Remember the days when caring about the actual results of the football games meant more to you than our fantasy scores? Week three might have brought you back to the old school ways of viewing football as I wouldn't blame you for caring more about the Broncos big matchup against the Hawks on Sunday compared to your fantasy teams. I'm unsure if we can sit still and watch a regular season football game without checking our phones every five seconds for fantasy updates, which is something I still struggle with personally and I'm guessing many of my fellow D12ers do as well. The Broncos game went down to the wire and was pretty fun to watch for the last 10 minutes or so and even though our fantasy games weren't as enthralling, a recap of these games is still in order.
Foles Gold vs. Dirk Diggler
Fools gold is a dated joke that is never played on anyone anymore because it's really not funny or smart in 2014. Some might've called Corey and Dan not all that smart for taking Foles a little early in the draft but it's Corey and Dan that are laughing at the rest of us because Foles looks like the real deal and is worth his weight in gold so far. Foles played out of his anus last year and he definitely looks like a real life NFL quarterback this season who is capable of carrying a fantasy team if needed. Foles has been forced to play from behind thanks to the vulnerable Eagles D and Nick has made the most of it and that was the case Sunday as Foles started airing it out for a comeback win over the Redskins. Now we had to see if Corey and Dan could execute a come from behind fantasy win as well. Unfortunately, the rest of this roster is not playing at a Foles-like level and they were not able to provide many more points to defeat J.P. I'm sure these guys are waiting for Ellington and Spiller to break a long TD run but neither of these runners have been able to find the end zone from an offensive formation, which is making their patience of drafting an RB in our draft look a little foolish at the moment. Especially when flavor of the month, Knile Davis played well while sitting on the bench for this team. Thankfully, A.J. Green played and played well but if none of their three receivers catch a touchdown pass, it's going to be an uphill fight for this team. The Texans D/ST has been a really smart move by these guys so far but they were awful in New York this week and a -1 performance that pretty much secured a loss for Foles Gold. The roller coaster ride continues for these guys as they hit big on week one and have looked pretty friggin' awful in weeks two and three. Final note, shouldn't your name be Foles Gould because you have Robbie Gould as well? No? Ok, moving along now.
J.P. just always finds a way to win. Last week it was Antonio Gates that stepped up to save the day and this week it was another familiar face in Falcon red and black that propelled this team to victory. You might not find a wider gap in pure whiteness and southern blackness than Matt Ryan and Julio Jones but ebony and ivory were working together in perfect harmony on Thursday night. Matty Ice was on point against the circus act that was the Buccaneers on Thursday night and Ryan probably could've scored about 20 more fantasy points if they didn't show mercy on the Bucs by halftime. Ryan hooked up with his favorite target early and often and gave J.P, 57.7 points before the weekend, which is a pretty huge lead for anyone to squander. Diggler didn't continue the domination this weekend but he didn't need to as once again J.P. has drafted a lot of his favorite players and once again J.P. is reaping the benefits of staying loyal to his fantasy friends. He's got to be a little concerned at Keenan Allen, Gerhart, and the Broncos D started slow but as long as DeMarco Murray runs strong and this team gets a few weekly big time performances, Dirk diZerega will be able to compensate for any down weeks that half of the roster may have.
That's My Forte vs. Ray's Elevator Service
Kevin needed a win in a big way after starting the year 0-2 and Petty made an impassioned pregame speech that had his players ready to run through a paper wall. Emotions were high and with foam in their mouths, Ray's Elevator Service came out and did this.
Foles Gold vs. Dirk Diggler
Fools gold is a dated joke that is never played on anyone anymore because it's really not funny or smart in 2014. Some might've called Corey and Dan not all that smart for taking Foles a little early in the draft but it's Corey and Dan that are laughing at the rest of us because Foles looks like the real deal and is worth his weight in gold so far. Foles played out of his anus last year and he definitely looks like a real life NFL quarterback this season who is capable of carrying a fantasy team if needed. Foles has been forced to play from behind thanks to the vulnerable Eagles D and Nick has made the most of it and that was the case Sunday as Foles started airing it out for a comeback win over the Redskins. Now we had to see if Corey and Dan could execute a come from behind fantasy win as well. Unfortunately, the rest of this roster is not playing at a Foles-like level and they were not able to provide many more points to defeat J.P. I'm sure these guys are waiting for Ellington and Spiller to break a long TD run but neither of these runners have been able to find the end zone from an offensive formation, which is making their patience of drafting an RB in our draft look a little foolish at the moment. Especially when flavor of the month, Knile Davis played well while sitting on the bench for this team. Thankfully, A.J. Green played and played well but if none of their three receivers catch a touchdown pass, it's going to be an uphill fight for this team. The Texans D/ST has been a really smart move by these guys so far but they were awful in New York this week and a -1 performance that pretty much secured a loss for Foles Gold. The roller coaster ride continues for these guys as they hit big on week one and have looked pretty friggin' awful in weeks two and three. Final note, shouldn't your name be Foles Gould because you have Robbie Gould as well? No? Ok, moving along now.
