You’ve already spent a lot of time reading about this fantasy league, no need for a long intro here so let’s get one man’s opinion on what might take place this weekend. With the hindsight of already seeing the TNF game, these predictions should be a little more precise but we all know trying to predict four fantasy games is nothing more than a silly exercise to help us waste time in this league before the Sunday action. Ok, ok, ok, enough typing, let’s go.
#1 I’m Your Huckleberry vs. #8 Nerf Turbos
These two were high fiving, low fiving, fist bumping, and clinking wine glasses just a few days ago but all the good vibes and well wishes will be long gone by the time this game kicks off. Castillo enters this game riding high after overtaking the Pep’s for the 1 seed and Points Title but he needs to put the celebratory cabernet down quickly and try not to be the latest 1 seed to lose in the first round. He can avoid this if he picks the right QB and his running backs and Panthers D continue to wear the opponent down. Castillo doesn’t have a true QB ace he can hand the ball to but if he has to trust Tyrod Taylor, doing it against the shitty Eagles secondary is about as good as he can get. Doug Martin is playing against one of the worst defenses in history and his floor is probably 110 yards and a touchdown for the Dougernaut. DeAngelo Williams will have tougher sledding but he gets the ball so much and has looked so strong on the high powered Steelers offense that a touchdown and around 100 total yards seem likely. Castillo will lose this game if Taylor looks like a backup QB and Yo’s receivers fail to deliver. Getting 13 points from John Brown was a pretty good start, though.
The Turbos walk into this matchup winners of 5 out of their last 6 games but they have gotten more than a few lucky bounces to get here. Like Castillo, it’s hard for me to trust any of my QB’s and playing the QB with the softest matchup is usually the only way to go. Dear god, I’m relying on Ryan Fitzpatrick in the playoffs. If he can create some Fitz-magic on Sunday, I may grow a beard just like that scrappy lil’ Harvard grad in honor of my 1 seed upset. Stewart should have a decent day and with Lacy’s ass on the bench, the commish will hope T.J. Yeldon gets the ball enough to maybe get 10 fantasy points somehow. Nerf does have a distinct WR advantage and the commish is going to need a huge game from Evans and hope Cobb can score a conventional TD. Seeing Brandin Cooks land on the injury report mid-week with a concussion sure is unsettling, though. Delanie Walker has quietly been a monster down the stretch and it could come down to Sunday night where Romer will have to cheer for the Pats D to get some stops. Many owners, including this one right here predicted an early grave for the Turbos but like Leo in Wolf of Wall Street, I’m the one with the microphone in this room and I’m letting everyone know I’M NOT FUCKING LEAVING!!! Until I get that cup.
#1 I’m Your Huckleberry vs. #8 Nerf Turbos
These two were high fiving, low fiving, fist bumping, and clinking wine glasses just a few days ago but all the good vibes and well wishes will be long gone by the time this game kicks off. Castillo enters this game riding high after overtaking the Pep’s for the 1 seed and Points Title but he needs to put the celebratory cabernet down quickly and try not to be the latest 1 seed to lose in the first round. He can avoid this if he picks the right QB and his running backs and Panthers D continue to wear the opponent down. Castillo doesn’t have a true QB ace he can hand the ball to but if he has to trust Tyrod Taylor, doing it against the shitty Eagles secondary is about as good as he can get. Doug Martin is playing against one of the worst defenses in history and his floor is probably 110 yards and a touchdown for the Dougernaut. DeAngelo Williams will have tougher sledding but he gets the ball so much and has looked so strong on the high powered Steelers offense that a touchdown and around 100 total yards seem likely. Castillo will lose this game if Taylor looks like a backup QB and Yo’s receivers fail to deliver. Getting 13 points from John Brown was a pretty good start, though.
