to make all the throws this year and become the best QB in Oakland since Rich Gannon. To be honest, I think this team has too many holes in their lungs, their knees, their belt loops, and their roster to win our regular season title again and Castillo’s going to want to ask for a human draft mulligan by week 8.
Nerf Turbos
As is customary, the D12 draft brings out too many fond memories of debauchery and once that trigger is set off, my brain wants to drink alcohol and drink it as fast as possible. The beer was going down easy that night and combined with some Ft. Collins fireball, the tone was set early for some regrettable draft picks. I woke up the next day with a very acute pain shooting through the back of my skull and with a lot of the night erased from my memory, I had to wonder if I suffered a concussion on one of my trips to the fridge on Friday night. Looking at the Nerf Turbos roster confirmed my suspicion that I did in fact suffer a traumatic brain injury because that’s the only way I can explain having Brock Osweiler as my stating QB. I know ESPN and the NFL will try to hide fantasy football GM concussions from the public and hopefully intelligent doctors and the Fresh Prince will help educate us all and bring to light the dark and seedy underbelly of drafting a fantasy team while intoxicated.
As is customary, the D12 draft brings out too many fond memories of debauchery and once that trigger is set off, my brain wants to drink alcohol and drink it as fast as possible. The beer was going down easy that night and combined with some Ft. Collins fireball, the tone was set early for some regrettable draft picks. I woke up the next day with a very acute pain shooting through the back of my skull and with a lot of the night erased from my memory, I had to wonder if I suffered a concussion on one of my trips to the fridge on Friday night. Looking at the Nerf Turbos roster confirmed my suspicion that I did in fact suffer a traumatic brain injury because that’s the only way I can explain having Brock Osweiler as my stating QB. I know ESPN and the NFL will try to hide fantasy football GM concussions from the public and hopefully intelligent doctors and the Fresh Prince will help educate us all and bring to light the dark and seedy underbelly of drafting a fantasy team while intoxicated.
I was very serious about auto drafting my team and you could probably see that when I was willing to trade any draft picks in order to acquire actual players before the draft. David Johnson is high on some people’s draft boards but he really was good for about four weeks last year so there’s no telling if he can maintain his studliness for an entire season. I took a tight end earlier than I would like and my flex options are fine by me but it’s going to be very interesting to see if Osweiler is the first of many, many QB’s I plug into the starting lineup this year. I should know that pretty much all of you assholes love to draft a backup QB, even if you already have an all-star on your roster so while I would love to sit here and scream at all of you jamokes for drafting backups in rounds 8-12, I should know better by now and bite the bullet before it spirals out of control and I’m starting the Houston Texans’ lanky QB that makes too much money.
Team Tecmo
Watching a fellow owner name his D12 team after Tecmo makes me want to blow him as hard as I had to blow the NES cartridge back in the day and Meyer’s honoring of the greatest football game ever should be a great start to a great season. Unfortunately, I think Meyer will want to press the reset button on this season before we get to November. Due to lack of options, Meyer was forced to suck up Brady’s four game suspension as his keeper and Meyer was then put into a deeper hole when Jamaal Charles came out of preseason with more questions than answers about his knee. When the draft began, Meyer decided to go against rational thought and drafted five wide receivers and one running back with his first six draft picks. Maybe Jeff Meyer has a long term plan that will revolutionize our league, maybe Jeff Meyer thinks we replaced all positions with a Flex spot, or maybe Jeff Meyer has no clue how to construct a fantasy football roster. Either way, Jeff Meyer has Matt Jones, Spencer Ware, and LaGarrette Blount as his only current healthy running backs and we haven’t started the season. On the bright side, Granger does have a very solid receiving corps that should catch a lot of passes and don’t be surprised if he throws a trade offer your way to get rid of one of these WR’s if he hasn’t already. This team could get our attention once Brady returns and Charles get healthy but I think it will be too late to make up for a slow start while Meyer sinks to the bottom and watches Team Tecmo go down and go down hard.
