The Whackers vs. The Millers
Pep’s Notes
- Pep’s came in winners of 6 straight and were facing a Petty team that had rattled off four straight victories. You would think that this would make for a high scoring game with two hot teams but you would also think that fantasy football moves in a straight line, which it does not. This game was a clunker.
- I figured these two brothers would make a move on Sunday to fill a roster spot but I assumed it would be for a D/ST and not Reggie Bush. The Eagles D stayed in the starting spot on a bye while Reggie Bush tore his MCL on the greenbelt path the St. Louis Rams have in their stadium. Good karma for leaving the Eagles D in.
- These Peppel's are on fire with whoever they plug in at the WR3 spot. This week it was Tavon Austin with 21.9 points to chip in for the best WR trio in our league.
- Larry Fitzgerald did to this Browns defender what the Pep’s have been doing to their opponent for seven weeks in a row.
- Lot of really great matchups for these players and Michael Floyd was the only one that took advantage.
- Kevin finally made the switch from Russell Wilson to Tannehill and based on Tannehill’s performance, Petty might be switching back to Wilson in week 9. Nevermind, Kevin made a trade for the Red Rocket, who might be the man to lead this team or could be another unpredictable quarterback to drive Kevin crazy.
- Emmanuel Sanders was the only player not welcomed to the 2015 Denver Broncos offensive coming out party on Sunday night.
- Kevin has gotten negative points from his D/ST in three of his four losses.
- Danny Woodhead is clearly better than Mevlin Gordon and they kept feeding Gordon the ball against the Ravens on Sunday. Reverse racism by Mike McCoy over there for the Los Angeles Chargers?
The Donkeys vs. The Johnsons
Zach’s Notes:
- Eli and Odell outscored Dan and Corey’s team.
- Zach’s backfield is a serious problem. Maybe C.J. Anderson gets his groove back (he certainly looked better this week) but there is not one RB on this roster that is the RB1 on their own NFL team. That should be a problem but then again, this is Zach so we’ll see what black magic he has in store for the league this year.
- John Brown juked every fantasy owner out this week in declaring himself active and then playing as many snaps as an inactive John Brown would’ve played. At least Zach Suer didn’t twitter vent his frustrations or it could’ve ended like this.
- Stefon Diggs is a legit WR3 for Z and is one of the few guys Zach finds every year that helps him win some regular season cash.
- Peyton Manning looked better than we’ve seen all year, which should make these guys happy. He throws for 340 yards and still gets these two only 11.6 fantasy points, which should make these two unhappy.
- If Dan and Corey have spent more than a combined 15 minutes watching the Detroit Lions this year, I want to send them each an edible arrangement for their pain and suffering.
- I doubt these two were expecting Latavius Murray to run for 113 yards against the Jets D. Unfortunately, they started the Jets D, who instead played like the Mets D, which means they committed mental and physical errors most of the game.
- Can anyone tell me why Michael Crabtree is decent at football this year?
The Huckleberries vs. The MRI Tubes
Castillo’s Notes:
- Derek Carr could be the answer to Castillo’s QB problem. It will take a while to trust the fact that the Oakland offense is a good one but they are starting to turn some makeup covered heads in the Black Hole.
- It’s good that Castillo has DeAngelo Williams as a fall back option but it’s still a big downgrade from Bell to DeAngelo. This is still a very deep backfield but the comfort of running Le’Veon and his minimum 12 points out there every week is gone.
- Gary Barnidge could be the best Gary we’ve seen since Gary "The Glove" Payton.
- Castillo dropped Golden Tate and I have to think it's because of his acting job in the latest episode of The League. Absolutely brutal.
- T.Y. stands for Tortuous Yo-Yo. He could be the biggest boom-or-bust player we have this year. The new DeSean Jackson, if you will.
Meyer’s Notes:
- I don’t think many of us like this guy or the team he plays for but at this point we probably all need to recognize that Tom Brady is an unstoppable fantasy force and maybe the best QB ever. We still have ½ a season to go but I have a hard time seeing anyone take over his points lead unless he gets one of this scarves stuck on a plane propeller and get decapitated. He's also on pace to break a lot of records this year.
- It feels like Jeff Meyer is the lead actor in Fantasy Football Final Destination. It’s just like that movie where his fantasy friends are finding new and gruesome ways to die this year. We’ll see if Jeremy Hill and Michael Floyd can help Meyer out or somehow die in a fiery hot air balloon accident this weekend.