The Turbos walk into this matchup winners of 5 out of their last 6 games but they have gotten more than a few lucky bounces to get here. Like Castillo, it’s hard for me to trust any of my QB’s and playing the QB with the softest matchup is usually the only way to go. Dear god, I’m relying on Ryan Fitzpatrick in the playoffs. If he can create some Fitz-magic on Sunday, I may grow a beard just like that scrappy lil’ Harvard grad in honor of my 1 seed upset. Stewart should have a decent day and with Lacy’s ass on the bench, the commish will hope T.J. Yeldon gets the ball enough to maybe get 10 fantasy points somehow. Nerf does have a distinct WR advantage and the commish is going to need a huge game from Evans and hope Cobb can score a conventional TD. Seeing Brandin Cooks land on the injury report mid-week with a concussion sure is unsettling, though. Delanie Walker has quietly been a monster down the stretch and it could come down to Sunday night where Romer will have to cheer for the Pats D to get some stops. Many owners, including this one right here predicted an early grave for the Turbos but like Leo in Wolf of Wall Street, I’m the one with the microphone in this room and I’m letting everyone know I’M NOT FUCKING LEAVING!!! Until I get that cup.
Prediction: Actually, me, you are fucking leaving after a 103-88 point loss to Castillo.
#4 That’s My Forte vs. #5 Demaryius Targaryen
I have been predicting a Mark Ingram injury basically since training camp and to his credit, it took 13 weeks for him to be placed on IR. This wasn’t great timing for Jordan who could’ve used him this week but fortunately for Jordan, he has a decent RB backup in Bernard, who should be in a shootout and might be able to break loose. Jordan’s chances really start and end with Cam Newton as he has put up some monster games this year and Jordan’s going to need another big one this week against the Falcons. Todd Gurley looked like a possible #1 pick in next year’s draft but the Rams are great at sucking the life out of every offensive player and after five consecutive games of sub 100 yards, Jordan’s going to need Gurley to fall into the endzone in order to keep pace with Meyer. Jordan does have a decent set of receivers but they are the flakiest bunch of ballcatchers in the league so we could see a combined 12 points from them or 42. Jordan is licking his chops at the thought of his Seahawks D against the Ravens and if his D can outscore Meyer’s D by 15 points or so, it could be the difference.
We’re all waiting for Brady to have an absolute dud of a game and if he does, it could spell the end to Granger’s season. Huge duds from superstars is why Suer, Jerome, and Castillo all got eliminated last year. There’s no reason to expect one here though, because Tom Brady is our top scorer and seems to get the job done no matter what Tommy’s lack of weapons and playing a pumped up Texans team in prime time on the road does raise the dud potential a bit, though. Then again, Brady and the Pats have seen about everything so expect 23-30 points from Brady. Jeremy Hill has ran for over 100 yards exactly zero times this year and Meyer’s going to need a touchdown from him in order for Hill to be worth the start this week. Forte does look like he’s regained control of the Bears backfield so he should touch the ball a lot and probably gain a lot of yards in the process. It’s hard to know what the Dolphins are doing on offense anymore but they should gameplan to throw it a lot and if they do, Landry could be in for a big day. Marty Bryant should have a big play like he does every game and we’ll see if Eric Decker can continue his fantastic season against the Titans. Jordan owns the most inconsistent team in our league and Meyer might have the most consistent one so we could see a blowout either way depending on the health and mindset of J. Marvel’s squad.
Prediction: Cam Newton goes crazy again and carries Jordan to an upset victory as Forte aggravates his injury and Meyer loses the D/ST and kicker battles by a wide margin. Demaryius advances 101-90.