Watching a fellow owner name his D12 team after Tecmo makes me want to blow him as hard as I had to blow the NES cartridge back in the day and Meyer’s honoring of the greatest football game ever should be a great start to a great season. Unfortunately, I think Meyer will want to press the reset button on this season before we get to November. Due to lack of options, Meyer was forced to suck up Brady’s four game suspension as his keeper and Meyer was then put into a deeper hole when Jamaal Charles came out of preseason with more questions than answers about his knee. When the draft began, Meyer decided to go against rational thought and drafted five wide receivers and one running back with his first six draft picks. Maybe Jeff Meyer has a long term plan that will revolutionize our league, maybe Jeff Meyer thinks we replaced all positions with a Flex spot, or maybe Jeff Meyer has no clue how to construct a fantasy football roster. Either way, Jeff Meyer has Matt Jones, Spencer Ware, and LaGarrette Blount as his only current healthy running backs and we haven’t started the season. On the bright side, Granger does have a very solid receiving corps that should catch a lot of passes and don’t be surprised if he throws a trade offer your way to get rid of one of these WR’s if he hasn’t already. This team could get our attention once Brady returns and Charles get healthy but I think it will be too late to make up for a slow start while Meyer sinks to the bottom and watches Team Tecmo go down and go down hard.
Dirk Diggler
J.P. has been extremely vocal in his opposition of the new Flex spot and his argument was mostly based on the fear that teams could load up on three running backs and dominate the league. J.P. is going to put this hypothesis to the test in year 1 AWR3 (After Wide Receiver 3) to see if DeMarco Murray, LeSean McCoy, and Melvin Gordon can rumble this team to the title game. J.P. actually has a pretty decent flex option from his third receiver as DeSean Jackson is someone you can plug in against a weak secondary and hope he burns them deep. J.P. went back to the Antonio Gates and Matt Ryan wells once again and for J.P.’s sake, he better hope Ryan wears a visor and holds a clipboard for this team because if he starts a lot for Diggler, it means Carson Palmer got hurt or can’t shake one of the worst playoff performances since Jake Delhomme. I don’t think this is a bad team but I wonder if DeMarco will get the bulk of the Titans carries, LeSean will stay healthy, and Melvin Gordon will do anything worthwhile this year which means J.P. could be abandoning his 3RB strategy early in the season.
J.P. has been extremely vocal in his opposition of the new Flex spot and his argument was mostly based on the fear that teams could load up on three running backs and dominate the league. J.P. is going to put this hypothesis to the test in year 1 AWR3 (After Wide Receiver 3) to see if DeMarco Murray, LeSean McCoy, and Melvin Gordon can rumble this team to the title game. J.P. actually has a pretty decent flex option from his third receiver as DeSean Jackson is someone you can plug in against a weak secondary and hope he burns them deep. J.P. went back to the Antonio Gates and Matt Ryan wells once again and for J.P.’s sake, he better hope Ryan wears a visor and holds a clipboard for this team because if he starts a lot for Diggler, it means Carson Palmer got hurt or can’t shake one of the worst playoff performances since Jake Delhomme. I don’t think this is a bad team but I wonder if DeMarco will get the bulk of the Titans carries, LeSean will stay healthy, and Melvin Gordon will do anything worthwhile this year which means J.P. could be abandoning his 3RB strategy early in the season.
Save Zach
Corey opted to go his own way in the offseason and before the divorce papers were dry with Dan, Corey found himself a new partner in Loran Seastone. I witnessed Loran ingest shots of fireball at about the same pace that the CSU quarterbacks were throwing incompletions and with Corey in Vail attending a wedding, I assumed this newly married couple would be passed out and auto drafting by round 6. That assumption was wrong and looking at this roster, I do see some cinnamon whiskey fueled selections but not enough to force them to do the walk of shame the next morning. I think these two might regret keeping Rawls over C.J. Anderson but it will take at least 10 weeks to see who is still healthy and getting carries for each team. This team has two very explosive options on the outside with Beckham and Watkins and they could be complemented well with the steady presence of Larry Fitzgerald. A couple of boner picks took place, though, as I have no idea why they would pick the Seahawks D with their 7th pick and then turn around and pick the Texans D with their 8th pick. I’m also not sure why they felt the need to draft Zach Ertz soon after they drafted Coby Fleener. Picking up some RB depth instead would’ve been wise especially since Theo Riddick and Shane Vareen are the only backup options you have. We’ll see how this new couple gets along with the rest of the league but I highly doubt these two will be drinking top shelf fireball to celebrate a 2016 fantasy football championship.