- This team could not afford an injury to Matt Forte. This nightmare scenario is now haunting Jeff’s waking hours and now that Vereen and Riddick are the only two healthy RB’s on this roster, Meyer is going to need a lot more 38.3 point games from Brady the rest of the way
- Eric Decker is quietly putting together a very good season
- Antonio Gates reminds me of a player on our rec basketball team. Every year he gets a new injury that takes him out, every year he puts on a few more pounds, every year he loses a step, and every year he can still drain a three if you leave him open.
The Warriors vs. The A-Arons
Fannings Notes:
- Fanning likes Mike Wallace as much as he likes FAAB.
- It’s usually an awful idea to start a Patriots running back because Bill Belichick does not care about your fantasy team but Dion Lewis has been a great find for Fanning even though he usually gets about 4-9 carries a game.
- Willie Snead looks and sounds like a character from a Tarantino movie.
- This team was in a mini-funk but a win over another potential bubble team could be huge come December
Chris’s Notes:
- Something is wrong with the Packers offense. Not sure if it’s a bad o-line, loss of weapons, or something else but Rodgers hasn’t looked great for about a month and was just bitch slapped for 60 minutes in Denver. Any time Teddy Bridgewater looks bad and doubles up the points that Aaron Rodgers scored, it’s a weird week.
- I honestly think Christine Michael has more mentions on fantasy football websites than he does career yards. Please for the love of god stop talking about him like he’s just one step away from being a legit running back in the NFL.
- This team had four players still to go after the Sunday morning games and they combined to score 11.5 points, securing the loss for Ch. Marvel.
- Chris has gotten 16 total games from his running backs this year and in 5 of those games Chris has watched an RB score 2 or fewer points.
Sheet Stain vs. Stizzmeister
Jerome’s Notes:
- Phil Rivers is the perfect QB for this fantasy team. He’s basically the only player that looks like he gives a damn and is posting great numbers while the rest of his teammates crumble and suck around him.
- Nice to see Eddie Lacy’s size 46 waist and Brandon Cooks size 27 inseam get into the endzeone this weekend. I found out that it really helps your chances of winning if your players score touchdowns.
- I think Gronk got more points on his TD grab this week than all of my tight ends have gotten combined in 2015.
- Honest to Jesus, I wasn’t all that depressed when I went to bed a 0.1 point loser on Monday night. I’ve fully coinceded that my team has a 0.1% chance of making the playoffs but I did stay up to endure the pain because I haven’t had a rush of scoring 100+ points and challenge for a victory all season long. Of course a laundry list of scenarios played out that helped keep Dave alive and remind me how angry this stupid game makes me. Gano’s missed extra point would’ve made overtime impossible and I win. A couple of Indy 4th down conversions kept the game alive for Dave to take the lead. Keuechy’s drop in the end zone kept the Colts and Dave alive. Olsen’s crazy overtime catch gave Dave the lead. Ted Ginn drops the easiest touchdown pass in the history of Carolina, which keeps Dave alive. And finally, for some reason the stat people gave Stewart 0 yards when everyone else saw him gain one yard, which sent me from a tie to a loss. Dave predicted a stat correction, which turned out to be true and gave me a win but once again it was a harsh reminder that losing a close game can be due to about 10 separate scenarios on MNF, two of which involve the actual active players remaining in the fantasy game.
Dave’s Notes:
- Dave and Jerome are the obvious bottom feeders in this league but they’ve both also scored over 100 points in every game over the past three weeks. Out of these six games, Dave and Jerome have combined to win one game. This is the combo of bad players and bad luck that gets you a team name change in the offseason and something Dave and Jerome are sick and fucking tired of enduring.
- Hey ESPN, how about you do everyone a favor and actually post the stat correction when it’s submitted by Elias during the day. Brees’s INT stat change was made official on Monday around noon but of course ESPN doesn’t input that into their scores so Dave and Jerome have to sweat every fucking yard late on Monday night only to have it all mean nothing on Tuesday morning because the stat correction actually got posted overnight. This is the latest in a long line of sucker punches that fantasy football has landed on Dave.
- Hard to lose a fantasy game when your QB gets 58.3 points but it’s also hard to be Dave Cress.
- Somehow, someway, the stat people made it possible for Drew Brees to cost Dave a victory with a 58.3 point effort.
