Each week we cut our D12 population in half and we’ll see which two owners will be declared extinct from the 2015 season this weekend. Your commish was 4-0 on his predictions last week which is pretty great except for the fact that there isn’t a sportsbook out there that had the D12 money lines posted. Your commish is approximately 5-142 this year gambling on actual football which means you guys might not get any more of these updates once they shut off my electricity, foreclose my house, and reposes all of my belongings. Once again, I’ve made sure to whine about a personal football issue but we should shift the focus to four more successful fantasy owners and see who will secure a spot in the money for 2015.
#1 I’m Your Huckleberry vs. #5 Demaryius Targaryen
It looked like ketchup was playing mustard on the Thursday night game and we saw two hotdogs faceoff in the backfield for this fantasy matchup. Doug Martin started off hot and looked like the better runner but Todd Gurley was able to get a goalline carry and score, which means his night looked better on paper. Jordan will take this 4.2 point advantage into the weekend where he’s got some large advantages at some spots and will be struggling to keep up in others. It sure looks like Cam Newton is setup to score about 35 points this week. He’s on an absolute roll and the Giants are pretty generous to opposing quarterbacks so Newton might carry Jordan another week. Once again, you might as well put all of Jordan’s receivers in a Yahtzee shaker, scramble them up, and toss them on the field because any amount of points are possible from these guys. We’ll see if Demaryius continues to look like a drowsy zombie out there, if Jeffery will play and stay on the field, and if Cooper will catch a pass. Jordan’s got another sweet matchup for his Seahawks D but he’s going up against the #2 D with Castillo’s Carolina Panthers, which will be the first time we spotlight a D/ST matchup in this league.
Castillo will go to the bullpen to call on Derek Carr and even though he’s looked really inconsistent lately, he’s capable of tossing a few touchdowns. Castillo will just hope they’re to anyone besides Cooper. DeAngelo Williams has another tough matchup but once again, he gets so many looks on such a powerhouse offense, it’s hard to see him scoring less than 11 points here. Castillo is also swapping tight ends and will go with the red hot Jordan Reed while Barnidge goes back to where he’s been every year before 2015; the bench. This game is going to hinge on Newton as anything less than 20 and Jordan is probably done and anything over 32 and Jordan is in great shape. It could come down to Sunday night where Castillo will hope for a long John Brown TD in order to make it to his 4th Fantasy Bowl and try to take home all the goddamn money in this league.
Prediction: Jordan finally gets to experience the indescribable feeling of playing in a Fantasy Bowl as Newton carries Targaryen to victory 97-91.
#3 Denver Donkey Punches vs. #7 Westminster Warriors
The 2015 D12 season will be remembered as the year everyone got in a keyboard fight and as much good and bad came out of the message board exchange, it does make for a semifinal matchup that everyone will be watching. Unfortunately, I think this game will be an ugly one to spectate but there is potential for this one to go down to the wire. Fanning will need Bortles to continue to sling it all over the yard, which he will probably do against a Falcons team that really wants this season to be over already. Again, Fanning will need to rely on some waiver wire gambles and if Brandon Bolden is Fanning’s RB2, he might be a good one if the Patriots roll over the Titans, as many expect. Then again, he’s a Patriots running back so who the hell knows. A.J. Green will be catching footballs from another A.J., which probably isn’t what Fanning would like this week but it is nice that Green will probably be wide open most of the time because he’s playing against the shitty 49ers secondary. Tyler Lockett is quickly turning into a potential playoff darling as he could be the one random guy that comes out of nowhere and helps a team win a Granger Cup. Nobody loved the sight of a healthy Gronkowski more than Fanning did last week and Gronk looked just fine and will probably get his usual looks around the goalline, which means at least 1-3 touchdowns this week.
Zach Suer spent money like it was his last day on earth when he spent $31 on Austin Sefarian-Jenkins for some unknown reason, which has left Suer with $0 to bid on the rest of the year. This short sighted move would’ve looked much worse if Jenkins didn’t get a garbage touchdown on Thursday night. We’ll see if that’s the difference in this one. Much like Bortles, Matt Stafford can single handedly win or lose an owner a fantasy game and even though he’s looked pretty bad the last couple of weeks, he will get to play the Saints D, which is worth about 6 more points at minimum. Charcandrick West should be the RB1 for this team and either Shaun Draughn or Bryce Brown will be the RB2, which once again, is a pretty awful backfield to start if you want to win money in fantasy football. Brown hasn’t even gotten a single carry on the season yet, which means he’ll probably score 18 fantasy points this week. Beckham is probably the best receiver right now but he’s going up against possibly the best cornerback so that should be a real battle on Sunday and could also swing this game in Fanning’s favor. Zach will trust his #1 D/ST against possibly the best offense in the NFL, which will be very interesting to watch for everyone in Denver.
Prediction: There’s obviously bad blood between these two. No love lost. Sworn enemies. Bitter rivals. Real Hatfeild vs. McCoy stuff, ya know. With all the talk of ejecting someone from our league you would think we could raise the stakes to make this a Loser Leaves Town match, which is something I don’t really want to do that but I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in this league thought this same thing when they looked at the bracket this week. I think this game, much like the message board will get ugly and when it’s all over, Zach Suer will pack up his bags and go home for the season as he falls to Fanning 88-80 thanks to a disappointing day from his receivers.