J.P. just always finds a way to win. Last week it was Antonio Gates that stepped up to save the day and this week it was another familiar face in Falcon red and black that propelled this team to victory. You might not find a wider gap in pure whiteness and southern blackness than Matt Ryan and Julio Jones but ebony and ivory were working together in perfect harmony on Thursday night. Matty Ice was on point against the circus act that was the Buccaneers on Thursday night and Ryan probably could've scored about 20 more fantasy points if they didn't show mercy on the Bucs by halftime. Ryan hooked up with his favorite target early and often and gave J.P, 57.7 points before the weekend, which is a pretty huge lead for anyone to squander. Diggler didn't continue the domination this weekend but he didn't need to as once again J.P. has drafted a lot of his favorite players and once again J.P. is reaping the benefits of staying loyal to his fantasy friends. He's got to be a little concerned at Keenan Allen, Gerhart, and the Broncos D started slow but as long as DeMarco Murray runs strong and this team gets a few weekly big time performances, Dirk diZerega will be able to compensate for any down weeks that half of the roster may have.
That's My Forte vs. Ray's Elevator Service
Kevin needed a win in a big way after starting the year 0-2 and Petty made an impassioned pregame speech that had his players ready to run through a paper wall. Emotions were high and with foam in their mouths, Ray's Elevator Service came out and did this.
Kevin always targets a big time defense and that's been a smart decision so far this season up until Sunday night football. I don't want to rub salt in the wound but Kevin had to watch his fantasy baseball team lose on Sunday night and he didn't find any solace when he flipped the channel to NBC to see the Panthers D piss away any chances he might have at a fantasy football win. The Panthers D is good and will be good down the road but their -7 point game could be the absolute worst we see in this league this year. Marshawn Lynch made Kevin's trade look really smart as he played great once again and is hopefully half or the diesel duo backfield this team will employ with Zac Stacy. Many would think that Kevin would miss the presence of Drew Brees but Russell Wilson stepped up nicely by making some sharp throws against the Broncos and putting up a very respectable 25.9 points. Unfortunately for Kevin his receivers and tight end combined for 13.7 points and along with the absolute dud of the Panthers D, Kevin remained defeated on the season. Kevin has to get more from his receivers and as he sits at 0-3 K.P. is going to need these receivers to show up like next fucking week before it's time for Kevin to focus back on fantasy baseball once again.
Meyer has had some problems generating points from his running back position but I do have to give him credit for scooping up Ahmad Bradshaw a couple weeks ago and plugging him in this week. Bradshaw had a great matchup and will probably get hurt eventually but overall he just looks better than Richardson in the Colts backfield and should be the top option for that team right now. Phil Rivers did a swell job of building off his big game last week and he looks like he could be a real threat to our fantasy league and the AFC West. Andre Johnson disappointed again but the receiver Meyer picked after Andre is erasing some of the bad feelings as Emmanuel Sanders not only looks comfy with the Broncos offense, he looks like the best receiving option outside the hashmarks so far. The rest of this team wasn't real great but when the opposing D goes from 15 projected points to -7 at the end of the night, that's a big time momentum changer and was definitely enough for Jeff to move to 3-0 on the season.
