I'm Your Huckleberry vs. Foles Gold
- I told you to ignore Castillo's win-loss record and take this dude seriously. A 149.9 point week is what this team is capable of and this should scare you. I'm going to start referring to Castillo as the Big Chorizo around here if this team dominates like it should.
- Finally, finally, finally Castillo didn't burn himself by starting the wrong receivers. It sure looks like Orton is going to give Sammy Watkins ample opportunities to make plays.
- You've probably already seen this but Castillo's day could've been even better if Watkins didn't DeSean Jackson it.
- What a weekend it was for quarterbacks ginslingin' the ol' pigskin around the yard and Foles was one of the QB's that aired it out from start to finish. Foles threw the ball 62 frickin' times but was only able to score 25.2 fantasy points. He's got to cut down on the interceptions even though it looks like he's in no danger of losing his gig.
- Steve Smith Senior is crashing hard back down to earth as he realizes life with Joe Flacco can be an aggravating one. That offensive P.I. call at the end of the game would've saved his day and saved me some cash on the Ravens -0.5 but it was the right call.
- Hell of a move by starting Brandon LaFell, fellas.
- Time for me to stat check to see what the longest losing streak is in our league. You guys now are at L7.
- Welcome to the three dog race to the bottom with Petty and Dave for the Douche of the Year award.
Ray's Elevator Service vs. Ambiguously Gay Duo
- Oh sure, NOW the Panthers decide to play D and it has to be against three of Petty's Seattle players.
- Marshawn Lynch has scored one touchdown since opening night.
- It was nice to finally see Fitzgerald look like vintage Fitzgerald this week.
- Kevin has now started as many negative scoring D/ST's (4) as he has positive scoring D/ST's this year.
- The nightmare continues
Ace and Gary's Notes:
- That was a fugly 27.6 points Cutler threw up this week. I know points are points but it looks like a knife fight could break out in the huddle at any point for the Bears right now.
- Gio Bernard needs another bye week. He's getting beat up worse than Rodney King
- Ronnie Hillman looks legit and he's probably worked his way into at least a 50/50 split with Ball whenever he returns.
- T.Y. Hilton is turning into a real top 10 receiver, especially if the Colts continue to air it out all day, every day, in every way.
- Again, the "Start whoever is playing against the Jags" strategy pays off. 29 points from the Miami D/ST this week.
Ahwatukee Drunk Cactusman vs. Demaryius Targaryen
- Cam Newton started for Dave this week, which means Cam Newton sucked at football this week. Dave thought about starting Big Ben but instead left him in the FA pool. Cam scored 5.2 points, Roethlisberger scored 56.7 points. Dave decided to stick with his guns and probably now wants to stick two guns to his temples and pull the trigger.
- Joique Bell is getting opportunities but isn't doing much with them. Thought this could be a real breakout year for him.
- Patterson finally looked like a real life receiver with six catches. Hopefully a sign of things to come with his QB Teddy Throwsevelt.
- This was a nice opportunity to gain a game on Jordan for the race to the 8 seed but it's looking like this team is ready to call it a season already.
- I remember saying I would rather have 15 other fantasy QB's than Tom Brady about a month ago. I now wonder if Tom is a top 5 option with the way he looks currently.
- Time to give up on Doug Martin. It ain't happening this year.
- If Mark Ingram can stay healthy (he can't) he could be a very real RB1 for this team.
- Demaryius Thomas is breaking a fair amount of Broncos records lately. He's about to get paid and probably will deserve every penny if he keeps this up. I don't think he's a product of Peyton's system, that dude could play with anyone.
- Nice move by benching the Seahawks D for the Bills D, which worked out for you for an extra point. Have to credit an owner that doesn't forcibly start an early round draft pick if his gut tells him not to.
- Dude, you have to drop Danny Amendola.
- Last week I said this team was probably never going to be a threat but I will say this team does have the ability to run up the score if Brady continues to play like this and if a couple guys can step up each week.
Denver Donkey Punches vs. That's My Forte
- The sun will set in the west, old people will go to church, and Zach Suer will win in this fantasy league. Every. Single. Sunday.
- Jeremy Maclin is good for one injury scare and a lot of fantasy points every week. This might be my new favorite gif of the 2014 NFL season.
- If there's one person on the planet that doesn't want to see Calvin Johnson play another down in 2014, it's Zach Suer. Golden Tate has looked tremendous as Detroit's main target in Megatron's absence.
- Julius Thomas has shown the downside of being so heavily touchdown dependent. Don't get me wrong, Julius will still end up as a top tight end but I'm not sure Zach is going to get more than 5 points from him if he doesn't score.
- Nice start of the Chiefs D.
Notes for Meyer:
- Emmanuel Sanders decided to make up for this lack of touchdowns all in one night.
- Matt Forte continues to be a stud. He's one of the few backs that sees the same production no matter if his team is winning or losing because he catches so many passes.