#3 Denver Donkey Punches vs. #6 Dirk Diggler
Seeding and regular season performances are irrelevant for Dirk Diggler as there’s no question J.P. has a switch hidden under his keyboard and he flips it once a year for his fantasy team to dominate. It sure looks like Zach has the better team but history has taught us to never count out diZerega. J.P. will once again rely on Matt Ryan to get the job done and even though Ryan has looked like a lump of cat puke this year and is playing against a really good secondary, I wouldn’t be shocked if he got 22 points somehow. J.P. should hate DeMarco Murray as much as Chip Kelly does and there’s really no clue on whether or not Murray will get the ball four times or twenty four times on Sunday. Having Fred Jackson as your RB2 was pretty neat about five years ago but the fact that J.P. will have him as a starter in 2015 tells you all you need to know about his backfield and bench. The Seahawks will probably roll and Jackson will probably get a lot of looks in the second half, though. Not before Doug Baldwin catches a couple of touchdowns, at least that’s J.P.’s hope. If Marshall can keep playing like he has and DeSean Jackson takes another long one to the house, J.P. will surprise no one and everyone at the same time by beating the better team on paper.
Peyton Manning’s god awful game shattered Zach’s 25 game win streak and sent the #1 seed home packing in last year’s first round and even though Zach is familiar with the playoffs (he’s never missed one) I can’t remember too many times he had to play J.P. and J.P.’s illuminati. They did have our lone tie championship back in 2004 and I’ll buy you a night of drinking, an uber ride home, a midnight taco bell run, and hangover tonic if you can name the quarterbacks in that tie game. It was Billy Volek vs. Kerry Collins and while I don’t think this QB matchup will be any worse than that one, both of these QB’s have been known to make some sad faces for their team and fantasy owners and we'll see if the younger Manning submarines Suer's chances this year.
#4 That’s My Forte vs. #5 Demaryius Targaryen
I have been predicting a Mark Ingram injury basically since training camp and to his credit, it took 13 weeks for him to be placed on IR. This wasn’t great timing for Jordan who could’ve used him this week but fortunately for Jordan, he has a decent RB backup in Bernard, who should be in a shootout and might be able to break loose. Jordan’s chances really start and end with Cam Newton as he has put up some monster games this year and Jordan’s going to need another big one this week against the Falcons. Todd Gurley looked like a possible #1 pick in next year’s draft but the Rams are great at sucking the life out of every offensive player and after five consecutive games of sub 100 yards, Jordan’s going to need Gurley to fall into the endzone in order to keep pace with Meyer. Jordan does have a decent set of receivers but they are the flakiest bunch of ballcatchers in the league so we could see a combined 12 points from them or 42. Jordan is licking his chops at the thought of his Seahawks D against the Ravens and if his D can outscore Meyer’s D by 15 points or so, it could be the difference.
We’re all waiting for Brady to have an absolute dud of a game and if he does, it could spell the end to Granger’s season. Huge duds from superstars is why Suer, Jerome, and Castillo all got eliminated last year. There’s no reason to expect one here though, because Tom Brady is our top scorer and seems to get the job done no matter what Tommy’s lack of weapons and playing a pumped up Texans team in prime time on the road does raise the dud potential a bit, though. Then again, Brady and the Pats have seen about everything so expect 23-30 points from Brady. Jeremy Hill has ran for over 100 yards exactly zero times this year and Meyer’s going to need a touchdown from him in order for Hill to be worth the start this week. Forte does look like he’s regained control of the Bears backfield so he should touch the ball a lot and probably gain a lot of yards in the process. It’s hard to know what the Dolphins are doing on offense anymore but they should gameplan to throw it a lot and if they do, Landry could be in for a big day. Marty Bryant should have a big play like he does every game and we’ll see if Eric Decker can continue his fantastic season against the Titans. Jordan owns the most inconsistent team in our league and Meyer might have the most consistent one so we could see a blowout either way depending on the health and mindset of J. Marvel’s squad.
Prediction: Cam Newton goes crazy again and carries Jordan to an upset victory as Forte aggravates his injury and Meyer loses the D/ST and kicker battles by a wide margin. Demaryius advances 101-90.