Demaryius Targaryen vs. I'm Your Huckleberry
Last week Jordan was able to hide some of the flaws this team has but I'm afraid he can't stand pat anymore with this current roster or he's going to get smoked similar to how he did in week three. Jordan got pretty unlucky that Doug Martin got beat up early this year and Jordan rolled craps again with his RB's once Danny Woodhead broke his leg and the 49ers decided to go away from running the ball at all on Sunday. It equated into 1.1 combined points from his running backs this week, which is pretty much impossible to bounce back from. The badness didn't end there as Jordan has to be seriously concerned with Tom Brady and how shitty he looked once again on Sunday. If he can't light up the Raiders, I don't know who he's going to light up. Victor Cruz was the only player that did anything this week and with a bench loaded with players that should be dog paddling in the free agent pool, I don't see this getting much better before it gets worse.
Castillo should be pretty happy that he went up against Jordan's depleted roster because his team didn't play well enough to beat many other teams this week. It's nice that Stevan Ridley was given the bulk of the Patriots carries but it's not nice that he wasted a good opportunity by averaging 2.8 yards per carry. I can't imagine Castillo envisioned starting James Jones by week three and seeing Jones out there might remind you that he's still in the NFL and also that he now plays for the crappy Raiders as he caught three balls for 43 yards, which actually led Oakland this week. Randall Cobb joined in on the Packers pity party by not doing anything at all and Sammy Watkins was given a lot of looks but without all the catches and yards because he's a rookie and E.J Manuel isn't very good at accurately throwing footballs. DeSean Jackson and DeAndre Hopkins were DeMan for their respective teams and Castillo is probably going to plug them into the starting lineup after seeing both of them outscore all of his starting receivers this week. It wasn't all bad as LeVeon Bell is running great so far this year and looks like someone Castillo can rely on this season. The 49ers D looks a notch below their normal dominant selves which means this team is going to need Andrew Luck to lead our league in points, like he did this week, or else these Huckleberries might be stomped into a bitter wine before the season ends.
Denver Donkey Punches vs. Graham's Crackers
If we could flex a fantasy game in this league, this would be the one to display on Sunday night as our top two teams faced off in a matchup that looked tremendous on paper. Unfortunately for our viewing audience this game never lived up to the hype and we saw the same old result for the Donkey Punches, which is score more than 100 points and go home with a win. Chris's team had the look of a unit that could put a stop to Zach's ridiculous winning streak but instead Chris became another piece of road kill on the side of interstate D12 after getting run over by Zach on Sunday. Stafford has avoided the total boner game that he'll have on occasion but his 4.6 points against the vulnerable Packers D was definitely disappointing and was a sign that this would be a rough week for Ch. Marvel. Chris's double bird offense was grounded in a big way as even though the Eagles scored 37 points on Sunday, it was all through the air and McCoy and Sproles only scored 5.2 combined fantasy points. The rest of the roster played pretty poorly with the exception of Antonio Brown and it added up to a 62.5 point game in embarrassing fashion. Chris might be in a small panic that his team is not quite ready for prime time but I would chalk this up to a week where everything went to shit. This team should be alright going forward.
I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good looking. I'm not attractive. Ok, now that we got that out of the way, we can recap another Zach Suer win. It was pretty foolish of me to predict a Granger Cup for the commish and a last place finish for Zach and I bet you can guess which owner is 3-0 and which one is 0-3 right now. Suer did reach on some players early in the draft but he obviously has an eye for fantasy talent as again this team scored the most points for the week and again dominated his competition. Peyton Manning didn't look all that good until the last 10 minutes of football but Zach will probably take a 23.9 point game against the Seahawks with no complaints. Manning hooked up with Julius yet again, which is no surprise to anyone right now but the big surprise was Rashad Jennings and his 23.6 points this week. It would probably be wise of the Giants to not give Jennings 34 carries every week but at least for week 3, Jennings was an absolute workhorse. Kelvin Benjamin might drop some catchable balls on occasion but he's made some impossibly acrobatic catches already and made a jaw dropping touchdown grab on Sunday night. Zach will continue to dispatch of all the feeble attempts to break his winning streak and has taken all the preseason talk, posted it on his bulletin board, and made all of us (mostly me) look like idiots for knocking Suer's draft day decisions.
