Regular Season Title
I’ve drank a lot of awful alcohol for long stretches of time but I’ve never once gotten a hangover while getting drunk. That was until last Sunday where drinking from a box of fanzia wine seemed like a funny joke at the time but turned into a horrible decision after about five hours of consistent consumption. I got the same feeling when I started Colin Kapernick and Kap was able to give me and every other fantasy owner that trusted him a ringing headache after his five pass attempts for two whole fantasy points. Kapernick decided to focus his brave stance towards a protest against the accumulation of fantasy points this week. Kap wasn’t the reason I lost to Meyer but it really didn’t help at all and this loss opened the door for Chris, Dan, and Castillo to walk in. Chris basically just needed to win to capture the title thanks to his points lead on Dan and Castillo and when Antonio Brown caught a TD while the Steelers D picked off Eil twice, it helped clinch the title for Chris, his first in 13 years.
I had to crunch the numbers to ensure that I could breathe easy and after creating an algorithm for every possible scenario, I came up with the final calculation to make sure the Most Points title would be mine.
MOP & Team QB
Dave has been depantsed enough by fantasy football to never, ever feel comfortable but I’m guessing when he saw Aaron Rodgers playing in a decent snowstorm while his boy Brees was in the climate controlled Superdome, Dave might’ve thought he would own the MOP/Team QB advantage over Chris. And just when Dave was getting comfortable with that idea, fantasy football came around the corner and depantsed Dave in front of the entire league once again. Brees looked pretty crappy with zero touchdowns while Rodgers was able to connect on two snow scores, handing Chris the MOP and Team QB awards and playing one more prank of Dave in the process.
The commish would need tecmo Bo Jackson and tecmo Christian Okoye to compile enough points to overtake J.P. for this award. J.P.’s had our best backfield since week 1 and thanks to another huge run from LeSean McCoy, was able to win this easily because nobody circles the wagons like J.P. diZerega.
The commish had a 30-point cushion and was able to outlast the impressive WR duos that Chris and Dan put together.
I can’t think of a better way for Jordan’s season to end than for him to realize that his TE was on a bye, for him to pick up a new TE to fill the void, and then forget to put him into the starting lineup.
I also can’t think of a better year-to-year representation of Jordan’s fantasy team than the Carolina Panthers. Last year they did everything right to make it to the final game and this year their MVP quarterback is getting benched for not wearing a tie while the backup goes in a chucks an interception on the first play. Another shining example of how things can change drastically in real and fake football.
One more fitting end to the season was Dave scoring 45 points and winning. Not because he’s lucky but because he beat Kevin, who posted his third game with less than 50 points this season. I’ll give Kevin a tip of the cap for keeping up with his roster all year but it’s really hard to be this bad with a full roster like Petty did this year. He’s in Andy Burk/Mike Favero territory in terms of D12 ineptitude.
I’m going to try to post the end of the year “Mega Standings” update and will also aim for a quick Round 1 preview before the week is over. Congrats to everyone that won a couple dollars this week and now the remaining eight owners will be saying “Big bucks, no whammies” when they submit their rosters the rest of the way.