#3 Denver Donkey Punches vs. #6 Dirk Diggler
Seeding and regular season performances are irrelevant for Dirk Diggler as there’s no question J.P. has a switch hidden under his keyboard and he flips it once a year for his fantasy team to dominate. It sure looks like Zach has the better team but history has taught us to never count out diZerega. J.P. will once again rely on Matt Ryan to get the job done and even though Ryan has looked like a lump of cat puke this year and is playing against a really good secondary, I wouldn’t be shocked if he got 22 points somehow. J.P. should hate DeMarco Murray as much as Chip Kelly does and there’s really no clue on whether or not Murray will get the ball four times or twenty four times on Sunday. Having Fred Jackson as your RB2 was pretty neat about five years ago but the fact that J.P. will have him as a starter in 2015 tells you all you need to know about his backfield and bench. The Seahawks will probably roll and Jackson will probably get a lot of looks in the second half, though. Not before Doug Baldwin catches a couple of touchdowns, at least that’s J.P.’s hope. If Marshall can keep playing like he has and DeSean Jackson takes another long one to the house, J.P. will surprise no one and everyone at the same time by beating the better team on paper.
Peyton Manning’s god awful game shattered Zach’s 25 game win streak and sent the #1 seed home packing in last year’s first round and even though Zach is familiar with the playoffs (he’s never missed one) I can’t remember too many times he had to play J.P. and J.P.’s illuminati. They did have our lone tie championship back in 2004 and I’ll buy you a night of drinking, an uber ride home, a midnight taco bell run, and hangover tonic if you can name the quarterbacks in that tie game. It was Billy Volek vs. Kerry Collins and while I don’t think this QB matchup will be any worse than that one, both of these QB’s have been known to make some sad faces for their team and fantasy owners and we'll see if the younger Manning submarines Suer's chances this year.
When Zach drafted C.J. Anderson, Joseph Randle, and Arian Foster early I’m sure he wasn’t thinking he’d start Charcandrick West and Thomas Rawls in the playoffs but shitty injuries, performance, and ghetto mentality has forced this issue. West and Rawls are actually a decent tandem and even though Zach should probably never start Diggs again, the rest of this roster should step up enough to get Suer to the second round.
Prediction: It goes against all logic to predict a first round exit for J.P. but I have to do it. Eil and Odell hook up twice on Monday night to pull away and J.P. has the unfamiliar feeling of being kicked out of the D12 party before last call. Donkeys win 97-89
#2 The Bushwhackers vs. #7 Westminster Warriors
Outside of the message board, we haven’t heard much from Fanning’s team this year. They’ve been kinda, sorta, not really good all season but they do have a chance to make us all recognize the Fan Man if he makes a G-Cup run. It’s hard to know if dumb Blake or smart Blake is going to show up but if Bortles can get some protection, he should have himself a good day against Indy. Right now Fanning has C.J. Spiller as his RB2 and since Spiller has been passed around this league and has disappointed at every stop, I think Spiller will probably make Jeff regret ever putting him into the starting lineup. Fanning probably needs Ivory to find the endzone a time or two and it will be interesting to see if A.J. Green can keep his momentum going and if Davante Adams can actually catch half of the targets that come his way. It’s probably not a good thing that Fanning is starting three guys he just picked off waivers but if Bortles and A.J. ball out and the rest of the roster avoids too many dud performances, there’s no reason this makeshift team can’t make it to the semi’s.
The Bushwhackers were once very good but lately their recent play could be described as a queeftastic. It’s pretty easy to identify reasons an NFL team is slumping but trying to figure out why a fantasy team is suddenly underperforming is almost impossible because all of the different players on different teams on different situations. Is it the matchups that are suppressing the points suddenly? Are they banged up? Were they playing over their heads to begin with? It’s tough to say with this team but something is definitely not the same as it was a month ago. On paper, they look like they should beat the Warriors but the Pep’s really could’ve used a Palmer-to-Fitzgerald TD connection last night and with neither of them blowing up as hoped, it will make for a white knuckle football watching experience on Sunday. Peterson at least got a score, DeAndre Hopkins and Amendola should get some points on Sunday night, and it will be nice to see Eifert in the starting lineup and active for the Pep’s this week. It looks like McFadden is the RB2 for now and these brothers desperately need to play a D/ST that does not completely shit themselves, which has been a major bugaboo. Right now these guys are hanging from a cliff watching their 2015 season slip away and they really need Hopkins, McFadden, Amendola, or anyone to extend a helping hand and pull them back to safety.