Westminster White Devils vs. Ahwatukee Drunk Cactusman
Week three is a little too early to declare a fantasy game a must win but don't tell that to owners of an 0-2 team because with only 13 games to play in the regular season, getting in an 0-3 hole can seem like a death sentence. This would be the fate of the loser of the Devils-Cactusman game which started out sloppy for Dave and closed in frustrating fashion for the now 0-3 Cactusman. Bobby Rainey has looked pretty good running the ball for the Bucs but he was brutal to watch on Thursday night with zero regard for ball protection with two early fumbles and a negative score deep into the third quarter. Luckily for Dave, Rainey wasn't outright benched the rest of the game and was able to gather up some garbage time yards to at least get him out of a negative total. Vincent Jackson did absolutely nothing for the third week in a row and he's been a total bust for Dave's fantasy team and an NFL team who looks like it will battle Jacksonville for most embarrassing team of 2014. Some of you might not be pleased with the early returns of your early draft picks already but none of you have been forced to bench your first round pick when he's totally healthy like Dave did with Eddie Lacy. This represented the last straw for Dave before he decided to let Lacy become the commish's problem (approval pending). The Cactusman didn't deserve to win but after the Colts D's 20 point effort and Fanning's inability to pull away, Dave had a very real chance at victory with Cam Newton on Sunday night. Even though Cam looked off all night and the Panthers got throttled, there was a chance for some garbage time points and a backdoor win for Cress. Alas, Carolina's coaches were hesitant to send Newton out there with a bum ankle and his benching late in the game was the death blow to any chances of Dave winning this game. That's not the only place where Cam came up short, he also did by wearing pants from the menopausal section at Chico's. Did he get introduced at this press conference as Cam Newton or Ma'am Newton? Boom, roasted.
Meyer has had some problems generating points from his running back position but I do have to give him credit for scooping up Ahmad Bradshaw a couple weeks ago and plugging him in this week. Bradshaw had a great matchup and will probably get hurt eventually but overall he just looks better than Richardson in the Colts backfield and should be the top option for that team right now. Phil Rivers did a swell job of building off his big game last week and he looks like he could be a real threat to our fantasy league and the AFC West. Andre Johnson disappointed again but the receiver Meyer picked after Andre is erasing some of the bad feelings as Emmanuel Sanders not only looks comfy with the Broncos offense, he looks like the best receiving option outside the hashmarks so far. The rest of this team wasn't real great but when the opposing D goes from 15 projected points to -7 at the end of the night, that's a big time momentum changer and was definitely enough for Jeff to move to 3-0 on the season.
Demaryius Targaryen vs. I'm Your Huckleberry
Last week Jordan was able to hide some of the flaws this team has but I'm afraid he can't stand pat anymore with this current roster or he's going to get smoked similar to how he did in week three. Jordan got pretty unlucky that Doug Martin got beat up early this year and Jordan rolled craps again with his RB's once Danny Woodhead broke his leg and the 49ers decided to go away from running the ball at all on Sunday. It equated into 1.1 combined points from his running backs this week, which is pretty much impossible to bounce back from. The badness didn't end there as Jordan has to be seriously concerned with Tom Brady and how shitty he looked once again on Sunday. If he can't light up the Raiders, I don't know who he's going to light up. Victor Cruz was the only player that did anything this week and with a bench loaded with players that should be dog paddling in the free agent pool, I don't see this getting much better before it gets worse.
Castillo should be pretty happy that he went up against Jordan's depleted roster because his team didn't play well enough to beat many other teams this week. It's nice that Stevan Ridley was given the bulk of the Patriots carries but it's not nice that he wasted a good opportunity by averaging 2.8 yards per carry. I can't imagine Castillo envisioned starting James Jones by week three and seeing Jones out there might remind you that he's still in the NFL and also that he now plays for the crappy Raiders as he caught three balls for 43 yards, which actually led Oakland this week. Randall Cobb joined in on the Packers pity party by not doing anything at all and Sammy Watkins was given a lot of looks but without all the catches and yards because he's a rookie and E.J Manuel isn't very good at accurately throwing footballs. DeSean Jackson and DeAndre Hopkins were DeMan for their respective teams and Castillo is probably going to plug them into the starting lineup after seeing both of them outscore all of his starting receivers this week. It wasn't all bad as LeVeon Bell is running great so far this year and looks like someone Castillo can rely on this season. The 49ers D looks a notch below their normal dominant selves which means this team is going to need Andrew Luck to lead our league in points, like he did this week, or else these Huckleberries might be stomped into a bitter wine before the season ends.