The weekend of the AFC and NFC Championship games is almost better than the Super Bowl and I think this weekend should be a rowdy good time for those still playing. Jordan will be playing for his first Fantasy Bowl berth, Castillo and Fanning will try to win trip #4 to the Big Bowl, and Suer will try to reach his fifth in franchise history. We’ll mop up the blood and broken teeth off the mat next Tuesday when we see who will be facing off in Fantasy Bowl XV.
#1 I’m Your Huckleberry vs. #5 Demaryius Targaryen
It looked like ketchup was playing mustard on the Thursday night game and we saw two hotdogs faceoff in the backfield for this fantasy matchup. Doug Martin started off hot and looked like the better runner but Todd Gurley was able to get a goalline carry and score, which means his night looked better on paper. Jordan will take this 4.2 point advantage into the weekend where he’s got some large advantages at some spots and will be struggling to keep up in others. It sure looks like Cam Newton is setup to score about 35 points this week. He’s on an absolute roll and the Giants are pretty generous to opposing quarterbacks so Newton might carry Jordan another week. Once again, you might as well put all of Jordan’s receivers in a Yahtzee shaker, scramble them up, and toss them on the field because any amount of points are possible from these guys. We’ll see if Demaryius continues to look like a drowsy zombie out there, if Jeffery will play and stay on the field, and if Cooper will catch a pass. Jordan’s got another sweet matchup for his Seahawks D but he’s going up against the #2 D with Castillo’s Carolina Panthers, which will be the first time we spotlight a D/ST matchup in this league.
Castillo will go to the bullpen to call on Derek Carr and even though he’s looked really inconsistent lately, he’s capable of tossing a few touchdowns. Castillo will just hope they’re to anyone besides Cooper. DeAngelo Williams has another tough matchup but once again, he gets so many looks on such a powerhouse offense, it’s hard to see him scoring less than 11 points here. Castillo is also swapping tight ends and will go with the red hot Jordan Reed while Barnidge goes back to where he’s been every year before 2015; the bench. This game is going to hinge on Newton as anything less than 20 and Jordan is probably done and anything over 32 and Jordan is in great shape. It could come down to Sunday night where Castillo will hope for a long John Brown TD in order to make it to his 4th Fantasy Bowl and try to take home all the goddamn money in this league.
Prediction: Jordan finally gets to experience the indescribable feeling of playing in a Fantasy Bowl as Newton carries Targaryen to victory 97-91.
#3 Denver Donkey Punches vs. #7 Westminster Warriors
The 2015 D12 season will be remembered as the year everyone got in a keyboard fight and as much good and bad came out of the message board exchange, it does make for a semifinal matchup that everyone will be watching. Unfortunately, I think this game will be an ugly one to spectate but there is potential for this one to go down to the wire. Fanning will need Bortles to continue to sling it all over the yard, which he will probably do against a Falcons team that really wants this season to be over already. Again, Fanning will need to rely on some waiver wire gambles and if Brandon Bolden is Fanning’s RB2, he might be a good one if the Patriots roll over the Titans, as many expect. Then again, he’s a Patriots running back so who the hell knows. A.J. Green will be catching footballs from another A.J., which probably isn’t what Fanning would like this week but it is nice that Green will probably be wide open most of the time because he’s playing against the shitty 49ers secondary. Tyler Lockett is quickly turning into a potential playoff darling as he could be the one random guy that comes out of nowhere and helps a team win a Granger Cup. Nobody loved the sight of a healthy Gronkowski more than Fanning did last week and Gronk looked just fine and will probably get his usual looks around the goalline, which means at least 1-3 touchdowns this week.
Zach Suer spent money like it was his last day on earth when he spent $31 on Austin Sefarian-Jenkins for some unknown reason, which has left Suer with $0 to bid on the rest of the year. This short sighted move would’ve looked much worse if Jenkins didn’t get a garbage touchdown on Thursday night. We’ll see if that’s the difference in this one. Much like Bortles, Matt Stafford can single handedly win or lose an owner a fantasy game and even though he’s looked pretty bad the last couple of weeks, he will get to play the Saints D, which is worth about 6 more points at minimum. Charcandrick West should be the RB1 for this team and either Shaun Draughn or Bryce Brown will be the RB2, which once again, is a pretty awful backfield to start if you want to win money in fantasy football. Brown hasn’t even gotten a single carry on the season yet, which means he’ll probably score 18 fantasy points this week. Beckham is probably the best receiver right now but he’s going up against possibly the best cornerback so that should be a real battle on Sunday and could also swing this game in Fanning’s favor. Zach will trust his #1 D/ST against possibly the best offense in the NFL, which will be very interesting to watch for everyone in Denver.
Prediction: There’s obviously bad blood between these two. No love lost. Sworn enemies. Bitter rivals. Real Hatfeild vs. McCoy stuff, ya know. With all the talk of ejecting someone from our league you would think we could raise the stakes to make this a Loser Leaves Town match, which is something I don’t really want to do that but I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in this league thought this same thing when they looked at the bracket this week. I think this game, much like the message board will get ugly and when it’s all over, Zach Suer will pack up his bags and go home for the season as he falls to Fanning 88-80 thanks to a disappointing day from his receivers.
The weekend of the AFC and NFC Championship games is almost better than the Super Bowl and I think this weekend should be a rowdy good time for those still playing. Jordan will be playing for his first Fantasy Bowl berth, Castillo and Fanning will try to win trip #4 to the Big Bowl, and Suer will try to reach his fifth in franchise history. We’ll mop up the blood and broken teeth off the mat next Tuesday when we see who will be facing off in Fantasy Bowl XV.