Prediction: The Pep’s late season funk does not get scrubbed away as they lose to Fanning 96-89 thanks to a big game from Bortles.
There’s not much more infuriating than watching your best player play like garbage to eliminate you for the playoffs much like there’s not a better feeling than watching a roster gamble payoff and help take you one step closer to the title. The glare from the Granger Cup can be blinding and we’ll find out what four teams go closer to the light and which four shrivel up and die under the intense heat. The Quest for the Cup begins now, my good lads. May your running backs cross the plane, may your quarterbacks call play action at the goal line, may your receivers slip away from coverage, and may the nine owners in here fight proudly like gladiators as we reach towards the most coveted trophy in fantasy sports, the Granger Cup.
Prediction: It goes against all logic to predict a first round exit for J.P. but I have to do it. Eil and Odell hook up twice on Monday night to pull away and J.P. has the unfamiliar feeling of being kicked out of the D12 party before last call. Donkeys win 97-89
#2 The Bushwhackers vs. #7 Westminster Warriors
Outside of the message board, we haven’t heard much from Fanning’s team this year. They’ve been kinda, sorta, not really good all season but they do have a chance to make us all recognize the Fan Man if he makes a G-Cup run. It’s hard to know if dumb Blake or smart Blake is going to show up but if Bortles can get some protection, he should have himself a good day against Indy. Right now Fanning has C.J. Spiller as his RB2 and since Spiller has been passed around this league and has disappointed at every stop, I think Spiller will probably make Jeff regret ever putting him into the starting lineup. Fanning probably needs Ivory to find the endzone a time or two and it will be interesting to see if A.J. Green can keep his momentum going and if Davante Adams can actually catch half of the targets that come his way. It’s probably not a good thing that Fanning is starting three guys he just picked off waivers but if Bortles and A.J. ball out and the rest of the roster avoids too many dud performances, there’s no reason this makeshift team can’t make it to the semi’s.
The Bushwhackers were once very good but lately their recent play could be described as a queeftastic. It’s pretty easy to identify reasons an NFL team is slumping but trying to figure out why a fantasy team is suddenly underperforming is almost impossible because all of the different players on different teams on different situations. Is it the matchups that are suppressing the points suddenly? Are they banged up? Were they playing over their heads to begin with? It’s tough to say with this team but something is definitely not the same as it was a month ago. On paper, they look like they should beat the Warriors but the Pep’s really could’ve used a Palmer-to-Fitzgerald TD connection last night and with neither of them blowing up as hoped, it will make for a white knuckle football watching experience on Sunday. Peterson at least got a score, DeAndre Hopkins and Amendola should get some points on Sunday night, and it will be nice to see Eifert in the starting lineup and active for the Pep’s this week. It looks like McFadden is the RB2 for now and these brothers desperately need to play a D/ST that does not completely shit themselves, which has been a major bugaboo. Right now these guys are hanging from a cliff watching their 2015 season slip away and they really need Hopkins, McFadden, Amendola, or anyone to extend a helping hand and pull them back to safety.
Prediction: The Pep’s late season funk does not get scrubbed away as they lose to Fanning 96-89 thanks to a big game from Bortles.
There’s not much more infuriating than watching your best player play like garbage to eliminate you for the playoffs much like there’s not a better feeling than watching a roster gamble payoff and help take you one step closer to the title. The glare from the Granger Cup can be blinding and we’ll find out what four teams go closer to the light and which four shrivel up and die under the intense heat. The Quest for the Cup begins now, my good lads. May your running backs cross the plane, may your quarterbacks call play action at the goal line, may your receivers slip away from coverage, and may the nine owners in here fight proudly like gladiators as we reach towards the most coveted trophy in fantasy sports, the Granger Cup.