Denver Donkey Punches vs. Graham's Crackers
If we could flex a fantasy game in this league, this would be the one to display on Sunday night as our top two teams faced off in a matchup that looked tremendous on paper. Unfortunately for our viewing audience this game never lived up to the hype and we saw the same old result for the Donkey Punches, which is score more than 100 points and go home with a win. Chris's team had the look of a unit that could put a stop to Zach's ridiculous winning streak but instead Chris became another piece of road kill on the side of interstate D12 after getting run over by Zach on Sunday. Stafford has avoided the total boner game that he'll have on occasion but his 4.6 points against the vulnerable Packers D was definitely disappointing and was a sign that this would be a rough week for Ch. Marvel. Chris's double bird offense was grounded in a big way as even though the Eagles scored 37 points on Sunday, it was all through the air and McCoy and Sproles only scored 5.2 combined fantasy points. The rest of the roster played pretty poorly with the exception of Antonio Brown and it added up to a 62.5 point game in embarrassing fashion. Chris might be in a small panic that his team is not quite ready for prime time but I would chalk this up to a week where everything went to shit. This team should be alright going forward.
I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good looking. I'm not attractive. Ok, now that we got that out of the way, we can recap another Zach Suer win. It was pretty foolish of me to predict a Granger Cup for the commish and a last place finish for Zach and I bet you can guess which owner is 3-0 and which one is 0-3 right now. Suer did reach on some players early in the draft but he obviously has an eye for fantasy talent as again this team scored the most points for the week and again dominated his competition. Peyton Manning didn't look all that good until the last 10 minutes of football but Zach will probably take a 23.9 point game against the Seahawks with no complaints. Manning hooked up with Julius yet again, which is no surprise to anyone right now but the big surprise was Rashad Jennings and his 23.6 points this week. It would probably be wise of the Giants to not give Jennings 34 carries every week but at least for week 3, Jennings was an absolute workhorse. Kelvin Benjamin might drop some catchable balls on occasion but he's made some impossibly acrobatic catches already and made a jaw dropping touchdown grab on Sunday night. Zach will continue to dispatch of all the feeble attempts to break his winning streak and has taken all the preseason talk, posted it on his bulletin board, and made all of us (mostly me) look like idiots for knocking Suer's draft day decisions.
Westminster White Devils vs. Ahwatukee Drunk Cactusman
Week three is a little too early to declare a fantasy game a must win but don't tell that to owners of an 0-2 team because with only 13 games to play in the regular season, getting in an 0-3 hole can seem like a death sentence. This would be the fate of the loser of the Devils-Cactusman game which started out sloppy for Dave and closed in frustrating fashion for the now 0-3 Cactusman. Bobby Rainey has looked pretty good running the ball for the Bucs but he was brutal to watch on Thursday night with zero regard for ball protection with two early fumbles and a negative score deep into the third quarter. Luckily for Dave, Rainey wasn't outright benched the rest of the game and was able to gather up some garbage time yards to at least get him out of a negative total. Vincent Jackson did absolutely nothing for the third week in a row and he's been a total bust for Dave's fantasy team and an NFL team who looks like it will battle Jacksonville for most embarrassing team of 2014. Some of you might not be pleased with the early returns of your early draft picks already but none of you have been forced to bench your first round pick when he's totally healthy like Dave did with Eddie Lacy. This represented the last straw for Dave before he decided to let Lacy become the commish's problem (approval pending). The Cactusman didn't deserve to win but after the Colts D's 20 point effort and Fanning's inability to pull away, Dave had a very real chance at victory with Cam Newton on Sunday night. Even though Cam looked off all night and the Panthers got throttled, there was a chance for some garbage time points and a backdoor win for Cress. Alas, Carolina's coaches were hesitant to send Newton out there with a bum ankle and his benching late in the game was the death blow to any chances of Dave winning this game. That's not the only place where Cam came up short, he also did by wearing pants from the menopausal section at Chico's. Did he get introduced at this press conference as Cam Newton or Ma'am Newton? Boom, roasted.