Corey opted to go his own way in the offseason and before the divorce papers were dry with Dan, Corey found himself a new partner in Loran Seastone. I witnessed Loran ingest shots of fireball at about the same pace that the CSU quarterbacks were throwing incompletions and with Corey in Vail attending a wedding, I assumed this newly married couple would be passed out and auto drafting by round 6. That assumption was wrong and looking at this roster, I do see some cinnamon whiskey fueled selections but not enough to force them to do the walk of shame the next morning. I think these two might regret keeping Rawls over C.J. Anderson but it will take at least 10 weeks to see who is still healthy and getting carries for each team. This team has two very explosive options on the outside with Beckham and Watkins and they could be complemented well with the steady presence of Larry Fitzgerald. A couple of boner picks took place, though, as I have no idea why they would pick the Seahawks D with their 7th pick and then turn around and pick the Texans D with their 8th pick. I’m also not sure why they felt the need to draft Zach Ertz soon after they drafted Coby Fleener. Picking up some RB depth instead would’ve been wise especially since Theo Riddick and Shane Vareen are the only backup options you have. We’ll see how this new couple gets along with the rest of the league but I highly doubt these two will be drinking top shelf fireball to celebrate a 2016 fantasy football championship.
You Done Messed with A-Aron
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt the joy of owning a top player ever because I hate human drafting but there’s a very real chance that Chris will have the top rated QB and WR thanks to his keepers. Something was definitely not right with the Packers offense last year and Rodgers looked pretty pedestrian but with Jordy back, it would be wise to predict a big year for Rodgers. It would be hard for Antonio Brown to be any better this year as he was last year but it would also be hard to envision many other WR’s that will match Brown’s numbers this year. Chris addressed his need for RB’s early as he took Ingram, Langford, and Woodhead with three of his first four picks, which should help balance this team. We’re still waiting for the breakout season for Michael Floyd and Chris has two other young breakout candidates in Kevin White and Funchess that could vault this team towards the top. I don’t really know why Chris opted to pick a backup QB at all as Kirk Cousins will probably be on the fantasy field once this whole year unless Rodgers gets hurt. Marvel did see his 7th pick, Justin Forsett have an on-and-off relationship with the Ravens and Marvel was forced to dump him soon after the Baltimore Ravens dropped him. If this team gets some breakout performances, I think they will thrive but since the ball hasn’t bounced in Chris’ favor since he lived on College Ave., I have no reason to think this season will end with anything other than heartbreak.
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt the joy of owning a top player ever because I hate human drafting but there’s a very real chance that Chris will have the top rated QB and WR thanks to his keepers. Something was definitely not right with the Packers offense last year and Rodgers looked pretty pedestrian but with Jordy back, it would be wise to predict a big year for Rodgers. It would be hard for Antonio Brown to be any better this year as he was last year but it would also be hard to envision many other WR’s that will match Brown’s numbers this year. Chris addressed his need for RB’s early as he took Ingram, Langford, and Woodhead with three of his first four picks, which should help balance this team. We’re still waiting for the breakout season for Michael Floyd and Chris has two other young breakout candidates in Kevin White and Funchess that could vault this team towards the top. I don’t really know why Chris opted to pick a backup QB at all as Kirk Cousins will probably be on the fantasy field once this whole year unless Rodgers gets hurt. Marvel did see his 7th pick, Justin Forsett have an on-and-off relationship with the Ravens and Marvel was forced to dump him soon after the Baltimore Ravens dropped him. If this team gets some breakout performances, I think they will thrive but since the ball hasn’t bounced in Chris’ favor since he lived on College Ave., I have no reason to think this season will end with anything other than heartbreak.