- Marshall is starting to venture into dangerous territory. He's not getting the ball and the Bears look like a mess. This could end badly with Marshall in a new uniform next season. They say he's a changed man but I don't think you can take the crazy out of Brandon.
- The Lions D was primed for a big game in London and they looked as groggy as most of those that woke up to watch this game.
- Thursday night went about as good as it could've gone for Meyer considering who he was up against. Jeff was the latest to learn that it takes your best effort plus a little more to beat the Donkey Punches. Rivers and this team played great but both will be mad at something or someone for this missed opportunity.
- If you play Jerome and you score less than 100 points, you will lose. If you score more than 110 points, you will win. This team is consistent if nothing else.
- This game was over at approximately 12:48 PM or once Foster and Gronk both scored their third touchdowns respectively.
- My receivers caught 6 passes combined, further cementing their status of being completely unreliable as a group.
- I instinctively grabbed for rosary beads as soon as Rodgers grabbed his hamstring on Sunday night.
- If the Packers aren't going to give Lacy more than 13 carries a game, it was at least nice to see them give Lacy a bunch of dump passes. That won't last, though.
- Martellus Bennett is one of the many brainless Bears in Chicago but as he keeps scoring, I don't care how fractured that locker room is.
- I play the Donkey Punches next week and if that wasn't enough of an automatic loss, I'll have to take on Suer without the services of Rodgers, Lacy, Jeffery, and Bennett. I'm implementing a mercy rule once Zach leads by 60.
- I would put this team in the yellow category if there was a "Threat to the League" chart because the most points they've scored in a game all year has been 107. Time to ratchet up the threat level to orange after this 153.4 point explosion.
- GRONK CATCH BALL.
- GRONK RUN.
- GRONK SCORE.
- GRONK SPIKE.
- GRONK HAPPY.
- Arian Foster is infuriating to watch when you're going up against him. The guy isn't fast, doesn't break ankles, and isn't always on the field. Before you know it, he's got 35.3 points. The dude is great at taking a play that should go for three yards and turning it into a 33 yard touchdown.
- Brees finally looked like Brees.
- It's probably time to give up on Welker. At least in the starting lineup.
- Nice walkoff win by the Vikes and nice 23 point fantasy game for Fanning and the Vikes D. What you know about them Vikes, J?
- Fanning needed a win like this to get the league to take notice.
Graham's Crackers vs. Dirk Diggler
- Getting 23 points out of Stafford feels like a huge day at this point.
- Getting anything less than 8 catches, 100 yards, and a touchdown from Antonio Brown feels like a crappy day at this point.
- Still waiting for that breakout game from McCoy.
- Nice to see Graham back on the field and back into the endzone.
- Regardless of the score on Monday night, I doubt Chris can get to bed early because it seems like he's always in a close fantasy game that comes down to the final minutes of MNF.
- I don't blame you for benching Matt Ryan but you got to see first hand just how boring it can be to root for Alex Smith. Fucking guy doesn't throw a pass further than he can spit.
- The Jets are an absolute dumpster fire on offense but at least Chris Ivory is getting his points.
- Three bad weeks in a row for Julio Jones. Not sure if you can do much about it but I don't know if you're going to get too many big games from him the rest of the season. It's totally not his fault either.
- Am if the only one that thinks Mike Smith is the worst coach on the planet? He's an idiot, was the least inspiring coach in Hard Knocks history, and I can't believe he made it back from London with a job.
- Keenan Allen finally got into the endzone.
- Antonio Gates keeps doing his thing. It feels like Rivers and Gates is like Stockton and Malone around the goalline. Perfect pass and catch from these guys almost every time.
- Nice MNF win thanks to our new bionic back DeMarco Murray. This might help soothe the sting of last week's heartbreaking MNF loss.
A couple more bullets to fire off:
- The Broncos are the team to beat right now, without question. They're the only team without a bad loss, at least. Very much looking forward to the Patriots game this week. Favorite or underdog, it will be a nice mental hurdle to clear if Peyton can get a win in Foxborough.
- CU made a game interesting against a pretty good team. Same result as usual, though.
- CSU looked really good once again in capturing the Bronze Boot. I saw a projection on a reputable internet site that had the Rams in the Fiesta Bowl. I guess if they win out and Boise State loses a game, it could happen. Still not entirely sure how they get into the Fiesta Bowl, though. I also wonder how we would look if we all attempted to make a return visit to Tempe for a Fiesta Bowl game. I've actually made a chart to forecast how it would go.
- Not sure if anyone noticed or care but I said that last week our standings were ranked identical to our points scored rank. After further review, I realize that they were not. I'm stupid.
- Holy crap, I should do these quick, bullet point recaps more often. That felt like a breeze even though I still probably typed too much. Peace in the Middle East, I'm outta here.