Fanning was somewhat blindsided by Foster's deactivation at the end of the week and even if he was able to pickup Alfred Blue, it was far from Fanning's optimal running back plans. This game featured the starting running backs of Joique Bell, Bobby Rainey, Justin Forsett, and Alfred Blue. It was not a bye week for any team, so talk about getting ugly quickly in the backfield for both of these fantasy squads. These four combined for 25.1 points this week and also combined for a lot of reasons for anyone not to follow this fantasy game at all. Fanning has to like the upgrade of going from RG3 & Romo to Brees as his quarterback option and Drew played well enough with a 23.4 point game to help Fanning establish a lead. Pierre Garcon's huge game helped extend the lead while Gronkowski was able to find the end zone which gave Fanning enough cushion to pull out a much needed victory. I wouldn't think that Fanning believes this is the start of something wonderful but he undoubtedly is feeling better about his situation compared to where he was after week two. The White Devils are going to need a little more from just about everyone on this roster in order for them to climb upwards in the standings and with the handful of nagging injuries this team has already dealt with, it could be a tall task for tall Fanning.
Nerf Turbos vs. Ambiguously Gay Duo
Last year the Broncos offensive line was able to create enough holes for Knowshon Moreno to become a top five fantasy back. Knowshon didn't see many loaded boxes last year and based on his success last season and a healthy offensive line coming into 2014, the commish was convinced that Montee Ball could be a top five back in this year. That ain't going to happen not only because this offensive line completely forgot how to run block but also because I wouldn't be shocked if Montee is still shaking some rust off after his long absence during the preseason. Things will very likely get better for Ball but watching him get stuffed continuously at the line and then watching Ball press the circle button repeatedly to try to spin and break tackles caused enough pain for the commish to fire off a trade proposal to Dave that night. When you own a top flight fantasy quarterback, it can be fun to tune into most of their game on the boob tube but holy fuck was the Packers-Lions game one of the worst I've watched in a long time. I expected buku points to be posted and instead watched a game that resembled the excitement of Ten Yard Fight on NES. The commish also absorbed some hard luck as only one of his players scored in single digits (fuckin' Montee) and Jerome would've beat all but three teams this week with his 101.8 point effort but still fell to 0-3 on the year. There are no moral victories at this point and a loss to the Pep's was more reason for the commish to hate his own league and second guess every instinct he had on draft night.
Ace and Gary have taken their new team name and put together back to back impressive performances to stifle any snickering from the rest of the league. I'm not going to pretend that this is a better team with Adrian Peterson out of the lineup because that would be really dumb but somehow this team has looked better without their first round pick. They can thank Giovanni Bernard for stepping in the last couple of weeks and playing great football. Bernard is incredibly dangerous in open space but an even better sight for the Pep's might be watching him score short touchdowns around the goalline as the Bengals are giving him a chance to convert the tough yards, too. The Pep's don't mind watching the Bengals play defense either as they are pretty great at preventing points and were very good this week, too. Vinatieri might kick until he turns 90 years old and he was reliable again for the Colts by racking up 16 fantasy points. Crabtree and Olsen helped secure a win as the sun set on Sunday and Cutler slammed the door shut even though he threw both touchdowns to Jerome's tight end. Ace and Gary can't be pleased with everything that's going on with their team, especially since it looks like Peterson will be gone for longer than expected but right now they look like they might've acquired enough surrounding talent to compensate for any off the field antics their players might have.
Other musings:
The Broncos really looked like the inferior team up until that safety swung the momentum in Seattle. There's no moral victories for this team anymore and it sucks to lose to those douchbag players and even douchier fans but at least the final 10 minutes of football was some exciting stuff. The OT loss was an extra kick in the nuts if you took the Broncos +5.
Draft Day the movie is no Moneyball. It's pretty much the Cleveland Browns of movies, actually.
Is anyone shocked that Goodell didn't step down as commish during his press conference? Why would anyone expect the most powerful man in sports who makes a gazillion dollars a year to just step down?
If anyone wants to shit every hour on the hour, get sick and try drinking Theraflu as a remedy.
Our Phil Simms petition didn't prevent CBS from plopping him in the booth yet again and I was a little surprised Simms didn't make some terrible joke or a snide comment about the petition at any point during the game. We'll have to deal with Phil more this year but maybe he'll choke on a teabag this week and die, which should take care of any complaining the Denver fanbase might have the next time they tune in for a Broncos day game.