Miller’s All-Stars
Allen Robinson and Russell Wilson were about the only things that went right for Kevin last year and taking a gander at this year’s roster, they might be the lone bright spots once again. Carlos Hyde should be good but he’s gotten his bell rung already this season and will be playing on quite possibly the worst team in the National Football League. Keenan Allen is also good but will likely be nursing injuries on 79% of his body before the Chargers are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Everyone is predicting a big year from Donte Moncrief, so we’ll see if that pans out and the same goes for Rashad Jennings and Ameer Abdullah, who should be good but have failed to live up to the hype for various reasons. Only Zach Suer loved to take a kicker and D/ST first more than Kevin does and now that Zach is dust in the wind, it allowed Petty to pounce on his special team special buddies first. I think we’ll be burying Jimmy Graham’s NFL career pretty soon and with all of the uneven talent on this team I think Petty will be digging his own grave earlier than most everyone else.
Allen Robinson and Russell Wilson were about the only things that went right for Kevin last year and taking a gander at this year’s roster, they might be the lone bright spots once again. Carlos Hyde should be good but he’s gotten his bell rung already this season and will be playing on quite possibly the worst team in the National Football League. Keenan Allen is also good but will likely be nursing injuries on 79% of his body before the Chargers are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Everyone is predicting a big year from Donte Moncrief, so we’ll see if that pans out and the same goes for Rashad Jennings and Ameer Abdullah, who should be good but have failed to live up to the hype for various reasons. Only Zach Suer loved to take a kicker and D/ST first more than Kevin does and now that Zach is dust in the wind, it allowed Petty to pounce on his special team special buddies first. I think we’ll be burying Jimmy Graham’s NFL career pretty soon and with all of the uneven talent on this team I think Petty will be digging his own grave earlier than most everyone else.
Dick Tickling Cock Jockeys
Dave, your 12th place punishment has ended and you are now free to go and choose any team name of your liking. Years and years of losing has ruined Dave’s self-esteem in this league so it’s no wonder Cress would be slow to move on from the Cock Jockey branding he endured for 12 months. It's been a rough fantasy career for Cress thanks to a lot of bad drafts but there's a lot of speed and quickness on his 2016 roster that might make Dave's thrombo hard for this season of D12 ball.
Dave, your 12th place punishment has ended and you are now free to go and choose any team name of your liking. Years and years of losing has ruined Dave’s self-esteem in this league so it’s no wonder Cress would be slow to move on from the Cock Jockey branding he endured for 12 months. It's been a rough fantasy career for Cress thanks to a lot of bad drafts but there's a lot of speed and quickness on his 2016 roster that might make Dave's thrombo hard for this season of D12 ball.
Lamar Miller is now on a team that might actually give him the ball and he looks ready to fulfill the potential many fantasy owners have been waiting for. Miller will have Ryan Matthews, Arian Foster, and DeAngelo Williams as new fantasy teammates and although they all possess their injury risks of their own, they also get a lot of carries when they are on the field and Dave should be able to mix-and-match to make this work. I like seeing Dez Bryant and Demaryius on the outside while the little jitter bug Brandin Cooks catching deep passes in the slot. Blake Bortles might have a bigger FUPA than Bill Parcells and I think he represents a bloated presence on this team that already has a very good QB option in Drew Brees but overall, this looks like a team that might finally give David the elusive Granger Cup he’s been seeking.
Demaryius Targaryen
You would think wearing a Colorado State t-shirt for most of Friday would be the most embarrassing thing Jordan Marvel would do but you would be wrong. That would come later in the night when Jordan decided to draft two more quarterbacks in addition to his keeper and 2015 MVP, Cam Newton. I know that I'm beating a dead backup horse (Jesus, Jerome, we get it, you hate backup QB's and randomness of fantasy playoffs), but it’s a bizarre strategy unless you think Newton will get injured early this year for some reason. Jordan did some good work in the beginning of the draft to offset that 3QB decision and he should have a pretty deep team this year. Gurley and C.J. Anderson have the potential to be a very good combo and even though Edelman, Sanders, and Lockett take a lot of big hits, they usually get back up and catch more football passes soon after. Jordan got his first taste of the D12 Fantasy Bowl last year and if Gurley and Newton can hover around the #1 spot as many anticipate, it might be enough for this decent looking team to return to the big game again this year.