- If you guys missed the tailgate party for this matchup, the fans represent these fantasy owners well.
diZerega’s Notes:
- Time to play, “What happened to J.P.’s phone this week” brought to you by our friends at Cricket wireless. This week DeMarco Murray was in the starting lineup on a bye. What catastrophic event prevented J.P. from making a roster change?
- J.P.’s data plan doesn’t allow him to make roster moves between 12 AM and 11:58 PM Monday-Sunday
- He made a bet with Jordan that he would beat him with DeMarco Murray in the lineup and that son of a bitch almost pulled it off
- J.P. defers to his Magic 8 Ball for all roster questions and the dice within the 8 ball got stuck
- J.P. and the amish are the only people that weren’t on the internet last week
- He was on the other line with Miss. Cleo
- For all of the poise and leadership people assign to Matt Ryan, he sure does make a lot of stupid turnovers at the worst possible time. He got ate up by the Bucs D, which is all you need to know. Those 24 fantasy points were mostly garbage. I know this because Ryan is my QB1 in my other leagues and is killing me. I'm now asking for sympathy on another owner's recap section for an entirely different league. I hate myself.
- Steve Smith, if this is the end of the road, we’d like to thank you for the plethora of comedic one liners, the huge fantasy seasons, and that “big swinging dick” touchdown dance you did more than a few times. You will be missed.
- The week 9 over/under line is now set at 1.5 for the number of starters J.P. will have on a bye. If he doesn't touch his roster this week, please send out an Amber Alert because J.P. either got abducted or went sailing with Bison Dele.
Jorday’s Notes:
- If we redrafted right now, Todd Gurley would go #1
- Has anyone tried to trade with Jordan in this league and gotten a response? Has anyone tried to trade with half the people in this league and gotten a response?
- Kendall Wright over Alshon Jeffrey this week, eh? Would be interested what brand of whiskey you drank while you were making roster moves this week.
- Jordy salvaged his game by starting Cam Newton over Big Ben. The monsoon in Carolina made it look pretty bleak early on but justice prevailed for once and got you the win over a poorly coached ballclub.
Finally, I’ll leave you on one more depressing note. A lot of people like to tell you to grab a RB early in the draft but it’s really becoming harder and harder to do that. If you find a stud RB, you have one of about six in all of the league but how many times do we see our early drafted RB’s get hurt or simply play like poop? Here’s a list of the first 12 RB’s off the board and how they’ve rewarded us so far.
- Adrian Peterson – Meh in 2015. Ranked 6th but hasn’t looked very good all year.
- Matt Forte – Tore something in his knee or somewhere below his waist. Out indefinitely.
- Marshawn Lynch – As many inactive games as TD’s this year with 2. Ranked 29th among running backs.
- Eddie Lacy – Don’t fucking start with me. Ranked 41st.
- DeMarco Murray – Averaging 3.5 YPC. Ranked 20th.
- Le’Veon Bell – Played in 6 games, out for the season.
- Jamaal Charles – Played in 5 games, out for the season.
- C.J. Anderson – Hadn’t scored a touchdown or rushed for more than 43 yards in a game before SNF. Lost his starting spot on the Broncos depth chart. Ranked 45th.
- Jeremy Hill – Averaging 3.3 YPC. Lost his starting spot on the Bengals and Petty’s depth chart and was traded away. Ranked 21st.
- LeSean McCoy – Has played in 5 games and scored once. Ranked 36th.
- Justin Forsett – Has scored two touchdowns all season.
- Frank Gore – Zero games with 100+ total yards. 3 TD’s on the season and 2 lost fumbles.
And here’s the top 12 running backs on the season along with how they were acquired:
- Devonta Freeman – Drafted in 11th round
- Mark Ingram – Drafted in 3rd round
- Doug Martin – Drafted in 6th round
- Matt Forte – Meyer’s keeper
- Chris Ivory – Drafted in 7th round
- Adrian Peterson – Pep’s keeper
- Danny Woodhead – Drafted in 12th round
- Chris Johnson – Added on waivers
- Le”veon Bell – Castillo’s keeper
- Lamar Miller – Drafted in 3d round
- Justin Forsett – Drafted in 2nd round
- Todd Gurley – Drafted in 5th round
OK, let's all try to regroup and be better this week and all phases of fantasy football. You bag of dicks (and myself) are making me lose faith in this little humanity we call the Dirty Dozen.