Nerf Turbos vs. Ambiguously Gay Duo
Last year the Broncos offensive line was able to create enough holes for Knowshon Moreno to become a top five fantasy back. Knowshon didn't see many loaded boxes last year and based on his success last season and a healthy offensive line coming into 2014, the commish was convinced that Montee Ball could be a top five back in this year. That ain't going to happen not only because this offensive line completely forgot how to run block but also because I wouldn't be shocked if Montee is still shaking some rust off after his long absence during the preseason. Things will very likely get better for Ball but watching him get stuffed continuously at the line and then watching Ball press the circle button repeatedly to try to spin and break tackles caused enough pain for the commish to fire off a trade proposal to Dave that night. When you own a top flight fantasy quarterback, it can be fun to tune into most of their game on the boob tube but holy fuck was the Packers-Lions game one of the worst I've watched in a long time. I expected buku points to be posted and instead watched a game that resembled the excitement of Ten Yard Fight on NES. The commish also absorbed some hard luck as only one of his players scored in single digits (fuckin' Montee) and Jerome would've beat all but three teams this week with his 101.8 point effort but still fell to 0-3 on the year. There are no moral victories at this point and a loss to the Pep's was more reason for the commish to hate his own league and second guess every instinct he had on draft night.
Ace and Gary have taken their new team name and put together back to back impressive performances to stifle any snickering from the rest of the league. I'm not going to pretend that this is a better team with Adrian Peterson out of the lineup because that would be really dumb but somehow this team has looked better without their first round pick. They can thank Giovanni Bernard for stepping in the last couple of weeks and playing great football. Bernard is incredibly dangerous in open space but an even better sight for the Pep's might be watching him score short touchdowns around the goalline as the Bengals are giving him a chance to convert the tough yards, too. The Pep's don't mind watching the Bengals play defense either as they are pretty great at preventing points and were very good this week, too. Vinatieri might kick until he turns 90 years old and he was reliable again for the Colts by racking up 16 fantasy points. Crabtree and Olsen helped secure a win as the sun set on Sunday and Cutler slammed the door shut even though he threw both touchdowns to Jerome's tight end. Ace and Gary can't be pleased with everything that's going on with their team, especially since it looks like Peterson will be gone for longer than expected but right now they look like they might've acquired enough surrounding talent to compensate for any off the field antics their players might have.
Other musings:
The Broncos really looked like the inferior team up until that safety swung the momentum in Seattle. There's no moral victories for this team anymore and it sucks to lose to those douchbag players and even douchier fans but at least the final 10 minutes of football was some exciting stuff. The OT loss was an extra kick in the nuts if you took the Broncos +5.
Draft Day the movie is no Moneyball. It's pretty much the Cleveland Browns of movies, actually.
Is anyone shocked that Goodell didn't step down as commish during his press conference? Why would anyone expect the most powerful man in sports who makes a gazillion dollars a year to just step down?
If anyone wants to shit every hour on the hour, get sick and try drinking Theraflu as a remedy.
Our Phil Simms petition didn't prevent CBS from plopping him in the booth yet again and I was a little surprised Simms didn't make some terrible joke or a snide comment about the petition at any point during the game. We'll have to deal with Phil more this year but maybe he'll choke on a teabag this week and die, which should take care of any complaining the Denver fanbase might have the next time they tune in for a Broncos day game.
And Phil Simms's analysis on this would be:
"I think the problem here for Simms is that he fails to recognize that there's a teabag in his mug. He attacks the rim of the mug and has good execution when sipping the contents of the mug but he just doesn't finish the play when he pulls the mug away from his mouth. This is something they teach at the lowest levels of tea drinking, Jeeeem. You have to make sure you are aware of the floating tea bag roaming in the mug or you're going to make a fool of yourself on television. He's got to get better next week or they might need to switch to a sippy cup or a straw until he can grasp this concept, Jeeeem."
That's it for week 3. Everyone enjoy the Broncos bye week and keep your head on a swivel when drinking tea.
"I think the problem here for Simms is that he fails to recognize that there's a teabag in his mug. He attacks the rim of the mug and has good execution when sipping the contents of the mug but he just doesn't finish the play when he pulls the mug away from his mouth. This is something they teach at the lowest levels of tea drinking, Jeeeem. You have to make sure you are aware of the floating tea bag roaming in the mug or you're going to make a fool of yourself on television. He's got to get better next week or they might need to switch to a sippy cup or a straw until he can grasp this concept, Jeeeem."
That's it for week 3. Everyone enjoy the Broncos bye week and keep your head on a swivel when drinking tea.