You would think wearing a Colorado State t-shirt for most of Friday would be the most embarrassing thing Jordan Marvel would do but you would be wrong. That would come later in the night when Jordan decided to draft two more quarterbacks in addition to his keeper and 2015 MVP, Cam Newton. I know that I'm beating a dead backup horse (Jesus, Jerome, we get it, you hate backup QB's and randomness of fantasy playoffs), but it’s a bizarre strategy unless you think Newton will get injured early this year for some reason. Jordan did some good work in the beginning of the draft to offset that 3QB decision and he should have a pretty deep team this year. Gurley and C.J. Anderson have the potential to be a very good combo and even though Edelman, Sanders, and Lockett take a lot of big hits, they usually get back up and catch more football passes soon after. Jordan got his first taste of the D12 Fantasy Bowl last year and if Gurley and Newton can hover around the #1 spot as many anticipate, it might be enough for this decent looking team to return to the big game again this year.
Thanks to everyone one final time for making the draft work on Friday night. It sounded like a lot of us couldn’t get together for the draft, which is a bummer, but it also sounds like most of the league was able to have a couple of adult beverages without the distraction of their children so we could ring in the new D12 year properly. Hopefully we can all get together in Black Hawk or be in the same room together next year.
The link to our Auto Draft Fake D12 league is here if you ever want to look and I’ll provide a monthly update just to see if the Man vs. Machine idea was even remotely funny or worthwhile (doubtful).
http://games.espn.com/ffl/leagueoffice?leagueId=1591275&seasonId=2016&joined=1
Speaking of doubtful, I am already pissed at the new injury designations the NFL threw down. Half of your roster is going to be listed as questionable and we'll have to determine if they are "Probable-questionable" or legit "questionable-questionable". This should fuck up our mornings thoroughly as we prepare our fantasy rosters and parlay picks.
I’ve ended the last five draft grade recaps by saying that this will be the year I cut back on the weekly rambling and updates so we’ll see if I truly and suddenly slow down and lose a few steps like Peyton Manning did. Either way, I’ll keep the position point standings updated, will try to recap this league as much as possible, hand out trophies (maybe), and generally try to give everyone a reason to read about their fantasy football league for 10-15 minutes a week while also giving me as much shit as I hand out on this site. I hope you guys aren’t too busy and tired of the same old fantasy football recaps at this point, either.
Don’t forget to sign up for our Eliminator game if you haven’t already and best of luck ending this football season with more money than you came into it with. Our fantasy league could officially get a driver’s license in what is now our 16th season and I look forward to the many, many car crashes we’ll see from our 12 teams this year.
The link to our Auto Draft Fake D12 league is here if you ever want to look and I’ll provide a monthly update just to see if the Man vs. Machine idea was even remotely funny or worthwhile (doubtful).
http://games.espn.com/ffl/leagueoffice?leagueId=1591275&seasonId=2016&joined=1
Speaking of doubtful, I am already pissed at the new injury designations the NFL threw down. Half of your roster is going to be listed as questionable and we'll have to determine if they are "Probable-questionable" or legit "questionable-questionable". This should fuck up our mornings thoroughly as we prepare our fantasy rosters and parlay picks.
I’ve ended the last five draft grade recaps by saying that this will be the year I cut back on the weekly rambling and updates so we’ll see if I truly and suddenly slow down and lose a few steps like Peyton Manning did. Either way, I’ll keep the position point standings updated, will try to recap this league as much as possible, hand out trophies (maybe), and generally try to give everyone a reason to read about their fantasy football league for 10-15 minutes a week while also giving me as much shit as I hand out on this site. I hope you guys aren’t too busy and tired of the same old fantasy football recaps at this point, either.
Don’t forget to sign up for our Eliminator game if you haven’t already and best of luck ending this football season with more money than you came into it with. Our fantasy league could officially get a driver’s license in what is now our 16th season and I look forward to the many, many car crashes we’ll see from our 12 teams this year.